The Not Happy Thread

A: Just wait, and B: it's like Isaac Newton said, a body in motion tends to stay in motion. If it only hurts when you stop, don't.

I came to bemoan how needlessly complicated intimate relationships get as you age, but judging by what I literally just wrote, I get the sense that this may be a bit more my fault than not.

 

Couldn't resist the urge to state a fact on the internet today. Predictably, it turned into a monkey shit-fight with people who I actually agreed with on principle, but who had never heard of the law, logic, or anything but, well, screeching and throwing shit in support of their arguments.

I don't think [REDACTED] is ready for democracy yet.

 

Relationship troubles. Christ I hate "romantic" relationships...familial and friendship ones suck too. Can't I just live in a seaside castle with servants? No? I'd make such a nice master of the house though. Attentive and kind to the staff. You know, as long as they didn't get too familiar. Humph.

 

Be kind, but ever ready to consult with your teacher when you need a firm hand on things.
(The Teacher)

 

Agreed. Plus, I live in a neighborhood full of set decorators, grips, and other people who have access to studio prop houses. They really go all out to make Halloween fun for everyone who comes through, and with their long working hours, there's no way they could accomplish those creations in one day. If it was only up for one day, no one would bother...which would be a shame, because it brings the whole neighborhood together and makes people actually pause and talk to each other.

 

Definitely an American thing then.

Ah well, at least when we do 'celebrate' Halloween we keep the theme to all things ghosts 'n' goblins... as opposed to just using it as an excuse to have generic fancy dress parties like some countries

 

They're only generic with boring people. They can get quite interesting if you go to the right places...or i suppose wrong places in some people's eyes.

 

I have a crush on someone and it is the dumbest, most annoying thing ever. For whatever reason, whenever we're around each other I apparently have to start acting like an awkward, mentally handicapped 8 to year old who doesn't know how eye contact works. Its frustrating the heck out of me and I am waaaay too old for this shit.

 

Snapped a serpentine belt on my (only) car Friday, and rather than troubling someone for a ride to the auto parts store, I figured I'd order the belt from a major parts supplier and pay the $9.99 for next day delivery. Supposed to be warmish on Saturday, and I figured I could get the belt on before the rain arrived. Rain got here, belt did has not.

Got up this morning (Sunday) and Fedex tells me it will may be delivered before 10:30 AM on Monday. Three emails to the parts company's Customer Service (as Bruce Williams used to say, the kind of 'service' a mare receives from a stallion) remain unanswered, and I don't have the 48 minutes to sit on hold if I tried to call.

I don't spend a lot of time on Yelp and the like, but I'm going to do what I can to make sure no one does business with these scum going forward.

 

Ugh, so over this pregnancy. I ache like an 80 year old woman today. Hips, knees, sciatic back pain, you name it, I'm feeling it today. And I still have 3 months to go.

 

So my mum's cousin has just had a baby. Why, might you ask, is this in the Not Happy Thread? It's not even that I'm not happy; I'm delighted for the three of them. But I'm not happy that I'm so relieved. It's a girl, and I'd have been so disappointed if it had been a boy. I'm always disappointed about baby boys, whether they're a celebrity's kid, or even a fictional baby. I just think "What was the point in all that waiting, just for a boy?" And of course, that's a very nasty thing to think and I'd have had to try really hard to hide those feelings and say the right things if it had been a member of the family.

And this baby has made me think about my own hopes for motherhood. I want a big family, some biological children and some adopted, and I know for certain that I want them all to be girls. And I'm ashamed of that, and I know that those feelings aren't right. And I'm not sure that doesn't make me more than a bit of a misandrist. I wish I could talk about these feelings with my mum but I'm afraid of what she'll say, and besides, it's years before I'm ready to have children. I hope I'll get over these feelings by then, or I might see a therapist about them when the time comes. But there's also a part of me - a big part - that doesn't want to let go of those feelings and accept the possibility of having a son. I just hope gender selection is readily available by the time I'm ready to be a mum, and that my partner agrees to it.

 

Having a kid is a special kind of thing. When you've got that little ball of mewling pudge in your arms, things don't really mean the same thing as they used to. Kids may not be (read: will almost definitely not be) what you were expecting, but there is very little chance that you're not going to love it, regardless of its biology.

 

I think it is, considering you can choose eye color and other things for a fee...

