The Not Happy Thread

I can definitely see that working. A very mild sauce, and sweet to pair with the squash. I think the problem might have been anyone pairing it with a red sauce; in that case it'll just taste like a sweet tomato sauce over plain pasta.

 

So let me get this straight: tomorrow is the day Alabamians get to decide whether a Civil Rights leader, or a pedophile who apparently supports slavery gets to represent us in the US Senate.

The fact I even had to write this says it all...

Time to see just how ass-backward my state is...

 

I think too many people just assume that if it's ravioli then you have it exactly the same way you would if it was beef, like whatever the filling is then it's just a replacement for the meat. And while I joke; it's important to pick recipes that are designed to be made with those ingredients. You got to match your flavors up properly.

 

As horrible as it sounds, I guarantee you it's far less pleasant for the people on the other side of the bars.

 

Was he perhaps a member of the Branch Davidians?

 

How hellish- finals this week, my body is adversely adjusting to my meds, I’ve caught a cold

 

Don't be so fast to close yourself back up. Perhaps be more judicious about who let in, but don't just say that no-one gets in, even if it doesn't always work out as you'd like.

Trust me man; I've spent a lot of my life being a professional enigma. I have gone to significant pains to be inscrutable for a very long time, as long as I can remember. I am a man made of scars and secrets; both mine and other peoples. And it's a weight, an albatross around your neck. It's necessary sometimes. But not all the time. Meeting someone I could be honest with was... Awesome.

It's ok to look after yourself. But don't give up on being honest, being open and being you. Not to everyone. But don't give up on it.

 

Secret Santa party tonight. The way Secret Santa works at our school involves us giving them lots of little gifts leading up to the big one. But the tuck shop is open half an hour a day, and there was so much stuff to do... So yeah, I messed that one ip. And for the icing on the cake, the gift I ordered and was so anxious about a few posts ago (you guessed it) DIDN'T ARRIVE. So now I have to look one of the loveliest girls in the year in the face and tell her I have nothing for her. So I'm sitting here in my room in my nice dress with my hair brushed not daring to show my face.

 

It's the most precious gift of all... Disappointment

 

Whoopsie! Could you possibly whip up a makeshift gift, like fold paper money into a rose, with a straw or something for a stem? Or maybe into a Christmas tree.

 

What you’re saying makes a lot of sense, I just can’t be so rational with my emotional states most of the time. It’s an overriding authoritarian narrative that arises with a full fledged effort to immediately put an end to vulnerability and pain. That usually is in the form of putting up walls.

I mean everyone in life disappoints, maybe it’s time to just adjust the expectations to always expect disappointment and being let down by people I care about. Is that part of the openness experience?

 

Sadly it kinda is part of the experience of openness. And it sucks. Really it does. You are not alone in feeling that everyone disappoints you. But it's not everyone. And hardship makes us wiser. The answer isn't just to hide inside yourself; it's to be open with those who you can trust. And that is always a tightrope, it always comes at the risk of pain. Being honest is to be vulnerable. And being vulnerable always comes with the risk of hurt.

But it's also the only thing that will actually make you happy in the long run.

I can understand the desire to put up the walls. And, if you've been hurt, then you might need that for a while. And that's ok. It's ok to martial yourself and find your zen; find your sense of self and focus on what you want from life. But... Not forever. Because in the end; your joys are multiplied and your sorrows halved by sharing them. What is anything worth if you never share it?

I hear you absolutely about not being able to control your emotions. You meet me just off the back of a... Turbulent time in my life. I spent the better part of the past two months being about as unstable as I've ever been; constant stress and anxiety and insomnia and jumping between being absolutely terrified for my future and desperately trying to cling on to my past. And at such times, well, we get through the best we can. There aren't really words or even thoughts that can help. That kind of stuff is something physical. It doesn't matter how much you know you're wrong, how much you don't want to feel so crazy.

But it passes. And we rebuild. And move on. And do it all over again.

And I still think the best thing that happened to me in the past ten years was meeting someone I could be really honest with. Whether that ends in joy or pain is yet to be seen; perhaps some of both. But it's good to share joys. And it helps to share hurts. And it makes me feel like that whoever I am to everyone else; at least there's somewhere I can be me. Even if that doesn't last forever, it's still worth it.

