The Not Happy Thread

I am working with a quite well-known bit of education software that is just not, IMO, very well-designed. Almost nothing is intuitive, processes aren't clearly labeled, and a lot of things that should be simple point-and-click involve intricate downloads and reuploads to and from your home machine.

And god have mercy on the souls of the mobile users.

No, I'm not going to name it, but if you're currently in education it's probably one of the first two on the tip of your tongue.

 

Sounds like Blackboard.

Regardless of whether or not my guess is right, I know I've had professors curse "BB". From a student perspective it's really user-friendly, but I guess not so much from the side of the teachers, which is unfortunate.

It wasn't so obvious my first semester. But the shortcomings became very apparent due to the quarantine, and everything getting transitioned to online.

Note: These are my thoughts. Just riffing.

 

Oh lord, Zoom just updated. A "minor update" but I was just starting to understand how it works and there is no way the Tek Boyz can keep themselves from tweaking things for you're convenients. (sick (sic (semper tyrannosaurus (rex)))).

 

Yet more trees being cut down around me today. At this rate, Newtown will be tree free by Christmas. I find myself wondering if people actually understand that trees play an important part in the environment. I foresee a lot less birds in my garden as a result.

 

One of those nights. Again. How wonderfully terrible.

Let's kick off ceiling staring contest number x. Been awhile. Not really.

 

Had some rather intense dreams last night. One was a dude who looked like Robin Williams' brother kept chasing me because he wanted to do nefarious things. I was a fifteen year old boy. He almost caught me a few times, but there was also a zambamble pocalypse happening too.

So yeah. I kind of want to go back to sleep and see if I can get a bit more rest, but I dunno.

 

I'll be introducing an author through live feed this evening.
It should be the easiest thing in the world to sit on my couch in front of my computer and do it.
But im so nervous and anxious, i couldnt even sleep last night. I feel like im going to throw up just thinking about it....

 

You got this!

 

Picture your audience in their underwear. They probably will be anyway.

 

I got through it! I had some technical diffuculties though that a coworker had to jump into the "broadcast room" to help me out during the broadcast...

When it was all over i had so much pent up nervous energy i was shaking and had to go running... I hope i didnt come off as a spaz in front of the author or the viewers

 

So, I'm in a dilemma. I really don't know what's the wisest thing to do. I haven't been able to pay the school's tuition for 3 months now... Yeah, lockdown has been somewhat catastrophic for my economy at least. We've been having sessions on Zoom upon specific lessons, not all, 3 times a week for an hour and a half each with one of the teachers I don't and can't get along with. I find that these hours, these sessions have been a waste of my time actually. All this time I couldn't produce any project, because even when the projects didn't involve shootings - we were working with ready made footage, basically just montaging - I couldn't, because my PC is junk. To give you a general sense of what's been going on, all this time only one or two of my classmates were able to work on these projects and from all of my classmates, even before lockdown I was the only one that used the schools infantry for shootings or whatever, since it seems that I'm the only one without a camera and various stuff you need in order to produce a film.

The thing is that since lockdown, I believe that the lessons have been crappy. Just a justification for us to continue paying them. This is the final semester. I have paid an additional fee, in order to get a verification from an english school, a diploma of sorts from Pearson College, which I payed in doses from last year, 300 eu in total. The project that is supposed to be verified by them is the final one. Since lockdown though, the parameters have changed. I have to make a short film with ready made footage. Easier some might think. Yes, indeed it would if only I indeed could work on it! I could go to a friend of mine to work on this, just like I have been doing from the start. The thing is that now I have a lot less time than I had originally thought I would in order to produce something good, you know?

So, I was thinking about suspending this last semester. It has been shit and most of all I ain't got the money to pay for it and have no idea when I will be able to. Ffffffff... I'm not sure. Should I just get over with it, one final push towards the end and make different arrangements concerning the payments, or should I just let it go for next year, if there's a possibility I could? The only chain and ball about this is the Pearson verification. I'm not sure how this works since I've already paid for it. The thing is, in order to get this diploma (my school's diploma) verified in general, I'll have to work for 6 months for free, wherever they send me. I could do this anytime. I could start now. It's called "practiki".

Should I start "practiki" now and deliver my final work next year, since a) I don't want to do a messy final project and b) I can't pay for my tuition, at least for now, or should I borrow money and push and whatever happens happens and get over with it and then do my "praktiki" and whatever, since I'll be in a sense frier... I suppose at least.

It's complicated. Another reason is that due to all of this, I'm rusty af. I just lost the momentum. I hate producing crappy stuff. I prefer producing nothing if I know that what I'm about to show is a rushed piece of shit. I CAN produce something with force, but it ain't gonna be a representation of me. Should I push more and try to make something good last minute and risk the fall? I don't know. What about the money? Shit. I'm going in circles. I think it's obvious by now. Can't make up my mind.

 

I'm having another late night because evil tummy has arrived.

 

Alcohol makes it much worse. It's not worth the feeling of being sliced open.
My stomach dislikes a lot of foodstuffs. Pretty much anything I enjoy can set it off. Although today's offence was beef soup.

 

The word morose is not morose enough
To say it all in the pentameter is tough.
I won't allow myself to speak otherwise.
Complain has got no rhythm nor no voice.

What have I done all these years who knows it
Just wasted my time thinking I can't do it.
Now no more time left to whine about it.
A million voices nag me write just write.

 

Irving Berlin

When I'm worried and I can't sleep
I count my blessings instead of sheep

And I fall asleep counting my blessings.

 

Wasn't that sung in A White Christmas?

 

no, it was sung in English...

 

I realize how selfish and petty it is to complain about this while people are dying and losing their jobs and whatever else, but:

Thanks to the COVID-19 pandemic, my girlfriend won't be able to visit me this summer. It's not the end of the world, but it is disappointing and frustrating as hell. Things haven't been great lately, and this was the one thing I had to look forward to. Oh well, life goes on, for a little while at least.

 

People will tell you that it is a fallacy to say "you're not allowed to be sad when people in Africa are dying of starvation". I've thought about that a lot lately, and I absolutely think that the above is a valid statement for trivial issues pertaining to 1st world luxury. But heartache, death of a family member, depression: these things suck whether or not you're in a hut in a 3rd world country or in a mansion in New York. They're universally shitty and you're wholly justified in feeling bad about such issues.

 

I know this one all too well. Been over a year since me and @Cave Troll have seen each other. Thanks to covid-19, it looks to be another year apart.