That Moment...

That moment when you realize you can just do all you`r tedious healthcare tasks done online without those dreaded phone calls.


I hate phone calls.

 

TMW someone mentions that they nearly voted for your story in the writing contest but didn't.

 

That moment when you really need to get an early night, but there's no point because it's Bonfire Night.

 

I've heard so many times that my story (when I was still entering) was a close second choice... wonderful feeling, isn't it?

 

... when you make a really dumb comment in the mess room at work and someone has to point out your error and they all do that dispairing head-in-hands snigger, and you just want a hole to open and swallow you.

 

That's when you look at them blankly, roll your eyes a little, mutter a comment about people not understanding irony, and pray they don't see through your ruse.

 

Conversational Fool's Mate?

 

... Yes! ...

 

That moment when you think you're finished taking a piss, so you put your junk away only to find you apparently have a second bladder that only wants to empty once you've put your dick away

 

That moment when you finally lay down to sleep, but the tinnitus starts screaming into your ears, cutting through into your brain. I would like to sleep now, I have quite a long day tomorrow...

 

Brilliant! If only I had the speed of thought to pull that off.

 

There’s nothing quite like that less than warm dribble down the inside of your thigh, is there?

Maybe I should start wearing underwear.

 

Thigh? With me it’s the left (the way I dress) ankle.

 

When is it ever just a dribble?

 

Impacted kidney stones will humble you of such matters permanently.

 

TMW you pull your car over at the fire station to go vote, and there next to the curb is a big, bright red, juicy tomato, with only a bad spot or two on the underside, and you take it home and eat the good part the next day because not doing so would be Wasteful.

(Now let's all speculate how and why that tomato got there.)

 

That moment when you're playing Brawlhalla, and you give your opponent a win by accidentally jumping off the platform to your doom!

 

TMW you get a drunken phone call from an estranged sibling (if your caller can slur ‘I love you man’ five times into a single sentence without taking a breath, he’s probably been drinking) because he found your phone number in some old papers and it dawned on him the two of you have only spoken twice since 1998.

 

Now I have an image of some poor soul emerging from the polling station to find his lunch has gone.

 

No, let’s all speculate why you’re eating food found by a street curb

 

TMW you find an old song you thought you lost and memories assault you in the best way possible, causing a tear or three to be shed.

In August, I lost a dear friend of mine. He was one of my mentors. Went all the way to Toronto for the funeral service and remember not crying then. I joked over his body, like we would when he walked among the living. Now, before I go out to deal with the day, I find a song he introduced me to way back in 2013. Maybe that's not "way back" for some, but I go through friends like I do socks - very few do I keep for long.

I'll give a toast to his name later today.

 

I guess this is the way how they stay with us even when they are gone. Little things, already nice when they happened and now so much more powerful because they stir precious memories. Actually quite a consoling thought.

Hope this makes any sense, anyway, take care.

 

... you’re watching a cosmetics commercial with your 86 year old dad and he says (of the woman in said commercial) “Isn’t she ugly?” and you have to explain the woman they’ve used is the survivor of an acid attack.

 

Yikes.

 

In his defence (although there's none for the 'Isn't she ugly?' remark) his eyes are failing and he thought her appearance was the result of too much botox/plastic surgery.