The Not Happy Thread

I have the exact opposite problem; a hundred and five things that I really want to do but no matter how hard I try I can't convince myself to focus on any one of them. I want to be working on something but I generally end up doing six different things at once and focusing on none of them enough to really do anything. Thus the concept of just sitting watching things on TV is difficult for the opposite reason; I'm watching my Steelers play a crucial playoff game and I'm kinda bored and fidgety and my mind is wandering. But I've been told that if I don't even try to tone down the compulsive, "I must blot out every second of silence in my life' multitasking then nothing else is going to get better either.

 

Ain't dat tha truffe.

...

About time they locked up the astrologers, altho' come grief one always appreciates cold stone walls, the ancestors dust in cracks, all that, tho' every snake-prat's a vicar these days, no offense.

 

You are my Buddha.

 

We went a week and a half with frozen pipes and no water at the shop. The water is running again, but now the hot water tank is toast. We have water, just not hot water. At least we can flush.

 

From the "Stupid Shit Iain Did (or Didn't Do) Today" file:

Halfway to work, I realized that I'd grabbed the wrong textbook, so I'll be sharing with a student this evening. Once I got to work, I noticed that the sky was unusually, well, visible, which means that I'd left my hat on the bus.

Sigh.

 

I was looking for something, and I thought maybe it would be in a bin I have of paper. I came across my favorite drawing I ever did of some of the characters from my story, and of course, I took it out and looked at it. I decided something needed fixed, so I laid it on the floor next to me. My dog came in and stepped on it, somehow getting a few drops of water on it. Fortunately, the picture is mostly okay, it just won't lay flat now, but I'm really upset because that's my favorite and best drawing I've ever done. I now have a frame coming from Amazon to put it in so it'll be protected from any more accidents.

 

Damnit. Called Lost and Found, and nobody turned it in.

It was quite inexpensive, but good quality and fit me well, plus my wife gave me a small feather that I'd tucked in the band which really looked nice.

I'm actually quite upset with myself about this.

 

That's the one! Where did you find it?!?!

 

It's barely possible that I didn't leave it on the bus. I don't think I could have left it in the Mickey D's where I had dinner, then walked to the bus station without noticing, but since I realized that there's one more place I stopped, I'll have to pay them a visit as well.

 

3rd day in a row of no sleep.

 

I'm so sorry. I know how much it sucks.

Have you gotten to the point where your whole body aches & hurts from not recuperating?

That's my least favourite part when my insomnia sets in. `Cause I can at least have a heavy caffeine dependence to drag me through the day—but nothing really alleviates the physical exhaustion and pain when the insomnia has gotten far enough along.

 

Yes, this is where I am now, accompanied by an anxious inability to even just lay down and rest, which is totally ironic and mildly schizophrenic.

 

Maybe try an over-the-counter sleep aid, chamomile tea or melatonin? Or a a full stomach, then a warm bath. Insomnia sucks. Sympathies!

 

I have half of Walgreens in my house. It just happens sometimes. My sleep cycle crashes and it takes complete exhaustion to serve as a soft reboot.

 

Being hard of hearing, I'm not entirely sure if my hearing disability (bilateral profound hearing loss) does make me less sensitive and intelligent when it comes to novel writing. A lot of people say that my 'tonal' comprehension is poor plus I have hard times trying to find good novels to read that are of interest to me - most of the times, when I find books on the shelves, nearly none of them interest me - there's something really wrong with my attitude and brain.

Many times, I just feel crap after receiving comments that my writing does make no 'grammatical sense' - not here but also elsewhere and in person getting feedback on my novels - I only hoped that I would get honest and positive critique but almost none so far. English is my first language but does that qualify me as a native speaker of English proficiency-wise? Regardless, there's something really FUCKIN' wrong with myself!

Now, I'm feeling a bit of melancholy and foolish and pessimistic and hopeless. I just feel worthless. But let's hope that I can cheer up and outshine one day, once I get proper help and support with my writing skills.

(feeling EXTREMELY WORTHLESS n' FRUSTRATED!)

Plus, I just feel so isolated at the moment while on university holidays - I am trying to seek out good human connections with good people from all over the world - it's just hard for me.

 

I'm not sure if you're looking for advice or just want to vent, but if it's the former, hearing deficiency/loss might have something to do with your command of English. I'd never say that someone who is hearing impaired is less sensitive or intelligent than someone with "normal" hearing, but I know that ASL uses different grammar and structure to spoken English, so if you've lived your whole life with your hearing loss, that might affect your writing style.

(Un)fortunately, there is a solution, and that's to read as much as you can, in the sort of genre that you're interested in, to try and pick up on the use of language that will resonate with your intended audience. The other option is to seek out an editor/alpha reader/writing partner who can help you adjust the idiosyncrasies in your English prior to sending it on for reading or review by people unaware of your issue.

Hope this helps.

 

Thanks. Yes I was born with severe hearing loss but I never use sign language - I was part of the mainstream society both in schooling and socially. But please inbox me as I need to clarify a few things and directions in what kinds of books I should pick and read that are closely aligned with my values and novelistic endeavours - can you please, thanks!

 

My bit of unhappiness for the day. Get home and think "you know sounds awesome, a beer." Open the fridge and have no beer. Look at the clock and its 1230 am, so everything is closed.

Moral of the story, don't forget your beer.

 

Straight to the hard stuff, I guess?

 

Iain,

Sadly all out of that too...

 

Now we have a real problem...