Hi! This may seem simple, but I'm just seeking some clarity on when I should start a new line in dialogue. Here's an example: “If there was never a choice then your actions were cruel.” I tossed the comment at him almost carelessly, as if I had come to that conclusion long ago and wanted to let him know I had been holding on to it. “Regretfully, I agree.” It was not the response I expected to hear. I can't tell if this sounds clumsy because of the way it was written, or whether it should be set out with new lines, such as the below. This is how I would set it out if the speech had dialogue tags. Is this how it should be? “If there was never a choice then your actions were cruel.” I tossed the comment at him almost carelessly, as if I had come to that conclusion long ago and wanted to let him know I had been holding on to it. “Regretfully, I agree.” It was not the response I expected to hear. What's the done thing?
To my knowledge, both of those are acceptable. You can have dialogue and narration in the same paragraph. You only need to start a new paragraph when someone new is speaking. I will say, though, I like the second version better.
Personally I would start a new line for each new speaker but would include any comments about the dialogue after the particular dialogue, like a dialogue tag is always either before or after the relevant dialogue - “Regretfully, I agree.” It was not the response I expected to hear. Look at how your favorite authors do it or the genre and us/uk differences.
Your second example isn't technically incorrect, but for the first quote/action in the second example I react to it almost as if it is. To me, those belong together because they're about the same person and the same action, and the line break seems inappropriate. For the second quote/action, I go the other way. Person X is speaking and Person Y is reacting. In third person, keeping them together would mean that we're very close in Person Y's POV and Person X is sort of a part of the landscape. In first person, we are by definition very close in Person Y's POV. But I still feel a desire for the break.
I think this makes sense. It feels that, since it is in first person, Person Y responding to what Person X has said should require a new line as it is essentially a new person 'speaking'. Whereas if Person Y is responding to their own words, it should stay on the same line because they belong to the same person. If i'm understanding that correctly? Haha it is hard to wrap my head around. When I continue it a little and take it out of isolation, this seems to be a better way to pair them.... “If there was never a choice then your actions were cruel.” I tossed the comment at him almost carelessly, as if I had come to that conclusion long ago and wanted to let him know I had been holding on to it. “Regretfully, I agree.” It was not the response I expected to hear. I walked back to where he was standing and took my drink from his hands. "Do you regret everything?" I asked. But then, I begin to wonder if it should actually read like the below. Does the same rule count if the dialogue comes after the description? Do I stick to the same like because it is the same person and therefore doesn't require a line break? It was not the response I expected to hear. I walked back to where he was standing and took my drink from his hands. "Do you regret everything?" I asked.
I would tend to combine those last two, yes. There are times when the actions or thought or whatever are so long that the dialogue is at risk of being lost, and so I start the dialogue on a new line (making sure it's clear who spoke, since I've broken the alternating pattern) but then I dither over which way I want it. But I don't think that this would be lost.
This is muddled because it's not clear who said "Regretfully ... " You need to put It was not the response... on the next line for clarity of who the pronoun I refers to. I mean sure, we can guess that is one speaker saying "I agree." and another person saying I expected... but it's noticeably a grammar mistake. Now in this line, you have a different situation: I think it's a little purple prosy, it might fit the voice and the story, but that's another matter. In this case you have a dialogue speaker who then narrates. It does not change between characters. You can do this one either way because the narrator's pondering could warrant a new paragraph for normal reasons one starts a new paragraph.
