The Not Happy Thread

Yes, sewing can be hard.

 

Okay, I may be able to help a little bit, actually. I've got a couple solutions, I think.

If the problem is in your grip, you're probably (when you're trying to balance the bow out) gripping too hard with your whole hand. If you let all (or any, really) fingers tighten around the bow, then you'll start to lose control, your wrist will probably become stiffer, etc. And that can make it a lot harder to control the tip of your bow, so that's when the mid-to-tip area of the bow will move past the area between the bridge and fingerboard, and up onto the fingerboard. Or, alternatively, down past the bridge and onto that screechy area which is pretty unpleasant to listen to.

Another problem could be with how, precisely, you're holding your bow. I know the only people in a string orchestra with a completely different bow grip are the double basses, so this isn't just going to be a violin thing. Something that a lot of new players do is completely forget about their thumb. Lots of people keep it straight and tense, instead of curved. It should curve so that the tip is touching the underside of the bow's stick, and the second knuckle is brushing (or touching) the bow's hair where it connects to that little plastic part (don't remember the name of it, lol). Other things to remember: keep your pinky curved, let it rest on the stick near the frog, your index finger curves around the stick with the space between your first and second knuckle resting on top of the stick and the rest of the finger curving more or less towards that little plastic part. So, it's like your hand is leaning on the bow, almost. This is all super basic and I'm sure you already know it, but eeeh it's good to go over anyway, cause stuff like this causes a lot of problems for newbies.

Two more things, just bear with me, lol

Another possible problem could be with your wrist; you said something about relaxing and tensing it. NEVER, under any circumstances, keep your wrist tense and straight. It puts unnecessary strain on your wrist and the rest of the arm. But don't keep it too relaxed, either, because that'll probably make you lose your grip a little, which leads to you gripping harder on the bow with your hand, which leads to squeaky noises and lots of tears. So, when bowing, your wrist needs to be relaxed, yes, but not too relaxed. Actually, a better word, I think, would be fluid. It needs to be able to move with the bow stroke. So keep your wrist loose, but not relaxed, if that makes sense.

Final possible problem! You also said something about the index finger, and it being important. The index finger, in fact, is very important. But what you do isn't, as you said, apply the pressure yourself. I played the cello once or twice, and that didn't work, lol. With the violin it's a little different, but not much. "Letting your arm weight go into the strings" is a bit vague, so if your teacher has been saying that to you, I'm sorry.

Like I think I said before, instead of putting pressure intentionally on the bow with your index finger, lean into it with your arm and the rest of your hand. This is a lot easier with an upbow, but it's the same principle with the downbow. Instead of leaning up, lean down.

This turned into an essay, wow. I hope I helped you fix your problem!

 

I honest to god hate my Generalized Anxiety Disorder so fucking much. It really sucks! Dx Sometimes it fills my head with realities that aren't true and leaves me feeling seething rage toward people who've never harmed me in any way, or feeling frantic, scared, and lost.

I do take meds, but sometimes it's all I can do to play the mental mind game to keep myself under control. No wonder people with anxiety turn to alcoholism. D: BUT THEN THAT INCREASES THE ANXIETY!!!

GAAAAAAAAAAHHH!!!!

 

@Skye Walker. Wow, thank you so much for taking the time and energy to write all this!

When I say that the tip of the bow goes up and down I don't mean that it doesn't stay perpendicular to the strings. Consider that the strings go in an arch and the tip of the bow is pointing up when on the lowest string and point further down as you move up to higher strings so that when you bow you are moving the bow along a tangent line to that arch. I meant that when I bow I am constantly changing that tangent line. This usually results in the bow hair hitting another string or, when playing on the highest string, the side of the cello (where the hollowed C-bout is).

Now, join me in my frustration.

Every piece of advice you've said I've already seen on youtube clips and read up somewhere else. I'm still not getting it right! The last bit of advice is on point. This is what I know I want to achieve but I can't. I think the problem might be that I don't know how to really hold the bow. I mean, clearly some sort of holding or balancing must happen with your fingers or the bow would fall down - it can't balance on the strings in mid-air, that's Wingardium Leviosa trickery. So I try to think of it as not holding the bow but merely helping balancing it on the string. But when I bow it's like something happens - I don't know what - but my thumb immediately starts pressing against the frog. Any attempt to relax it makes the bow hold suddenly unstable, which suggests that I'm doing something wrong and my thumb is trying to compensate.

