The man wears a blue and white surcoat quartered with alternating colors, with an opposing colored sword emblem on the upper quarters and on the shoulder are three redlines parallel to the neck. Does this make since and can you picture what I am describing? If you don't understand: blue-white sword emblem ---------white-blue sword emblem white -----------------------------blue Is there a better way to describe it?
His surcoat alternates between white-blue and blue-white color patterns? It'd help if you find a picture of what it's supposed to look like from online, and post that..
In short, no, I don't particularly understand what the coat is supposed to look like. How about something like this? The man wears a blue and white surcoat, which displays the emblem of a sword upon each side of his chest. Three red lines run across the shoulder, parallel to his neck. Is such detailed description of his coat really necessary however? If not, maybe just leave it out, or simplify it by saying The man wears a blue and white surcoat which bore the symbol of a sword upon it, and leave it at that?
Those hyphens are confusing. I understood it, but the way you described it seems very rigid. Look at Heather's descriptions. They're not necessarily better, but they flow more and just sound like they ooze the thoughts that went into it. Heraldry, dear, is an art, and you don't screw with it.
http://www.southernswords.co.uk/images/SR-100908.jpg Obviously not the colors, but the pattern is the same. The emblems would be blue on white and white on blue. Crucifiction: Is the emblem called a device in period or is that just what they called it in SCA? And yes this is his Herald color and emblem, that is why it is important. It also is used to identify a person in battle when in armor or at a distance. The red lines are rank insignia.
I had to google what heraldry meant, bless me :redface: If it is important then, SeverinR, then yea, maybe try and make it a little clearer whilst still getting the detail in. Hope my example helped a little. Also, you may want to inform the reader that the red lines represent rank (because I wasn't aware until you said just then). Just a suggestion
The MC just met the person at this point and is also not aware of the rank either, but I will tell the reader when she "discovers" it. What I get from your description is this color pattern: http://www.hobbitronics.com/images/mens/surcoat01.jpg Blue on one side, white on the other. I found the color surcoat(without the swords) but placed over chainmaille: http://nertea.the3rdage.net/tutorials/langstrand/surcoat2.jpg
Does the arrangement of the squares matter like? I understand the rank, and the sword symbol are important, but does the four squares, rather than halves, matter or mean anything? If they do, I'm not really sure how you could describe that without being too wordy/complicated.
I haven't worked out other heraldry in the book, so no one might have the side by side blue and white surcoat, but comparing the two pictures is quite different. To me the side by side colors is boring. I made my riding tunic and had planned on making a surcoat like the one I described(but in my green and gold colors, with Fleur de lis emblem instead of swords)
Yea, I can see that the two pictures are obviously quite different, but if it doesn't signify anything, it doesn't matter about describing it in that much detail really? If you think you can word it in a way which makes it clear and non-wordy to the reader, then put it in. However, if it ends up feeling clumpy and like it doesn't make sense, I'd say it's better to just describe it in less detail.
