Hey everyone! So I'm taking a break from my novel and am working on a short story, but I've come across this one thing that's bugging me. In my story, the 10 year-old MC had forgotten about show and tell and in desperation grabbed an eraser to make his show and tell item. These are the final two sentences before he starts: Well, if there was one thing I was good at, it was coming up with stories. This eraser was about to go through one heck of an adventure. The story is written in first person past tense, and I first wrote "that eraser," but it didn't feel right because he's currently holding the eraser (in the story . . . I don't understand the whole where is the narrator's time thing) so I changed it to "this eraser." Which is correct, or should I reword the sentence completely?
"This eraser" sounds better in my head for whatever that is worth. If it were me and I was 10 year old boy I'd probably go cheeky and call it "Mr./Mrs. Eraser" but that's just me.
I would use "this" because the boy has the eraser in his hand. If the eraser was sitting over there on the teacher's desk, then I'd use "that".
I debated on that, but the impact is so . . . not there. I don't mean that "this eraser" is like a huge thing, but it does feel like it fits better, y'know? Do you think "this eraser" sounds bad enough to warrant changing it to "the eraser"?
I think if anything gives you (or worse, a reader) pause, it's definitely worth eliminating if there's a simple solution. Sometimes there isn't a simple solution, or one that you like, and that's fine. But I would definitely consider it over going with a word that you're unsure about.
Yes, but which eraser? I'm sure a classroom contains more than one. Demonstrative adjectives indicate the position of an object in relation to the speaker. This/these= nearby That/those= out of reach.
I believe "that" is formally correct. "This" feels a bit closer to the character. I'm a stickler for many points of grammar, but I'm not bothered by "this".
The MC picks up an eraser. He talks about the eraser. A reader would have to be pretty stupid not to realise which one he was referring to...
Well, if there was one thing I was good at, it was coming up with stories. This eraser was about to go through one heck of an adventure. I think your mistake is revealing the story before it happens. Pick up the rubber and do it. Also, string of 'was' is quite ugly.
Thanks everyone! I'll keep "this" for now and consider what you guys said for the next draft. Hopefully by then I'll have it all figured out.