I have no problems sitting and drilling something so tedious and boring as just bowing up and down on an open string over and over. But I'm not going to do it if I know it's going to injure my hand. So it's like I can't even get to work on improving my right hand technique because I do it in a harmful way.

 

When I used to golf A LOT one of the biggest things about having a good golf grip is to not do it too tight, and one of the tips is to grip it like you are holding an egg. Maybe you need to find an exercise outside of playing the cello that will help you work on having an extremely soft grip but still have control. Make it an exercise you can do wherever so that you can do it all the time.

 

oh. OH that makes sense.

If this is what your problem is (correct me if I'm wrong), your bow hitting other strings and/or squeaking when you cross strings, that's something that fixes itself over time. And your bow grip does, too. It's sort of like learning how to balance, you just have to keep trying at it, and it'll get better over time. Your body subconsciously learns how to reach that goal, so there's not really much you can do to speed up that process except for making sure you have the correct technique. Over the next few months, the problems when string-crossing will fix themselves.

I know why that was so frustrating to you, though. That happens with everyone when they start playing a string instrument. Personally, I just wanted to fix it, but I was to lazy to practice all the time (and school happened, too), but even though I didn't practice all the time, the string-crossing problem just sorta... faded away.

There are two other things that I forgot to say in my other post that could be helpful.

1. You don't have to keep all of the bow hair on the strings, all the time. In fact, most players tilt the bow forward slightly so that only that edge is touching the string. It's a lot easier to focus on everything else if you're not trying to make sure all of your bow hairs are touching the strings.
2. While your wrist needs to be fluid and adaptable, everything above your wrist needs to stay in one position. Your elbow needs to be bent at the exact same angle the entire time you're playing. If that makes sense.
3. This just occurred to me. I'm sure your posture is good, what with your frantic Youtubing to fix your problem, but this is a simple thing that can be overlooked. Make sure both arms are in the right places, and that they stay there. Holding your arms up can be tiring, but good posture can definitely make all the difference.

 

@Skye Walker, yeah, I do the tilting... I wonder if I'm not tilting too much, which would probably make my thumb work a bit harder... so it's not really the muscles in my thumb that are getting worn out or anything; it's the tip of the thumb getting tingly as though slowly getting number and the knuckle thumbs that start to hurt. I mean after a while the muscles do get a little bit tired but it's nowhere near as bad as the numb tip and hurting knuckles.

The string-crossing thing is really at its worst with the highest string because it grazes the side of the cello so it stops making sound.

I'll to have another teacher look at it since my current one can't seem to identify the problem. It'll cost me a bit but might be worth it. This is just getting depressing because I really want to play and I can't for more than a minute before the thumb starts acting up.

 

I hate my roommate... I hate him, I hate him, I hate him.

My husband worked for Lowe's as an assistant manager for two years. He got laid off a couple months ago. My roommate got hired there a couple weeks ago. Today, he came home and started telling my husband all the people that didn't like him and how my roommate likes to annoy them because of it.

Why would you come home and tell my husband about people who don't like him? The fuck is wrong with you?

Jesus, I hate him....

 

Do you have cats? Maybe they should magically start shitting in his bed and in his shoes?

 

Don't endanger the kitties, head to Taco Bell, wash down with tequila, and do your own business.

 

Chuckleberg's Circus has been messing with the coding on Facebook again, and now I can't post anything from my Android. They always try to blame the keyboard, but I can still respond to other people's comments. Creating my own posts though? Nope.

 

I'm done. I -- am -- fucking -- done.

For the first time in three years, I considered just running away. Not far. Just packing a small bag and going to a hotel without telling anyone -- including my husband. I'm tired of dealing with the bullshit. I'm tired of trying and getting nowhere. I'm just tired. And I can't do it anymore.

 

Tell your husband that. And after that, ball's in his court. If he doesn't do the right thing... yeah. Maybe it's time for a trip.

 

Do you have any friends in the area you could crash with for a day or two? It's amazing the clarity that a half-empty bed can bring to a person's mind.

