1. IrkenInvader

    IrkenInvader New Member

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    Stuck on this scenario. Wording feels wrong?

    Discussion in 'Word Mechanics' started by IrkenInvader, Feb 10, 2018.

    Why...?
    Why is this how it has to be..?

    What are you talking about?

    What?!...

    What are you talking about has to be? You control what happens.

    How?

    {You know how. Have fun miss Scarlet.
    Miss Scarlet?}

    It's happening in the character's head.
     
  2. Cave Troll

    Cave Troll It's Coffee O'clock everywhere. Contributor

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    Where cushions are comfy, and straps hold firm.
    There is not a sufficient sample here to work with.
    And there is no context about the character to even
    begin to figure out an approx. way they might be able
    to have this internal conversation.
     
  3. DeeDee

    DeeDee Contributor Contributor

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    There's nothing wrong with the scenario. What exactly irks you in the wording? What stood out for me was the "how it has to be". You could think about using wording such as "predestination", "predetermined", "destiny" . And try to put more context instead of "this". Something like: "Why do I feel like our escape from the traffic jam was intended to happen? We were destined to survive Black Friday Sales. Do you ever feel like your life is predetermined?"
    Overall, "why is this how" and "What are you talking about has to be?" sounds like something a non-English speaker would say. You could use "the way" instead of "how", and "meant to be" instead of "has to be", like in: "Is this the way it's meant to be?"
    Similarly, you could replace "talking about ..." with "mean (by)... ", as in: "What do you mean 'how it has to be'?"
     
  4. Oxymaroon

    Oxymaroon Contributor Contributor

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    The sample is pretty small, but I'll take a shot in the dark.
    I think what sounds wrong is too many repetitions. Also that the character knows very well what the inner voice is talking about, but maybe is still groping for the significance, or how to apply the knowledge.
     

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