The Not Happy Thread

Thank you!
I'll try not to If you guys see a post from me tomorrow with sad faces on it, well, something like that probably happened.

 

Terror. Fear of being exposed, judged.


Fuck it! Here it is... The Ugly, The Bad, The Good.

After 45yrs of quietly suffering, I was diagnosed BiPolar, severe ADHD, OCD and clinical depression. Then, after multiple episodes, I was diagnosed with PTSD.
Anxiety is the result of imbalance, as well as reaction to stress.
I never knew until recently that I have been in a walking nightmare since puberty. After treatment, it took a while for Prozac to kick in, almost a year.
And then I woke up one day, to silence, no continuous fire alarm, no resonant harmonics, no heartbeat in my ears. Beautiful silence.
Treatments are not cures, unfortunately. I still come with all the bells and whistles, every day. Outbursts of drama, grandiosity, hostility, and complete shutdown are served 7 days a week, and holidays.
BUT, things pass much quicker now.
Meds are a way to establish a stable, acceptable state, a straight(er) line. For me that line falls on the low side. Outbursts have a parachute (or retro rockets) to curb escalation and shorten episodes. Concentration can be enhanced for periods of time. Motivational energy lifts for scheduled durations. It's sustenance.
Physical depression is commonly manifested as nothing, in degrees. Nothing is worth the effort, nothing is interesting, nothing is exciting. Fatigue. It's your body in glue.
It's your physical brain lying to itself, a street hustler's trick, a really good one.
Know this,
Awareness is the key. And acceptance.
The mind and body want to survive, we've pretty much had 1.5 million years to figure that out. It's people, never refuse help, get more when it's available.

So, with a resume' like this, having no temperament for the workplace, what am I qualified for?
Empathy, expression, imagination, inspiration, fascination, insight, drama, fantasy... life!
I understand you, both sides. I feel your pain, as my own. I know terror, and wonder, and euphoria.
I never been a writer, but I'm fucking well going to figure it out, in my own way. I have stories to tell.
Ask me anything...
I'm worth millions, in prizes. and so are you.

 

Everyone, wrap me up in a straight jacket. Tie me to the ceiling, and beat me with baseball bats until I bleed candy. I was a little crazy a second ago, I'm not used to that. Yesterday I was going to watch two guys make a horse very confused but happy and then I would bleed them dry, you know who you are *grins* that's normal for me... my mind got caught in a bar brawl where two girl scouts tried to cut each other and then everything got crazy, oh that one guy at the bar was a pilot with a drinking problem. I've got the same problem but mines Bloody Mary's.
Guy I totally get you, my strangeness is back. I feel naked without it. If you ever feel like a cliche you can go in my top pocket, I understand you. Damn it feels good to be back!

Glitter congratulations on graduating, hold onto your cap when your getting your diploma mine almost fell off. *tips her hat to Glitter*

Skinny Puppy how did you know I like four rooms? I haven't seen that in years. Quentin Tarantino is calling he wants his crazy back, I say don't give it to him.

Moon! Your avatar is back to its wonderfully ambiguous self, you make me question my sexual identity, if I wasn't bi that would be a problem... Or would it?*grins*

CT Count Chocula only taught me to count to three. 1... ah ah ah...

Am I done bleeding candy yet? Don't let any go to waste my blood is precious.

 

I am called vampire in my neighborhood.
I envy the Sun, yet flee from its light, prefering the confines of my resting place, until darkness falls, and I rise, I envy the Sun.

 

Whyyyyy do I get Internal Server Error trying to post a chapter????? Mommmmmmy!!

 

There's a "Support and Feedback" section down near the bottom of the main page, and I think Mommy's name for technical stuff is usually @Komposten

 

SP welcome back, if you'll see my post above I got my mojo back last night, I'm prepared to wring all the blood you have out of your towel friend, sorry I don't think he's long for this world he smells downy April fresh tho so that's a plus. After that your next, you'll probably survive the ordeal but only if you don't fight back too too much.

 

*licks the blood off her fangs as a cat would after a meal* I got my strangeness back! Feels good to dance under the pale moonlight and shower in a spray of blood.

 

Not fighting back makes for about as much fun as being strapped buck naked to a gurney inside of an industrial freezer under florescent lights listening for the demonic message in Yanis greatest hits played in reverse on repeat while being shown time-lapse video of the real-time growth of my toe knuckle hairs.

 

If you’re playing Yani albums backward looking for Satanic messages you can stop. You ARE Satan.

 

Mmmm yes this sounds interesting, you'll have to invite me over for one of your bands sessions. You did say there was a band correct? Could you tell me your blood type and will you please tell me now? You may fight back but there is no such thing as safe words. Unless you keep repeating the word blood like a personal montra. Will the band take any requests? My ballerina looooves flamenco, and any style of Spanish dance excites her. What excites her, excites me.*smiles broadly showing sharp points*

 

I currently feel as though I may be smelling the color nine, while asking what the flavor is.

 

All of the pirated King of the Hill episodes got removed off of YouTube. Now how am I gonna watch it!?

 

In my long life I have known many poets one was a skilled wordsmith, William was his first name if my memory is correct. He was so skilled he could tell you what the number nine tasted, smelled, and felt like. He liked to go into detail he would add the other numbers too, in the end though some of the numbers would have perished due to treachery and tragedy.

“Now cracks a noble heart. Good-night, sweet prince;
And flights of angels sing thee to thy rest.

 

I've been to the dentist, endontist & some other specialist 4 times in the past two weeks (3 in the last 3 days).

I don't even understand what's happening anymore.

The last thing I swear I heard was I just had 4 root canals in the same tooth with some x-ray to demonstrate.

All I know is I hurt so much and I have at least one more appointment next Monday, and I just can't wait for all of this to be over.

 

Wow, sorry that you’re dealing with this. Hang in there and I hope you feel better.

 

Ohhhh root canal's are evil! Had one, shot me up five times it still wasn't enough, the most disconcerting thing was the crunching sounds... *empathizes with NoGoodNobu*

 

Sounds like you have not been having any fun.
I hope you recover quickly and aren't in pain too long.

 

I'm not feelin' that...(thankfully). You seriously need hugs or something. I'm sorry.

 

So pretty much a Jan Švankmajer movie then.

Spoiler: Alice clip. Of course it's creepy

 

Had an episode during root-canal. Threw the 'tranquility' visor across the room, scared the shit out of the assisant. All she (dr) said was sit down, calm down, or get out. I don't know if the visor triggered, or the arc-welder shock treatment, but I went home, hollered something hideous at my saintly wife, and tore a door out of the wall. I went to get treatment the next day.
I won't do anything unless I'm under.

Make a paste out of finely crushed Advil and put it directly in the tooth, then cotton over. Do not bite into tooth. Let it sit as long as it takes to disappear. It tastes like shit, and you'll be thankful it does when the inflammation goes down nearly immediately. For more serious pain, a tiny-tiny dot of clove oil is a miracle, and also tastes like shit. I feel thy pain...

 

Holy epic creepy magnificence...what was under the pillow? Pot or owl pellets, I couldn't tell?

You magnificent bastard!

 

Thanks for the heads up! I slept last night because I knew not to watch it!

 

The schools in the county I work at are closed so I have to go work at at the shitty YMCA in the area, which is an hour drive from my home. This is a pain in the ass.

It's just rain and the roads aren't bad in the least bit. What the hell are they going to do if a hurricane rolls through?

This is stupid as hell. And this is my last day at this job.