 

I'm so sorry you've been pushed to your limit. Looks like it's definitely time to do something, you gotta look after you.

 

@Lea`Brooks : This must be how you're feeling. Life just keeps on slapping you relentlessly.

But I want you to know something. We're here for you. We all are. Even though we're not in your room right now, even though we're just blocks of words with pictures...we're all here. You don't have to suffer shit from Mr. LazyAss McBaby, or your hubby. You are your own woman, and no one gets to metaphorically slap the shit out of you. You will rise and kick their asses, and we will be there with you kicking their asses behind you.

 

All the stress and health problems are killing me >_<

 

TMW you wake up with severe anxiety after looking up the news.

Don't ever do this again, self. Now I'm ready for America to turn into a Socialist-Liberal dictatorship and crush all Trump supporters.

 

I completely feel you on that... I've been avoiding social media for the last couple days. Between the United drama, the school shooting, and the bombings, I'm just over it. lol

 

Come to think of it... the thing with Trump was probably what got me drinking too much earlier this year.

 

Thanks for the support everyone. I was having a very bad day yesterday, roommate wise.

I got up early so I could drink some coffee before work and wake up and relax. And since my roommate's bed is a bed bug breeding ground, he's been sleeping on the couch. And he slept all the way until it was time for me to leave for work. I have a three room condo. I can only sit in my room, his room, or the living room. So I had to sit in my room, in the dark, and drink my coffee without waking up my husband.

Then my roommate was pestering me while I was at work, asking me which steamer he should get and where to find bed bags because the two places he called didn't have them so what should he do? I texted my husband and asked him to take care of it because I was too annoyed to deal with it. He's a grown-up and it's his room. Fucking take care of it.

So I was dreading coming home. Just wanted to leave and stay gone that night. Should've done that too. Because when I got home, my husband took some towels out of the dryer and put them in our roommate's bathroom... And discovered the towel rack had broken off the wall.

I was too tired to be pissed. It was one more broken thing at the hands of my roommate. One more issue that he should've addressed us about. I visually deflated and sat on my porch by myself for about a half hour. My husband came out and asked what was wrong and I just started crying.

Apparently my husband responds to tears better than yelling because he was understanding. He promised me that, starting next month, our roommate is going to start paying extra in rent every month until he pays us back for 1) the cut in rent we gave him, 2) the new mattress we have to buy him, and 3) the bed bug treatment. It's not kicking him out. But it's holding him responsible.

And then my husband told me to figure out where I wanna go and we'll take a small vacation next month.

Progress. It's better than going backwards.

 

Your husband sounds like a really nice guy. He obviously feels for his friend and is trying his hardest to do what he feels is the right thing- obviously there is no easy answer. Not saying that your situation is a good one, but maybe your man deserves some credit or at the very least some empathy.

 

I reached a breaking point with my mom today. We recently got a new cat and it's been a battle getting my siblings and my dad to keep the doors shut so the cat can't wander outside. (I've had a kitten get outside before and get ran over and I didn't want to repeat that episode.) The cat got out last night though and she was meowing at every door until someone let her in. I asked my mom to tell my brothers and sisters to close the doors when they go outside because they would probably listen to her better than they listen to me.

My mom replied to my simple request with, "Why are you telling me what to do! You can't expect our family to change their entire lives for your cat!" I truly, honestly don't understand how it's "changing their entire lives" to ask my siblings to close the damn door when they go in and out of the house. To me it doesn't seem like that big a deal, but I guess that's asking too much of my family. And silly me, I tried to calmly convince my mom to see my point of view, to which she replied, "Why do you keep insisting on this! I swear, you sound like you have mental problems!" That was just another insult in a long line of insults she's called my since I moved back in and I just stood there for a second and realized this living situation was not gonna work out.

So yeah, I packed my things and I'm probably going to live with my grandma for a while. I could see the hurt in my mom's eyes when I was packing, but all I could think was, "You yell at me constantly and treat me like I'm five. Why would I want to stick around for that?" So, hopefully I'll find my own place soon. My grandma isn't as bad as my mom, but she comes with her own set of problems, like being scared of everything, lol.

 

I'll take ya. Me and my husband love cats, never yell, are more than happy to treat you like an adult, and always keep the doors closed.