That Moment...

That moment when you try to show your kids how cool you are by throwing a big ol' chunk of hard snow as high up in the air as you can, only to have it smash down onto your three-year-old daughter...

That, kids, is precisely how cool your father is. Sigh.

 

TMW you've asked your sister how many mirrors her tween daughter owns, and your high school friend what chronic ailments old VW Bugs suffer from, in support of the same story. I want to want to drink, but I'm not quite in the mood.

Better call my sponsor and have him bring me a beer.

 

TMW I feel the urge to take the main character of my General Mysteries (set in modern times, our world) and make him some half-alien/human hybrid with freaky powers, despite none of that making sense with the rest of the setting.

 

Sounds like what happened to the movie version of Dreamcatcher.

 

Wow. TMW you try to make your once a week, blog-update post to your nearly abandoned Twitter feed only to discover that the little blue bird doing a Monty Python cameo...

Doesn't really matter, nobody's ever followed a link from there into the blog anyway.

 

Bodacious, hellacious, and shambolic are some more of those "are those really words?" words. According to Merriam Webster, "bodacious" dates from 1832, and is probably a combination of "bold" and "audacious". "Hellacious" comes from 1929 and is a combination of "hell" and the "-acious" from "audacious," while "shambolic" is the baby of the bunch, dating from 1970, and probably deriving from "shambles."

 

TMW you lose focus on the hour hand because the minute hand has made you panic. Guess I'll definitely have time to hit the donut shop before the movie...

 

Man, I so hope your real name is "Homer," that would make it just so much funnier.


"Homer told me to."

 

Aaaah, that's nothin'. Report back when you have all the customers staring at the ceiling too. Then we'll know you have what it takes to rule a small nation.

Just kiddin'. The visual on your post was hilarious.

Aaaaanyway....

TMW You ask your friends to kick your ass if you ever start getting lost in your past like Norma Desmond.

 

Homer's a biblical name, Book of Odysseus, Chapter 1, Verse 3-8

 

Let's see: "Jesus God Soprano" fits. We'll go with that.

 

That moment when you're either coming down with a cold or you've got hay fever, don't know which, and can't find any medication for either.

 

TMW you're walking home from dinner with the in-laws and a professional sumo wrestler rides past you on a three-speed bicycle.

 

I've never understood the appeal of sumo wrestling to the sumo wrestler himself. I keep thinking like this:

Sports agent: You should try sumo! You become a celebrity and make piles of money and win the love and fandom of a whole nation!
Me: Sounds great!
SA: All you have to do is pack on four hundred pounds of fat.
Me. Uh, I'll take up golf instead.
SA: You sure?
Me: (thinks a moment) Yeah, golf. Or maybe ping-pong.
SA: But...but tradition and stuff!
Me: Look, if I'm going to compete wearing almost nothing, I'd better look like Mr. Universe and not a partially-inflated beachball.

 

But you don't make piles of money...

Still, somehow I get it. They're something special, distinct. They never, but never wear regular civvies. They live together and take care of each other. In a weird way, they're like soldiers*

*broadest meaning of the word, including sailors, airmen, and Marines.

 

They actually have quite a bit of muscle as well, don't get it wrong.

 

I love the fact that they are kept in stables, and nobody else thinks
that's a bit strange (though I guess they are the equiv of horses if
they ran rik-shaws on their down time).

 

TMW ... four "newbie" authors come to you for help/advice and you help/advise them because you're a genuinely nice person ... and then within months, these people are best sellers and are doing things you've only dreamed of because you're yet to get to the top of the ladder.

-_-
smh and wondering if it's all worth it.

 

TMW you're rounding second but her dad comes home early and you're both scrambling and this is ridiculous you're in your forties and you've been together with her for a third of your life and married for nearly that long but damn his timing...

 

"You poor, poor dear."

 

You could start an advice blog/podcast?