The Not Happy Thread

Discussion in 'The Lounge' started by Cogito, Nov 20, 2010.

  1. Xoic

    Xoic Prognosticator of Arcana Ridiculosum Contributor

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    The bird I posted about a while ago on the Happiness thread has just destroyed a couple of my sculptures I made many years ago from Super Sculpey. This little demon bird, some kind of finch or something, totally innocuous looking little thing like you'd see pecking at the ground in your yard, got in somehow and I haven't been able to get rid of it. It's completely fearless—it either understands that I'm a friendly large mammal like a deer, or it knows it can fly 30 circles around me as I clumsily attempt to catch it in what must seem like super slow motion.

    I got used to the little guy being around, though he makes a surprising amount of noise flapping and fluttering and landing on everything. It's also small enough to go right under the floor gap on several of the doors in this old house (some of the gaps you can put a hand under). So it pretty much goes where it will, and there's nothing I can do about it. I was starting to think of it as a little feathered friend, and imagined maybe one day it'll eat out of my hand or something. Though I did get a little upset when I started seeing the little white splotches here and there.

    It seems to like being in the same room I'm in much of the time. I'm starting to think it's because it wants to torment and mock me. I was sitting here in the studio, where the computer is, where I spend more time than anywhere else when I'm awake, and he was fluttering all over hyperactively as he likes to do. Suddenly he landed on one of the sculptures, an approximately life-sized hand anatomy study I did long ago, that stands upright on a high shelf. Immediately sculpture and bird tipped forward. The bird just flapped it's little devil wings a few times as the sculpture fell and several fingers went flying off in different directions .I've had that thing for over a decade and never put a scratch on it, then in comes this little half-pint terror and destroys it in an instant. But the story doesn't end there. In far less time than it takes to type it, the bird landed on the next available perch, a small head sculpture right next to the other one. About the time that hand was disintegrating, the head tipped forward and came crashing down, and the evil little monster flew down to land on the floor where I could swear it was tittering evilly.

    Then disaster compounded itself as I leaped up screaming and cursing, tried to put my hands up to prevent any more of the rampage, and clumsily knocked 2 more sculptures off the shelf. The little caricature oven-mitt one survived, it only lost a tiny little hanging loop, but the second hand, which was an original (the other hand was a casting, fortunately the original of it still survives) shattered into many fragments.

    I roundly cursed and threatened that little monster with all manner of deaths and tortures. I haven't seen it since, though I do hear it in other rooms now and then. I told it I was going to take away the food and water I put out for it, catch it, and put it right back out in the snow and ice. But after the flush of initial shock faded a bit I came to my senses and told it I didn't really mean any of that, and that it can continue to live her for a while longer. Really I have no idea how I could get it out if it doesn't want to go out.
     
  2. Iain Aschendale

    Iain Aschendale Aunt? Supporter Contributor

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    [​IMG]
    We don't know either.
     
  3. Accelerator231

    Accelerator231 Senior Member

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    This is a terrible idea. From what I know of cats, the cat won't bother catching the bird, just casually glare at it disinterestedly, between knocking down more sculptures onto the floor.
     
  4. Iain Aschendale

    Iain Aschendale Aunt? Supporter Contributor

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    How do you think they got this shot? :)
     
  5. Xoic

    Xoic Prognosticator of Arcana Ridiculosum Contributor

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    Haha! I was thinking the same. I recently had a lizard and then a mouse in the house. Haven't seen either for a while, but a cat would have taken care of them in short order. A bird is a whole different issue. Unless I could get a flying cat.

    Hey, owls are called flying cats... :superthink:
     
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  6. Xoic

    Xoic Prognosticator of Arcana Ridiculosum Contributor

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    Of course, I'd just be trading a very small finch for a very large and far more destructive owl.

    I could go with a hunting hawk with a hawker. That's the lethal way of course, and I doubt you can look up a place called Hawks-R-Us in the yellow pages and hire a hawker. And if I ask around, people would thunk I was saying Hooker. :p

    Maybe a small fishing net or something? A capture and release. Though I foresee much desperate struggling, possibly of the disabling variety. The little bird-brain would think it was being killed.
     
