You are lucky indeed, Graveleye. I don't think that kind of relationship is rare, but I know from experience that it is not a given. And I will continue to write what I write, but won't share parts of it until it is finished and locked in stone. Just works better that way. Most of it is also based on imagination and extrapolation, but not all. Isn't there a song out there, maybe a kids' song, that goes, "Happy happy happy"? And "happy" does rhyme with "sappy."
Yeah I do. Though she get's bored if I talk about it for too long, That goes really about most things, since I can ramble on and on about how this works and how that works. Since I really love the world building aspect of writing. She honestly loves shipping anything that breathes so it has never come to any issues. And the sex scenes... Well she's had me write some specific things FOR her, So again. No complaints coming from her in that department either. That said, I've never tried writing a main character as a cheating spouse(Of course there are many characters I have made that have done this, but never specifically as a protag.) Just because I have a hard time Emphasizing with it. However seeing as I right about Monsters tearing apart children, Demon's devouring women after the rape them in front of their tortured husbands, before burning them all alive. I doubt that writing a man leaving a woman for his mistress would be the least of her worries, if she ever thought I had similar morals or thoughts to my characters.
If she thought you had the morals of woman-devouring rapist child-tearer-apart she'd have likely left you long long ago.
Exactly. I like to write horrific things, Perhaps it shows a more underlining sadistic nature. Or perhaps it's just that I like dark stories. She obviously knows that what I write, isn't what I think. Perhaps I'm lucky in that way. But I could see how a significant other could get jealous, I suppose. We don't all think the same way after all, and that leads to a myriad of misunderstandings.
Just a preface to say that what what I'm doing works for me, and is not intended as instructions about what anybody else should do. At the moment, I'm trying to get my wife *less* interested in my writing, preferably zero interest if possible. I appreciate that she wants to be helpful, but interruptions with "how's the writing going?" have proven to derail me for up to half an hour every time. I need to be able to concentrate on creating story, character, environment, and plot without worrying about what anybody else thinks, at least for the first couple of drafts. After that, I'm more interested in my editor's opinion than my wife's. She's not in my target audience, so I doubt her feedback will be at all constructive, so I don't even ask her to scan finished chapters. She's never read a sci fi novel in her life, how much useful feedback can she give me on genre problems. And anyway, there's only so much Sam/Castiel slash fiction I can dictate to her before she tells me it's getting boooooriiiing.
That too! She also shares my sometimes sick joy of brutally massacring by the billions haha. While to be fair, It's true, Not everyone wants the same thing. But seeing as I write for myself more than anything else, and I having never spoken to an editor in my life, The only ones that matter are my family/girlfriend. So. that said, I am perfectionist going on OCD levels at time, Unless I feel it's perfect, It isn't done, however there's no way of hiding what I'm writing from her. Seeing as she's bit of a stalker at times. Also are you sure it isn't Dean/Castiel slash fiction? I always though that was more of a thing. Thankfully she's not into that! However... I've yet to get her into supernatural.... So, I could see it unfortunately.
Exactly. Spending all day with a partner would not be good. I get weird when I don't write, and I can't write when a partner is around. To answer the OP, it depends on the relationship. An ex and I were songwriting partners, but that was an exception. For the most part, my motto is plumbers, accountants, doctors, soldiers, and any number of professionals don't take their spouses / partners to work, so neither do I. My non-fiction stuff is out in the public, so if they want to read it, they know where to find it. I don't think any of them have, though.I don't recall any comments. Would I show a romance project to a partner? Probably only if it was a situation of, "This sounds fun..." That said, it's not like I'd hide it, either, if that makes sense.
Maybe I'm weirder than I think then because I could seriously never get enough time with my ex. We never really made the time which was part of what kinda bled us out of being in love but even after ten years when we did just spend the day talking and doing nothing else it made me forget anything else that was wrong with our relationship. No, I wouldn't want her standing over my shoulder and talking, but I've certainly put my writing on hold and even for protracted period just so I could hang out with women I was keen on, even to the point of frustration at myself for not getting anything done but whenever I'm into someone I just can't put them down. In a sense my writing is what I throw myself into because my social and romantic life has been so quiet (I've been flat fucking broke for the past six years) and so instead of meeting new and exciting people (and occasionally sleeping with them) I wrote and wrote and wrote. And I love my writing man, nothing is going to stop me writing, but equally when I fall for someone I know I'm not going to have any problem at all sticking it on a shelf whenever I'm supposed to be seeing them. That's kinda how I've always been with women though and, notably, I kinda pick my partners based on how we talk together. I like me some real fireworks; women who push back at me and are smarter than me and who make me want to be better than I am. So I could well be the exception. But I don't see a problem with just writing whenever there is time and having my partner be the biggest thing in my life. Honestly after six years of my partner being about... I don't know... Sixth? Around that anyway, in my list of concerns, I need to get back to being with someone who just blows my socks off every time I see them. Fortunately I'm a very handsome and wealthy man so this obviously won't present a problem
Wow I got a good response, I have a few stories in mind, haven't written yet, but they are inspired by crushes/fantasies and spouse doesn't know about those. I doubt they will get beyond a short story and maybe on here but nothing more, so he probably will never see it.
