1. Alesia

    Alesia Pen names: AJ Connor, Carey Connolly Contributor

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    Do I need this word?

    Discussion in 'Word Mechanics' started by Alesia, Dec 26, 2013.

    Do I really need the word "pocket" here? Would the reader get the gist that one hand is in her pocket and not down the front, or somewhere else without it?
     
  2. thirdwind

    thirdwind Member Contest Administrator Reviewer Contributor

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    Without the word, I imagine her hand inside the actual pair of jeans. So I would leave the word there for clarity.
     
  3. Wreybies

    Wreybies Thrice Retired Supporter Contributor

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    Yeah, without it it inspires an Al Bundy image. ;)
     
  4. Okon

    Okon Contributor Contributor

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    I don't think it needs the 'pocket...'

    Does anybody know of examples from popular writers?
     
  5. Alesia

    Alesia Pen names: AJ Connor, Carey Connolly Contributor

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    I don't know any off the top of my head.

    I dunno why, but adding "pocket" seems to disrupt the flow for me. I wanted to use this as an opportunity to show that Allison is wearing jeans, but the only way I can think of to maintain flow is to remove the word "jeans." Unless there's a way someone sees to rearrange it?

    I like to be subtle like that - throw in an article of clothing here and there rather than what I see so many authors do. "She was wearing a Flogging Molly T-Shirt, jeans, and black Converse sneakers."

    EDIT: I think I might have it:
     
    Last edited: Dec 26, 2013
  6. mammamaia

    mammamaia nit-picker-in-chief Contributor

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    it needs 'pocket' but does not need 'jeans'...
     
  7. jannert

    jannert Retired Mod Supporter Contributor

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    How about: ...with one hand stuffed in the pocket of her jeans, like she didn’t have a care in the world.

    Or maybe the back pocket, or the side pocket?
     

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