Ask her why she's doing this there's got to be a reason...!!! And if there isn't....then she's not the kinda girl you'd like to rely on.
There can be host of different reasons why a girl will change her mind about things like this - often it just boils down to being unsure of what she wants for herself. The only good thing about that is that it's likely her dealing with her own issues, rather than it being your fault (for a distinct lack of better way of putting it). Sucks that you got caught in the crossfire - and I would have politely told her that it wasn't quite appropriate to expect things to immediately return to the way they used to be. I won't end on cliches about time etc, but you have my empathy.
Well, I won't say anything lame like "cheer up, you - plenty of fish...blah blah blah", 'cos I know that doesn't help, but I hope this does... There's obviously qualities about you that she recognised and valued, and attracted her to you in the first place - the fact that she wishes to remain friends speaks to the fact that she still values those qualities, just perhaps in a different way. It's not ideal - I've been on both sides more than enough times to know that - but it may be of some comfort.
Thanks for that. It really does help, not to the point of being all better, but thanks a bunch. Glad I have somewhere to go when I need help like WF.
Toilet Seats Men need em up, women need em down simple right? I dont understand why some women make such a big song and dance about men leaving the seat up, i mean how often do we get off and flick it back up for them? Sorry for the rant but after hearing some women going on about it, as a female myself i just fail to see why its such a big deal..my man always leaves it up and when i go in i have to say its not an overly huge effort to flick it down. *gives long sigh* that feels better
I say the same thing all the time - if it's such a simple thing to do, why would I waste so much energy complaining that someone else didn't do it.
You: We're in a relationship. What gives? Her: Well, I think we're more like friends, so let's be pals instead. You: Well I don't. I've got plenty of friends. I don't want to end things. I'm really happy where we are. Her: But I think we're better as friends! That's when you hang up the phone and don't talk to her for a while...
Only one at any given time, but I have lived for a few years. (Ok, there have been times in the past when I've tried to have more than one - it isn't as much fun as it sounds.)
Even trying to keep them from realizing isn't a whole load of fun. Anyway, the point was that friends are not worth less than lovers. To cast someone aside because she wants to be a friend rather than a lover at a particular time is a bit cold. And if she is wondering whether you only want her for the physical side of the relationship, what kind of message are you giving her?
I have to disagree a little... The issue wasn't really about casting her aside, it was a point of saying that when you are hurt, it's not always the best idea to remain in close contact with the person that hurt you immediately following. I don't believe that de-values a friendship, as a good friend should understand that you might need a little time to come to grips with the dissolution of the relationship on a different level.
The issue I saw was that She felt the relationship was more than a friendship, and felt a need to "back it off" to a friendhip. Meanwhile, He was being advised that when She wants to be "just friends", cut and run.
Cog... I do agree with you in principle - I really do, but in the posts that I made, I didn't infer that, and Marks' also said 'don't talk to her for a while'. I think that is solid advice for someone that is trying to sort through their feelings, as constant contact with someone who is confusing you isn't necessarily the best idea for him, and he is the one seeking advice. If she was on here and asking for advice on how to repair a friendship like this, I'd still advise backing off for a bit and let him settle down. Edit: I think that as long as she is aware of why he needs the space, rather than giving her the cold shoulder and cutting her off completely, it's a healthy immediate solution.
To me, this is cutting her off. If she had said, "I need some space," by all means give her that space. But if she says, "I need you more as a friend right now," then the best solution, in my opinion, is to let her decide from moment to moment how much distance she needs. And since he is the one seeking advice, my point is that walking away from her for a while isn't going to make him feel any better, and it's also leaving her without the friend to talk to. But I can see your point too. If he feels he needs the space, then he should be up front with her about that. But leave the door open a crack. If they are goin=g to be friends, friends can help each other through the rough spots in each othre's lives.
nothing like a young man who thinks he's in love but a woman spurning his advances, mainly cos she's afraid. Maybe SHE is afraid that this relationship might end up hurting her, even if she wants to go ahead, she doesn't want to lose you as a friend, so she tells you she wants you just as a friend.
That's entirely possible, Neha. I've known a lot of relationships fail because of a failure to communicate.
At work there is a really cute girl that works in dressing room department. She's always nice to me, although I only recently plucked up the courage to get into light conversation with her. I said very little as I didn't want to bother her. Plus she might get a little freaked out if I got lost in her clear blue eyes. She was nice to me, and complimented me on my politeness. However, when I asked her to hand me some clothes and she bent forward, you know E-bow couldn't resist a look at that juicy rump! I know I should treat her with a little more respect, and I do respect her and everything she says. But she is very beautiful, its hard not to look. Anyway I would like to get to know her better(not in that way you perverts ). Please give me some advice.