I can certainly understand why you'd be worried about him reading things based off of crushes (or old boyfriends, friends of yours that he's paranoid about whatever). I was a bit too when I had polished my first book. I wanted to get some feedback from my partner, but the romantic lead in that books is clearly modeled off of my ex from many years ago right down to the freckles over her nose. And it is kinda uncomfortable. To you a book or a story or a character is just one of many things you write, loads of different types of stories and people and relationships. But to the reader all they see is this one book, and it feels like you must just be writing your perfect woman, your perfect relationship, that it's all just drawn from you. And particularly to my ex who was a big bonnie lass who was always self conscious about her weight, for her to see me writing about a petite little waif of a girl who bears a striking resemblance to a girl I was once crazy about, and making her be sexy and magnetic and having the guy in that story drool over her; yeah, I had some concerns. But in the end I wasn't that worried. I still asked her to read it. I think reading is something different to totally sharing. I think if I'd asked her to give me specific feedback on that character, asking her how I can make my literary girlfriend sexier and more exciting then maybe. I think it would have been insensitive at least, and make her worry (more than usual) at worst. But to just let them read it? I wouldn't worry too much about that. And, well, if your partner is someone who occasionally reads your work anyway don't discount the potential that letting him read your fantasies could bring you closer together, a way that you can kinda let him see the things that you dream about. I'm certainly not one to be giving relationship advice but if they are things that are a big deal to you there's worse ways to gently introduce him to things you might want to do with him. At least that way you can kinda express it fully, exactly how you want it and see if it's something that does it for him too. Obviously you know your relationship better than me, but as a guy; if a woman I loved came to me and started showing me her fantasies then my eyes would light up. Maybe they aren't all things that he can make real for you, but to give him ideas for valentines day? Or indeed ideas in the bedroom for things that make your whimper? And you'd have the opportunity to present it in romantic/sexy context, show him how it makes you feel and how it looks inside your head? Men are mostly very accommodating when it comes to making you happy. And you never know, you might find a shared passion that neither of you wanted to be the first to bring up.
Excellent comments here. When I first started writing professionally, my husband at the time hated it. My writing mentor, an older male friend who'd dealt with the same thing from his wife, advised that I just keep all aspects of my writing to myself. It worked, to some degree, until someone would comment to him, "Hey, I read your wife's column. She's awesome!" For some reason he HATED that people liked me. We divorced about four years later and I still think that was a factor. But it's also part of who and what I am. Can't handle that? Hate it for you. I've been with my current partner for two years and he knew from our first meeting that I'm a writer. He's NOT a reader, but I'm okay with that. He'll flip through my magazine every month and look at the pictures, nod his head and tell me it looks good, but that's the extent of it. There have been times when I've written something that I'm over the moon about and I wish I could share it with him, but I send it to a friend instead. And that's okay - he supports me in other ways. He takes copies of the magazine to work for his coworkers, shares articles and posts on social media with his friends, brags about what a great job I'm doing at every opportunity, makes me eat when I'm on deadline, takes care of things around the house when I'm on deadline, gives me space and quiet to work, rubs my shoulders when I've been hunched over the laptop for 16 straight hours, helps me overcome my anxiety about selling ads (what supports the magazine), in short, he's amazingly supportive in every other way but reading. It works for us. I'm now giving fiction another shot and that's a new place for us. In the past weeks I've walked into the man cave and hit him with questions at odd moments. "I need an old-fashioned sounding woman's name. What was your grandmother's first name? What? No, that won't work, what was her sister's name?" Or, "Would a guy who joined the Army in 1980 as an officer actually have seen combat in 1989? Where? No, Panama was too short. Somalia? How long did it last? Okay, that works. Yes, I'll get you a beer." Sometimes he looks at me like I've lost my mind, and he has cautioned me not to let this get in the way of the magazine (to which I politely told him to f-off), but he's rolling with it. As to sex scenes, that was one of the first things he asked me. "Are there going to be sex scenes?" "Most likely." "I'll help you write those." "Most likely not." "Well you don't want it to be all girly-sounding." "It's women's fiction." "Some men might read it. You should let me help. It'll be realistic then." "It's not internet porn." "Maybe you should consider writing internet porn. I'd read that." "No you wouldn't." "You know me so well. Let me know if you want help with those sex scenes." I'll take what I have now to what I had before, any day of the week, even if he never reads a single word I write.
