Hey everyone. I'm finally getting ready to submit my novel to agents, and I'm working on my query. This is my first attempt, and I'm hoping to get some feedback to know if I'm going in the right direction. Thank you! Azure Callahan’s world is turned upside down when her date is swallowed by flames after kissing her. Thinking she’s a monster, she runs away from everything she knows, ending up in the lair of those like her- dragons. She is intrigued when the leader of the dragons, Cian, mentions her mother, whom she soon learns is dead. Azure becomes painfully aware she is different than the others. Cian refuses to answer her unyielding slew of questions, which only causes her to try to find her answers elsewhere. Between befriending Liam, Cian’s son, and somehow having her mother’s memories thrust into her mind, she begins to uncover things that others refuse to tell her. When she expresses interest in going back home, Liam advises her to stay with them, insisting that his father will soon warm up to her. Upon learning Cian’s intentions for her, sparked by a betrayal from Liam, she flees the dragon’s lair. Cian is furious and will stop at nothing to get Azure back under his control, including thwarting his very plans to live among the humans peacefully. When more secrets are revealed by her father, he prepares her to face Cian and try to stop him from destroying everything around her, dragons and humans alike. The Dragon Child is a contemporary fantasy novel complete at 62,404 words. It is a standalone novel. The (requirements) are submitted below. Thank you for your time and consideration.
I would include the first and possibly second paragraph in the query. The agent will first want to know if you can write at all and maybe the plot after that. Character names are irrelevant at this point, and at all future points if you ask me.
Is Cian her father? I'm confused. You're also being far too vague where it matters (eg. "She begins to uncover things" and "Cian's intentions for her" etc) and being far too specific in other places. The second paragraph quite literally tells us nothing - you pretty much say so yourself when you wrote, "Cian refuses to answer her slew of questions" and later that the memories of her mother has "somehow" been thrust upon her. So what are the stakes? I don't really get it. Humankind and dragons are gonna be destroyed - why should I care? And what's this gotta do with Azure?
It’s cute at the start. But I have never tried this, the ‘best boy’ method... ...so when you reach that ‘among others like her...’ moment - why not withhold the dragon reveal and just say... ‘it is 62000 words, all best and thank you.’? Then as an agent I’d go read it..although agents always say they have ‘so much to read’ - it is kind of the easiest job in the world so they might read the first page regardless, drinking coffee..
There are numerous websites that provide tips and samples for query letters. Virtually all that I’ve seen recommend stating the title, word count, and genre at the beginning of the letter—usually just following some kind of ‘hook’ or introductory sentence as to why you are querying that particular agent. You are trying to set yourself apart, to be one selected from hundreds of query submissions so that the agent will bother to read your attached 5-10 pages. So the letter, and those attached pages, need to rock. It is really tough—as I and others on the forum can attest. Suggest a reboot on your letter after you read more samples. BTW, with the average novel between 80-120k, yours is on the novella side. Good luck.
Thank you all for your feedback. I'm working on making a new query. I am taking all of your suggestions into consideration as well as some from others(Not on this forum) This is what I'm working on now. I was told I should include something about myself, but I haven't really had any classes or attended any conventions/ conferences, so this is what I have so far to try to make my bio section relevant. Now I'm worried it might be too short? A date ending in flames sends Azure running for her life and straight into the hands of others like her. While among them, she embraces friendships, feels betrayal, and uncovers secrets of her past. It isn’t long until Azure becomes painfully aware that she is different. The others want her dead and will stop at nothing to make this a reality. Now she is on the run again, only this time it’s from something far more destructive than she ever could be. For the last ten years, I’ve been in the beauty industry where I’ve met people from all walks of life and built relationships with them. From this, I am able to pull inspiration and learn about many different places, cultures, and personalities, which fuels my writing. The Dragon Child, my debut novel, is a contemporary fantasy novel complete at 62,000 words. It is a standalone novel, and per your instructions, I have attached (requirements). Thank you for your time and consideration. I look forward to hearing from you.
The new boyfriend is sizzling hot. But not in a good way. His ashes warm the room and Azure contemplates the ferocity of her new secret power. She sweeps him through the open window tasting The sulphurous and eggy breath of her childhood which now in adolescence has a purpose beyond her comprehension. She must seek her own kind. Children of the Fire is... I wouldn't bother telling them about your life and earnestnessness. Tell them you breathe fire.
Skip the bio; they only want info relevant to the topic. We all have romance (and tragedy) experience. Drop the “standalone”—implied unless it is beginning of a series. Again, begin with stating why querying that agent, title, genre, word count. Recommend that you access and read samples of query letters available on the web.
I would take out the part about the beauty industry. I usually go with an intro/logline. Then two short paragraph synopsis. I finish with the blurb below about why I drafted the novel and a bio sentence at the end but only because I have multiple master degrees. Also, 62,000 words is really short for a fantasy novel, you might want to market the book as young adult. I have drafted (name of novel) with painstaking attention to creating a compelling story that will draw fantasy fans into a world filled with action, conspiracy, and deception. This story appeals to anyone who enjoys carefully crafted characters who play off of one another with an interesting mix of forthright charm and underhanded deviousness.
