This is not my first draft of my query letter. I've been working with members at AgentQuery Connect (A great forum with great people) to fix up my original letter. Here is my latest draft: - Hello Agent XYZ, The civil war that rages in the kingdom of Arisia never affected Hunter Ashdown. All he wants in life is to explore the land, free from the memories of his dead mother and his missing father. Hunter didn't realize he had the gift of magic until an agent of the rebellion nearly killed his sister. The leader of the revolution, Maelstrom, had sent the agent to bring Hunter and his rare magic to his side of the war, but had injured Hunter's sister in the process. Hunter quickly comes to realize that Maelstrom will stop at nothing to convert Hunter to his side, including hurting his family. Not wishing to endanger his family further, he leaves his town, accompanied by a gruff war veteran named Aaron. Aaron is convinced that Hunter’s skill with light magic can aid the kingdom in its plight against Maelstrom. He trains Hunter in the art of magic, helping him become stronger as a magician. Hunter makes good use of this training, evading Maelstrom’s attempts to capture him. Aaron guides Hunter to the desert fief of Eremus, where the kingdom prepares for a potential onslaught by Maelstrom’s forces. Until then, Hunter has been fighting to protect himself. Now, it isn’t just his life on the line, but the lives of thousands of soldiers desperate to hold onto their homeland. Hunter soon finds himself in the thick of fighting, using his abilities with light to heal injured allies and disorient enemy soldiers. Despite these efforts, the battle takes a sharp downturn for Eremus’ defenders. Hunter questions his heroism as Aaron suggests a daring plan, one that could mean victory for Eremus, but would mean almost certain death for Hunter and those he loves. I read on AgentQuery that you are very interested in fantasy novels, especially those with well-developed characters. (Example sentence that reflect agent’s interests) The Battle for Eremus is an 110,000 word (don’t worry, it will be cut down in the coming weeks) standalone novel with series potential. Thank you for your time and consideration! - Any comments whatsover are very welcome to this post. The more input I get, the better my query could shape up. Thanks again to anyone reading this. I'll be sure to critique others' query letters as well.