    Last edited: Feb 19, 2021
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  7. love to read

    love to read Active Member

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    Why am I now reminded of "There was an old lady who swallowed a spider" :p?
    Since I know this isn't helpful: I'm sorry for the destruction it caused, but I'm sure it didn't mean to. And it's very nice of you to give him a warm place during the winter (including water and food) :agreed:.
     
  8. Friedrich Kugelschreiber

    Friedrich Kugelschreiber Contributor Contributor

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    It's exactly like that isn't it :-D
    How did it end up, with her swallowing a horse?
     
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  9. Accelerator231

    Accelerator231 Senior Member

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    owls are cool, though. Clever. Smart.

    And also ninjas.
     
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  10. love to read

    love to read Active Member

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    Exactly!
    (There was an old lady who swallowed a horse;
    ...She's dead, of course!
    )
     
  11. Xoic

    Xoic Prognosticator of Arcana Ridiculosum Contributor

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    ^ Is that the way it actually goes, or is that just the Jeff Goldblum version from
    The Fly? I need to look that one up, I only vaguely remember it.

    Personally for these ever-growing situations i always revert back to The Cat in the Hat and The Pink Ink. When I was a kid my mom bought a book where he hung out with a couple of kids in the house while they're parents were gone, and they had all kinds of fun but spilled pink ink on a table or something. The parents were on their way home and it was time to clean up, and the wily cat helped, but each idea he had only moved the stain and spread it our further. At one point he somehow blew it all out the window but it stained the snow in the yard pink. I don't remember how far it went, I almost want to say at some point the entire world was covered in pink ink but that's probably not right, Somehow though they got it cleaned up in the nick of time.
     
  12. Xoic

    Xoic Prognosticator of Arcana Ridiculosum Contributor

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    There was an old lady who swallowed a fly.
    I dunno why she swallowed that fly,
    Perhaps she'll die.


    There was an old lady who swallowed a spider,
    That wiggled and wiggled and tickled inside her.
    She swallowed the spider to catch the fly.
    But I dunno why she swallowed that fly -
    Perhaps she'll die.


    There was an old lady who swallowed a bird;
    How absurd, to swallow a bird!
    She swallowed the bird to catch the spider
    That wiggled and wiggled and tickled inside her.
    She swallowed the spider to catch the fly.
    But I dunno why she swallowed that fly -
    Perhaps she'll die


    There was an old lady who swallowed a cat.
    Imagine that, she swallowed a cat.
    She swallowed the cat to catch the bird ...
    She swallowed the bird to catch the spider
    That wiggled and wiggled and tickled inside her.
    She swallowed the spider to catch the fly.
    But I dunno why she swallowed that fly
    Perhaps she'll die


    There was an old lady who swallowed a dog.
    What a hog! To swallow a dog!
    She swallowed the dog to catch the cat...
    She swallowed the cat to catch the bird ...
    She swallowed the bird to catch the spider
    That wiggled and wiggled and tickled inside her.
    She swallowed the spider to catch the fly.
    But I dunno why she swallowed that fly
    Perhaps she'll die.


    There was an old lady who swallowed a goat.
    Just opened her throat and swallowed a goat!
    She swallowed the goat to catch the dog ...
    She swallowed the dog to catch the cat.
    She swallowed the cat to catch the bird ...
    She swallowed the bird to catch the spider
    That wiggled and wiggled and tickled inside her.
    She swallowed the spider to catch the fly.
    But I dunno why she swallowed that fly
    Perhaps she'll die.


    There was an old lady who swallowed a cow.
    I don't know how she swallowed a cow!
    She swallowed the cow to catch the goat...
    She swallowed the goat to catch the dog...
    She swallowed the dog to catch the cat...
    She swallowed the cat to catch the bird ...
    She swallowed the bird to catch the spider
    That wiggled and wiggled and tickled inside her.
    She swallowed the spider to catch the fly.
    But I dunno why she swallowed that fly
    Perhaps she'll die.


    There was an old lady who swallowed a horse -
    She's dead, of course.

    I'm also reminded of For want of a nail the kingdom was lost.

