WARNING: Sensitive content! I want to start by saying that the entire book will contain sexual scenes and suggestive situations and is very much a book for adults, or young adults at the most. I just wanted to get some feedback on it. Does it sound interesting? In the world that I am creating humans are not the only humanoid or even sentient beings. There are vampires, ogres, witches, werewolves, centaur's, minotaurs, etc. Unfortunately humans are at the "bottom of the food chain" if you will and are considered lower class citizens. Humanity's numbers are dwindling, but the biggest threat to humanity are the vampires who are the supreme rulers over the realm and who are considered the aristocrats of this world. They treat humans like cattle and property, humans are essentially just slaves both sexually and for labor purposes and are also treated as walking, unlimited blood supplies. The protagonist is a young girl by the name of Genevieve "Eve" who is half human/half vampire. She was a product of rape and before her mother was forced to abort her or before they just flat out killed her, as this was normal if a vampire inpregnated a human, she fled. Her mother took care of her until she was six as she had fallen ill and died from her illness. Alone, orphaned, and on the verge of death she was found by a group of mercinaries/run-away slaves/travellers (who were all human) that reluctantly took her in on the orders of their leader. ((I am debating whether I should have her mother die in child borth and then Eve was found or until she was six)) She was trained to be a skilled figher and killer by the mercenaries within the group and treated as one of them up until her 21st birthday when the group was ambushed in the night and everyone was slaughtered. The only reason that she survived was on account of her vampiric abilties. She manages to take the attackers out, but before she kills the last vampire she asks him who they worked for. The name that was given was that of the vampire who had owned her mother and who was her father. Later on she finds out that he is a member of the Von Carstein bloodline, which is one of the most powerful and most influential vampiric bloodlines within the realm. Eve sets off on a quest to locate and kill her father (she will not know this initially) but along the way she will make acquaintences, alliences, lovers and she will come to know herself and grow while also freeing imprisioned and enslaved humans and becoming a hero within the realm. By the end of the book I want her to have killed her father and taken his place as the queen on the Von Carstein bloodline. This will open up the oppurtunity for other books later on. "Now presenting, her majesty, Grand Dutchess Genevieve Von Carstein." is what I want the last line of the book to be.
Short Answer: Revenge is always a good plot, and always has the potential to be interesting. It will stand or fall based on how well you write your characters and what you make them do. Long Answer: With only the few paragraphs you've written to give an opinion on, it sounds like any other vampire book one could pick up from the shelves. Are those books bad? No way, they're on the shelves. Could your book be on the shelves with this plot? Heck yes. But it's a cake without icing. Most cakes are made from the same basic ingredients, and they'll look the same before you decorate them. The only difference between a world class cake on the cooking channel and one from Costco is how much extra stuff is on it and how uniquely designed it is. How will your book be different from other vampire books? What makes it more interesting? What have you done with it that's new and exciting? Orphan character is trained to become a skilled fighter to get revenge on father: It's a good base, but it's not unique or mind blowing on its own. The icing, as it were, is what will make or break it. That's up to you to design.
I'm no big fan of vampire related fiction, but this aspect is really interesting. Vampires are essentially parasites and it's sort of a logical conclusion that these literal bloodsuckers would start 'feeding' on humans and other creatures economically, socially and politically as well once they get themselves in a position to do so. Thinking about it, I really wonder why no other vampire fiction writer has managed to come up with a similar setting so far. Seems like you found a cool twist on the genre.
The plot seems interesting, and it would be something I'd definitely read. I love darker stories with almost cruel main characters. But I have to say, I absolutely loathe vampire babies, so I wouldn't read this based on that alone. I guess I'm just traditional that way and wish authors would stick to the true origins of vampires. I'm not saying others won't enjoy it. Just be prepared for people to not like it for the same reason.
You mention that there are sentient beings besides humans and vampires. Are these other sentient beings just okay with vampires being the ruling/higher class? Why exactly would vampires be superior to any of those other non-human races?
They are not happy with the vampires being in charge but they are all too afraid to do anything about it. Vampires have been running things in this world for a long time and the other creatures have almost gone numb to their cruelty and greed as it has just become a part of everyday life. There are of course rebellions and those who do appose them but there are far few in between and the vampires are ruthless and do whatever they must to maintain their stature.
The vampires are not necessarily more power strength wise as some of the other beings but they are smarter and they are cunning and manipulative and they fight using their intellect and connections. But they are very powerful and if push comes to shove they do not hesitate to bloody their hands.
