Stupid Inventions Game

This is a simple game you create your own stupid invention.
The twist is that you have to try to make your invention better then the person who posted above you.
Example:

Head squeezer to get out all the nasty thoughts out of your brain.

Oh yeah well mine is a cat vacuum so you don't have to brush your cat and worry about fur.
Hope you got it. I'll go first.

The Smiley press always you to print smilies ten times faster then any other machine.

 

A little mute mask for children that won't stop whining.

 

A keyboard that will actually eat your fingers.

 

Instead of the opposite way around? LOL

A man that cleans before you have to ask!

 

A pony that will stomp your legs off.

 

A puppy dog that doesn't poo.

 

An electric fence that only shocks you, but nobody else. Of course, you aren't supposed to know this. You find out the hard way.

 

An eyelash with a sword to get those pesky hairs out of your eye.

 

Heated slippers. My feet feel like blocks of artic ice!

 

Ultimate machine it combs your hair and shaves your beard for those night when you feel like a caveman.

 

Dinner machine~Place steak, potatoe, and salad fixing on machine, let cook for fifteen minutes, go write, and when the buzzer goes off, dinner is done. MY DREAM IS TO NEVER COOK AGAIN!

 

A machine that gives you compliments and hugs whenever you're feeling down. Perfect for when your girlfriend/boyfriend dumps you! Includes free chocolate bar for the first ten callers!

 

The insult machine so that way you can be ready for anything at work.

 

That's a really good one.

A helmet thesaurus~You think of a word, and it pops up with ten more for you to choose from, without having to fumble with a book, or Word

 

(They aren't suppose to be good inventions they are suppose to be stupid.)

The torture machine that will beat up any unwanted neighbor.

 

A laser beam that only castrates people with noisy stereos.

 

A knife that doesn't cut.

 

The hands-free cellphone privacy unit. When the phone rings, the device auto-answers and encloses the wearer's head with a soundproof opaque bubble for privacy. For use when the driver doesn't want his passengers listening in to the conversation. And, he is not distracted by their screams.

 

lol!
But wouldn't you get into accidents. And what if you suffocate. Is their a guarantee it will work?

The machine that speaks all the languages for you so that you never have to learn a foreign language.

 

A machine that brushes your teeth and feeds you at the same time...

 

Your teeth would never get clean.

A killing machine that doesn't kill

 

Exactly.

Ours were basically inventions that can't do what they were made to do.

 

Then everyone would have smelly breath.

A machine that brushes your teeth and feeds you minty clean food that keeps your teeth clean and breath smelling fresh.

Yeah! I like mine better!

 

(I prefer inventions that do exactly what they advertise, but are a Bad Idea)

Such as the Clapper Remote Lawnmower Starter.

 

Or the yell at the cleaning robot. Clean and Yell. Its like those having a slave again.
(No offense, I don't agree with slavery.)