 

Spoiler: You have the right to ignore :)

What have we done! I celebrate the right others have to speak and think and believe what they want. I loathe the society that entitles others to speak opinion as fact on behalf of others they don't even know! No specific accusations here. I can't even represent my own opinion, but I will convey my wider observation about what humanity is entitled to. We have the right NOT to be forced to listen to misanthropic bullshit - a 'hate' of our own selves.
Other than (quiet) personal choice, symbolic, philosophic, rhetorical, or medical gender modification is nothing more than castration - women or men. Children?? We as a society have NO right to take away a child's right to decide whether or not to accept the gender they are born with. We ARE entitled to give ourselves the opportunity to love what we are, and what humanity is.
What are we if we lose our humanity? A jar of flies.
Rant over. Time for my medication.

 

Dunno exactly where this took a left turn, but if it's not careful it's gonna wind up in the Debate Room.

Rant over.

 

Spoiler: Rant

Ugh.

I feel real petty.

Her boyfriend’s posts showed in my feed and it just pisses me off. Like (1) he comes off as a total ____ (and it’s not just me, because when a third party saw his account & posts for the first time they had the same reaction only unreservedly and in no uncertain terms), (2) how the ___ can he post loving photos of his dumb new motorbike but still won’t post a _____ photo of her or with her or simply own her as his girlfriend on any form of social media—IT’S BEEN TEN PLUS MONTHS—, and (3) why the ___ did it have to be him of all people?

I know she & I had a falling out because of my being done with her treatment of me, but I still can’t help but feel a bit pissed that that piece of garbage was the catalyst.

Feel free to fill in the blanks how you like. I don’t often swear, and to be honest I kept changing what expletives to use, so I suppose a vulgar ad-lib does just as well.


Lastly, I’ve been in a bit of a funk before his stupid posts set me off. I’ve been seeing a lot of relationship things lately, from friends old & new and family, and all I keep thinking is I want to love like that.

Not that I want to be loved like that, but that I want to love like that. Like I wish I just had someone, anyone, that I could pour all my energy & affection into. It’s all theoretical, because it’s not easy for me to become attached to be people even in a general sense. I can get on well enough with most people, but I’m not really keen on most.

But I love pouring myself out for other people, the very few people I cherish. I used to at least do that sort of thing for her. I could go out of my way to make her feel special, to appreciate her, to do things grand or small.

I just want someone I could spoil and adore and give to.

And that’s probably not strictly healthy and that’s probably how I got into the problem where I loved someone more than they loved me and finally more than a decade later feeling fed up with being the back burner friend-of-convenience to someone who was always my number one priority.

But God, I really do wanna just love someone again.

 

It'll work out again eventually. Maybe not now, but it will. Sure, this is a platitude, and you're as tired as everyone else is of hearing it, but it will come back to you again eventually. I too suffer from difficulties in attaching to people as well. I put on a good face, but it takes something special to really make me care. And it takes a hell of a lot of honesty for me to believe anyone. Trust died in me a long time ago. Good luck to you. Patience is usually the key, even though nobody ever wants it to be.

I enjoyed expletive adlib by the way. Found myself trying to come up with the perfect words, which turned out fairly well I think. Got my evening laugh in before bed at least, so thanks for that.

 

Rant Spoilered.

 

So I signed up to sub for the librarian in one of the local junior-senior high schools. She has two classes to teach in the morning; otherwise, she just mans the checkout desk. And for three or four periods, other teachers have their classes in the library and it's not open to general users.

Ideal setup for getting lots and lots of writing done.

So what happens when I check into the office at 7:20 AM? The school secretary, all apologetic, tells me they're short of subs and the principal has moved me to 6th grade social studies/math. 6th grade! I don't do 6th grade, I no longer have the stamina for it. And guess what, I still have the librarian's 1st period 6th grade media class to teach/supervise. Yay for no prep period.

And you want irony? Couple days ago, I found out I'd mistakenly signed up to teach 6th grade math at another school, and cancelled it because, well, with working two jobs from 7:20 in the morning to ten o'clock at night, I don't need the drain on my energy.

So here I am teaching 6th graders. All day.

*Sigh*

That's enough venting. The media class is working steadily so far. And maybe it's good for me to establish diplomatic relations with the young kids, so they'll behave better for me when I have them in future years.

We'll see how it goes.

 

Really?!
The power went out again, and had to start uploading the
damned video, again. Just over 48hrs at 79%, to have to
start all over. AAAAHHHHHHHRRRGGGGGG!!!

 

The techno-Gods are quite sadistic. Time to go kill them. Bring the big guns.

That sucks though.

 

Yeah, gonna have to wait until after group on Thursday before I try again.
Power keeps taking random hits today.

 

This is honestly the number one reason why I love torrents. It's too bad more people don't use them for legitimate purposes.