I I'm still a bit confused. It seems that the number of races that aren't vampires would translate to a combined population that far exceeded that of the vampires. This then raises several more questions. Of the non-human non-vampire races, are their numbers so small compared to the number of vampires that they would have no chance against them even when combined? How did vampires end up taking power in the first place? Almost all vampires in media are careful to keep themselves hidden--why did your vampires emerge from the shadows to take power, and how did they seize power not only over humans but over everyone? You said the amount of humans was dwindling. This is only possible if the population is shrinking due to humans being transformed into vampires or simply dying. It's hard to believe vampires wouldn't have implemented a strict system to prevent this sort of thing from happening, similar to the Camarilla in Vampire: The Masquerade, where permission was always needed before transforming someone into a vampire and failure to obtain permission was punishable by death. Since humans are slaves in this world, wouldn't they be forcibly bred (as many slaves were in real life, especially under the American system) to keep a steady stream of births going? How exactly did the vampires screw up and allow the human population to go into decline?
I like it based on what you have posted in your initial post! However like someone else said it wouldn't necessarily stick out to me as a whole new look on the vampiric genre overall. Now is that a bad thing? not really haha i think this would basically come down to having a killer blurb in the finished product. I really like vampire novels that are not lovey dovey YA. so the idea of having a society built where they're not in hiding would pull me in. Overall based off what you've said Im confident I would give it a read and enjoy myself!
1. Combined, non vampires vastly outnumber the vampires, but they have developed a mentality of helplessness and fear. A mentality of every "man" for himself. There is no sense of unity or community so coming together would rarely happen. To maintain their image as higher beings and as ruthless tyrants that are to be feared and respected the vampires hold public executions, they will randomly have cities terrorized etc. It's all in the illusion and the deception. Think of it as a king who is feared by all, not because he is necessarily stronger then everyone else but because of his influence and control and the implication that everyone else is beneath him and any attempt to dethrone him will result in death. 2. The vampires did not fight necessarily fight their way to the top but instead made alliances and strategical and political moves. There actually used to be multiple leaders of different races, but once the opportunities presented themslves the vampires came out from the shadows and took out the competition. It was unexpected and swift and the other creatures had little time to digest what had happened and by then it was too late. Before this vampires were shadowy and secretive creatures that would have to ambush their prey to survive, but with them now being on top they can have as much blood as they want at their finger tips. 3. They do not drink just human blood, human blood is just "high quality" blood like gold to minerals it diamonds to gems. The vampires indeed do hoard and breed them. I may not have been clear though with what I meant in dwindling. Humans are dwindling in the outside world as "free" humans are a rare sight as most of the humans are in the possession of the vampires, but their greed has caused them to "over bleed" some of the humans. As they feed they become a bit crazed and if they loose control they can bleed a human dry ultimately killing them. This is being counteracted with scheduled feedings and systematic bleeding and blood collection.
Of course I do have my group of cliche vampires who do not agree with the majority over the enslavement of humanity. I think it would be a shame if there wasn't a group like that.
haha yes, different views i agree that that is a good idea. Hmm I think i was more referring to the sort of YA Twilight-esque cliche of vampires. haha :3c
So you're setting is basically the atomized, self-centered rat race societies that define the modern world, just with vampires and other creatures thrown in. That's actually a lot more perceptive than the bulk of fiction with political or social themes, which usually focuses on different variations of the "good people vs. evil tyrant"-trope, while ignoring the social mechanisms and failures on part of the people which enable tyranny in the first place. Well done!
No problems with the setting that I can think of – especially with @Oswiecenie 's observation – but I would want at least one character or another to talk about having known Genevive's mother before she died. Rape is one of the most hideous traumas that a person can survive – not the most hideous, but pretty close – and while looking up how to portray the after-effects of rape for my own WIP, most of my sources agreed that one of the worst cliches is "one character gets raped for the effect that it would have on another character rather than on him/herself."
@Stained Red Is it Fantasy or Urban Fantasy? Do the Vampires have complexes where they keep humans for harvest, while trying to keep them alive as long as possible? Or do they simply just grab a 'cow' and feed? If this is in a more modern setting, you could consider cloning as a way to keep a steady supply of humans. Or if that is not dark enough, artificial insemination labs to keep the stock at steady levels. By what other means do the Vampires enforce their power other than by a few public executions, and political pull? Do they use other factions like a military/ police force on their behalf to keep everything in line? Gotta have somebody at the bottom regularly asserting the will of the master. Thats kinda why the Nazi party was so damned scary, having a standing army and secrete police on the home front to keep the populace in a constant state of terror of challenging them. What are some of the rules for your Vampires? Seems anymore the classic set that made them what they were, has been transformed into making them something unrecognizable by giving them very little in the way of 'weaknesses' that they originally had. Basically giving them a 'Demi-God' status, with little threat to them out side of being staked or starving. The playing in the sunshine thing is a big one for me, that really defeats the purpose of being a Vampire in the first place. Though to be fair there are a lot of rules in the old folklore where Vampires originated. How do the Vampires feel about Hybrids? While am not much of a Vampire fan, I rather like the dynamic and there for have curiosity about where your going with this.
I can say that the vampire thing is slightly overdone but your story has not been done. So I would agree with others; start writing and see how it gets out of control (those are my favorite moments) because I do think it has plenty potential.