 

I did volunteering today at my place of work, , where we helped a charity wrap presents for children of all ages for Christmas that have been donated by businesses and members of the public for less advantaged families (the age ranges were 3-5, 6-8, 9-11, 12-14 and 14-18), and whilst it was really nice knowing we were helping contribute towards other families being able to have some enjoyment in Christmas, it really bummed me out thinking of the young children that may have had nothing on Christmas.

A real dose of perspective right there.

 

SEASICK STEVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Nice, man. I hope to get to a similar position within a few years.

Really, interpersonal style is difficult to change, but it is good to hear you were able to adjust your style to a more open and vulnerable adaptation. I think that takes a lot of courage and belief in your abilities to be okay after you get hurt. There’s a calmness in the attitude that even if you let people in and they hurt you, you’re ultimately gonna be all right.

I’m not there yet.

 

This is half good - half bad, but it stresses me out.

I'm looking for a job and was advised to send an email to a group that works with teenagers. Like a youth center of sort, I guess.

Anyway - I sent them an email and got an answer! So I'll have to call them tomorrow to present myself and why they should give me a chance to work with them. The thing is that they don't really need anyone at the moment, but they're always open if someone is driven enough or have great ideas/knowledge.

I don't feel like any of the above!

So I need to sell myself and I have no clue what I'm selling.

I don't know what I have/know that would be valuable enough for them to hire me anyway.

I'm freaking out.

 

Speaking passionately to their values and cause will make their hearts melt. Do that mostly and then explain how you can embody those values with your contributions if they gave you a chance.

You’ve got this!

 

Adjust is maybe not the right word. I'm me and I'm gonna do me stuff. That isn't always obvious but you better believe it'll be at a hundred miles an hour. And just as it's easy to put up walls and keep people out and become set in that view of the world; when you let people in and it works how you want it's all too easy to become dependent on that too. Finding the middle ground is hard and I don't do middle ground well at all. But I'm finding my way. And I feel better to be standing on my own two feet; neither leaning on my ex or on my friends just kinda doing my own thing.

As for people hurting you; I don't think that's the right way to see it. About the hardest thing for me to deal with in the past months is that not everything is about me. But it's true. Not everything is about you. And sometimes things are going to happen that are going to hurt you, for whatever reason, that have nothing to do with you. They are just other people doing the best they can to get by. And letting go of the feeling that they could only do that to hurt you is seriously important. They aren't trying to hurt you. They don't mean to hurt you. They are just people looking out for their own interests in the best way that they can. Sometimes you just have to accept that them doing what's best for them means something that isn't the best for you. Be patient, be forgiving, be understanding.

It's important to know the difference between people who hurt you intentionally and people who hurt you without meaning to. They have a lot of balls to keep in the air and they can't always keep them all up. Sometimes you just have to dust yourself off and accept that they are just a person, just like you, doing the best they can and that won't always be exactly what you want.

Having relationships means being hurt. Always. There's no way out of that. One way or another people do get hurt. The question is really how you react to that. You can't see every hurt as a reason to run. If they are just doing their best then you can't hold it against them. That doesn't stop it hurting, of course not. But the right thing to do is to say that it's not about me; be patient and considerate and trust that they are who you've seen them to be, not that one flash of hurt that they didn't intend.

 

Thank you!

I'll try. I got their mail half past ten. In the evening. I was sure they were going to read it tomorrow morning! So that caught me of guard.

I've read up on them and some of their projects. Now I'll leave it for tomorrow (it's past midnight here) and sit down and write the important parts before I call them.

 

Had to bury another cat.

I would call his a good death, toppled over on the kitchen table, thump, two breaths and cat-rattle.

'Darling, I think the cat's dead,' I said like a man in a great moment.

He must have sensed - only we are moving house again.

'I can't do it any longer,' Blackie said to Pepper [the only remaining cat], 'those people are insane, children have gone, Tiggy went years ago, and you - bastard, are the biggest pussycat ever created, when will you stop growing, eating my senior food, when will she stop feeding you? Uhhh...prrrrrr...prrr...'

Burial at sea, or the beach to be accurate. Dreaming he'll return, tapping on patio doors with paws. No more cat piss under my computer any longer, it's terrible.

xx

 

Sorry about your cat @matwoolf but your story was fun.

 

Yeah, I didn't mean it to come out like that, but... ...