1. SilentWaves55

    SilentWaves55 Active Member

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    Here's a basic understanding of my MC's backstory

    Discussion in 'Plot Development' started by SilentWaves55, Apr 21, 2018.

    So before I post a full chapter of my story to be critiqued, I just want to get some opinions and ideas of what some of you guys think is the best choice for my MC's background. This is not at all a full storyline but just an outline and working summary about my MC's history and one of these two options that I decide to choose, will greatly impact what story direction I want to go in.

    I have two potential plot versions I've been working on and I would really appreciate the feedback on what any of you find more intriguing.

    Here's my first version.

    Set in the future, around 2850. A rich half American half Japanese male student and rich half American half Brazilian female student both from a rich family meet at a university and hit it off together. Eventually they get married and she moves to Japan with him. After discovering that he gets involved in shady connections to a corrupt scheming organization system with bad CEO's and could involve the lives of young children, she decides to get away from this and run off to America after realizing she's pregnant.

    She heads out to a secluded location in Nevada, where she was able to save enough money and raises her son in a home there, training him survival and he even learns to adopt to the desert environment as a kid. His mother, becomes a good mentor for her son, the MC. At around the age of 10, his mother suddenly falls very ill and with no other family to go to and her last options left, she sends her son to a rich religious boarding school, somewhere south, maybe Texas or maybe somewhere in the southeastern U.S where the MC is taught about morals and looks like a happy lifestyle. But secretly there is a hidden agenda that the school covers up and the head of the school, the religious leader is actually recruiting kids to become child soldiers which they and the MC go through lots of abuse and torture. The religious head of the school appears as a very tall tan man, anywhere from the range between 6'7 to 7'2 and long, dark hair tied back with faded short on the sides with a nice conservative smile who seem to have strange tattoos covering his arms when his sleeves rolled up. The leader has each student injected with a poison so if they try to escape they will be killed. After a while of going through brainwashing, torturing and orders, the MC decides to fight back. The leader witnessing this fight in the MC, tortures him more and limits his food intake to cause him weakness but takes pride in the MC's fight and will power and decides to use him as his top soldier on the front lines. eventually the MC gets left behind on a mission in his mid to late teens and is assumed dead by the leader. A group of renegade soldiers find and rescue him and help train the MC. After a few years go by the MC becomes an assassin and gets hired by someone to kill this target, a somewhat tall Eurasian man with a casual hairstyle, thin beard and snazzy dress. When the MC and the man realize they are father and son they decide to team up and trains with his fathers team. At some point the father betrays the MC for not liking the MC's ways and tries to kill him. The MC escapes. Now on the run from his father, the religious leaders group, authorities, mercenaries and assassins, the MC gets ambushed in an attack which he wakes up in a hospital lab with a badly damaged body. These hired mercenaries attack the hospital and MC struggles in weak condition to escape and fight his way out but also notices other experimental beings let lose and it all turns into a bloodbath. MC is found by these scientist who help bring him to safety to help reconstruct his battered body and give him cyber parts and sword where he becomes a cyber samurai. eventually he will face his father, the religious military leader and his aunt (the fathers Japanese sister from Japan that has her own organization)
     
    Last edited: Apr 21, 2018
  2. SilentWaves55

    SilentWaves55 Active Member

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    Here's my second version.

    Set in the future, around 2850. A rich, corrupt American businessman and rich, corrupt Japanese businesswomen meet at a business conference with different shady business leaders and CEO's who have gathered. The American guy and Japanese woman hit it off together. Eventually they get married and have a son. After they backstab and scam each other due to their own concern for business reasons they end up with a divorce and the son (MC) gets stuck with the mother, where she raises him in Japan, where she develops her own organization with business and military training that involves samurai ethics and has her son brought up in this training as a young boy.

