Sorry, everyone. I'm just having a sad night, and putting things on paper (computer) where I can see it and chew over it always seems to help. We have been the best of friends since we were 14, and have dated on and off for the last 4 years. Each time we get into something, I get my heart broken, either by his lack of commitment or his fear of showing emotion. We've never kissed. It took us 6 months to hold hands. And even as I say this I smile, because he is the only person I have ever dated that can send shivers up my spine by just holding my hand. I catch my breath everytime he enters the room. We spend hours talking about everything from religion to what we think is the most effective way to train a horse. I think that is why I go back again and again to him. I want to make it clear that I understand that this relationship isn't exactly... healthy, so to speak. Like I said before, he has huge commitment issues and a hard time showing emotion. A large part of each is due to his fear of screwing up like his older brothers, one of which got his girlfriend pregnant at 17, the other of which got married at 18 only to suffer a messy divorce involving three kids 5 years later. He's trying to protect me from himself, and in so doing, he ends up hurting me more. I've convinced myself that I can just be friends with him (which is probably better for my heart at this point) but I feel like he doesn't treat me like he appreciates me being a friend. I've been trampled on by a lot of friends in the past little while, and when I needed someone to turn to because I was broken and bleeding, I felt like he wasn't there for me when I needed him to be. I even went as far as to specifically say "I need your help. I'm hurting and I don't know what to do." Admitting that I need help is extremely hard for me, so when he did nothing about it I felt like he had ripped my heart out of my chest, stomped on it, picked it up, bleeding, and gave it back to me, all the while saying "Sorry, I didn't mean to." I haven't really said anything to him about how I'm frustrated with the way he is treating me. If I seem angry around him, I make up excuses when he asks what's wrong, or I tell him I'm just burnt out. All this supressed emotion is ripping me apart. He is leaving on his mission in 3 days. I want to tell him now, or else I feel like it will just fester until I explode and I will end up writing him a very hurtful letter or something of the like. Here's my problem: How do I tell him? Like I said, he's leaving on his mission for 2 YEARS, and the thought of that is kind of screwing with his head, so he is extremely stressed out and lost at the moment. I don't want to add to his stress, but I also don't want to have all of this pent up anger inside of me for 2 whole years. Do I spill it all? Should I tell him that because he is trying so hard to suppress his emotions, he is making me feel unappreciated as a ANYTHING to him, including a friend? Do I tell him that I'm angry that he has broken my heart so many times, especially since I gave him a chance to be my friend again after each incident? Forgive and forget seems to be a good way to live life, but how much is too much? When should I walk away?