    Edit—Ok, now that I've read it, I see this is indeed the definitive nursery rhyme for my situation. Should I swallow the bird? :supercheeky:
     
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  13. Friedrich Kugelschreiber

    Friedrich Kugelschreiber Contributor Contributor

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    It takes me back to the second grade.
     
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  14. Accelerator231

    Accelerator231 Senior Member

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    I have a beautiful scene in my mind, but I can't put it down on paper.
     
  15. Authentically Adrian

    Authentically Adrian Member

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    Currently Reading::
    Carrie by Stephen KIng
    My red headphones are broken.

    They served a good 9 months, but after relentless chewing on the cord, yanking them by the wires, and spilling food on them, they have been laid to rest.
    Fortunately I can get a new pair tomorrow.
     
  16. Stormsong07

    Stormsong07 Contributor Contributor

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    @Xoic I could loan you my bird-killing cat, Apollo. I've legit seen him leap into the air and take down a low-flying bird. He likes to leave the remains on the doormat for us to enjoy. Here he is looking particularly distinguished with his mustache he most likely gained from under the car.

    37574478_998405071742_965922906326433792_n.jpg
     
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  17. Cave Troll

    Cave Troll It's Coffee O'clock everywhere. Contributor

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    So your cat gets birds and is a mechanic? Nice. :)
    [​IMG]
     
  18. Stormsong07

    Stormsong07 Contributor Contributor

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    He is very talented.
     
  19. Xoic

    Xoic Prognosticator of Arcana Ridiculosum Contributor

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    I haven't heard a peep from my fine feathered friend for over 2 days now. I also don't think he ever touched the food or water I put out for him. Last time I heard him I'm pretty sure he was in the closet of my bedroom (another door with a huge gap under it). I searched in there and in general but haven't found hide nor hair of him. Could be in the basement, or maybe he went back out however he got in. I haven't smelled that tiny little taint of small death either, that I noticed briefly after the lizard disappeared.

    You know it's weird. There's been a lizard, then a mouse, and then a bird. A strange kind of evolutionary spectrum. I mean, didn't Jurassic Park teach us that birds are evolved reptiles? I'm afraid to think of what's nextk. God please don't let me hear a crying baby in the basement tomorrow...
     
  20. NobodySpecial

    NobodySpecial Contributor Contributor

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    My check engine light came on this morning. I hate when my car acts all needy and deprived.
     
  21. EFMingo

    EFMingo A Modern Dinosaur Staff Supporter Contributor

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    Started smoking again. Probably will only last a few days. Pretty much sums up the rest of my week in quality.
     
  22. zoupskim

    zoupskim Contributor Contributor

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    This is a writing forum so I'll complain about writing.

    I hate my writing. I think it's crap, and I love it so much, but everything I write I think is just the worst. I'm not confident in what I write. But I have to write because I want to so bad, and I want to be good, but it's just flippin' not good, and I don't know if it will really get better.

    Also I'm fat and bald.
     
  23. Malisky

    Malisky Fortune cookie Contributor

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    My mind today: :brb: Now you see me - now you don't. This is mutiny! I get to wander inside my story in intervals, like I'm entering my setting after much effort and it keeps spitting me out after a short while. What's bugging me? EVERYTHING! Irritated by being irritated... and my back hurts. Ts! Vicious cycle and most exhausting. Too much procrastination and the stupid kind. Somedays I feel like beating myself up. Focus, damn you! :fight:
     
  24. Platina

    Platina Member

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    I got my wire replaced in my gaming PC, but the PC itself still refuses to boot up. Of course it wasn't going to be that easy...! I'm gonna leave it alone now and maybe my mom will take it into work for her friend to see what's wrong, but other than that, I'm stumped. I think I damaged it further trying to take out and put back one of the drives.

    Edit: I'm using an old laptop of mine right now.
     
    Last edited: Feb 27, 2021 at 7:26 AM
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  25. GraceLikePain

    GraceLikePain Senior Member

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    So...I have GERD and stomach acid has been coming up my esophagus at night for the past several months. A couple of days ago it has started coming up even during the day. It's three in the morning and I'm too tense to sleep. Just got the email notifying me of a quarterly inspection, and the hospital sent me a past due email, despite the fact I mailed them a check.

    I'm so tired of this....
     
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