    After a while she's not quite fund of the MC, since he also carries the fathers name, at around 10 years old she sends him to a religious boarding school, somewhere in the U.S south, maybe Texas or maybe somewhere in the southeastern U.S. The MC is saddened by his mother sending him away and hopes he could somehow gain back her love after learning good morals. The school looks like a happy lifestyle. But secretly there is a hidden agenda that the school covers up and the head of the school, the religious leader is actually recruiting kids to become child soldiers which they and the MC go through lots of abuse and torture. The religious head of the school appears as a very tall tan man, anywhere from the range between 6'7 to 7'2 and long, dark hair tied back with faded short on the sides with a nice conservative smile who seem to have strange tattoos covering his arms when his sleeves rolled up. The leader has each student injected with a poison so if they try to escape they will be killed. After a while of going through brainwashing, torturing and orders, the MC decides to fight back. The leader witnessing this fight in the MC, tortures him more and limits his food intake to cause him weakness but also takes pride in the MC's will power and decides to use him his top soldier on the front lines. eventually the MC gets left behind on a mission in his mid to late teens and is assumed dead by the leader. A group of renegade soldiers find and rescue him and help train the MC. After a few years go by the MC becomes an assassin and gets hired by someone to kill this target, a very tall Caucasian businessman, around 6'3 with a casual blonde hairstyle, snazzy shades and casual dress. When the MC and the man realize they are father and son they decide to team up and trains with his fathers team. At some point the father betrays the MC for not liking the MC's ways and tries to kill him. The MC escapes. Now on the run from his father, the religious leaders group, authorities, mercenaries and assassins, the MC gets ambushed in an attack which he wakes up in a hospital lab with a badly damaged body. These hired mercenaries attack the hospital and MC struggles in weak condition to escape and fight his way out but also notices other experimental beings let lose and it all turns into a bloodbath. MC is found by these scientist who help bring him to safety to help reconstruct his battered body and give him cyber parts and sword where he becomes a cyber samurai. He will eventually face against his father, his mother, the religious military leader guy and his uncle (the mothers Japanese brother from the West coast U.S who has his own organization)


    Thank you all for reading, I would appreciate any opinions anyone may have. So which version is better? :D
     
  3. T_L_K

    T_L_K Senior Member

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    I prefer the second version.

    I must be honest though, I would reconsider the idea of the MC being hired to kill a man he finds out to be his father. The fact the reader will see this coming from many miles away among other things makes me say this. I think it would be better to have the MC find his father because he is actually looking for him. Maybe getting him to find someone who's entirely different from what he'd been told could make this interesting.

    This is just the way I see it. ;)
     
  4. SilentWaves55

    SilentWaves55 Active Member

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    Thank you, I appreciate it.
     
    Last edited: Apr 22, 2018
  5. SilentWaves55

    SilentWaves55 Active Member

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    Just out of curiosity, what do you mean by this exactly for the MC? Sorry if I'm a little confused on what this meant cause it sounds like a great idea :)
     
  6. T_L_K

    T_L_K Senior Member

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    I only meant to suggest one possible alternative to the plot of the MC being hired to kill his father unaware. My impression is that readers will guess at it immediately, though you haven't actually confirmed whether or not that might bother you.

    For me, if what you're definitely going to do is get the MC to meet in his adult life a father he hasn't seen since childhood, it would be more interesting to either have the him find his father after actually looking for him, or even by some strange accident, than because he's been hired to kill him. I haven't thought in more depth about what the suggestion I made could involve... Your MC could have been told things about his father that aren't true for many reasons, so depending on what you'd want meeting him could be either inspiring or completely mess him up, or instil in him a desire for revenge...

    BUT... If you believe in your plot, and just one person tells you they can't see it, they might be wrong. ;)
     
  7. SilentWaves55

    SilentWaves55 Active Member

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    Now that you mentioned it, yeah I would rather the readers don't suspect he's the father right away. But that would sound like a Darth Vader plot now right?
     
    Last edited: Apr 23, 2018
  8. T_L_K

    T_L_K Senior Member

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    ... It would? :-D
     
  9. SilentWaves55

    SilentWaves55 Active Member

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    Oh well, mine can still be a different take. Maybe the father makes a mockery of the Vader/Luke line when he meets his son cause that's one of his favorite movie classic lines :D
     
    T_L_K likes this.

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