The Princess of the sea

Below the tropical water far from human sight, the people of Oceana's undersea kingdom, under the rulership of King Randal and Queen Arial, gather to celebrate Princess Marina's 4th birthday. As the Merfolk celebrate, no one knowns of the threat that is yet to come.

As the people celebrate Hera morns, by herself, the death of her husband. Grief-stricken Hera wonders if she will find love once more. While swimming in her thoughts, she finds, inside a cave, Pandora's crystal, an ancient relic that holds great power.

Soon after, Hera is hunted by nightmares upon which a mermaid comes to destroy the crystal along with her. As her skills grew, Hera's heart becomes darkly and considers the princess as a threat.

To prevent her death, Hera goes to see King Randal and Queen Arial demanding that they give their daughter to her immediately. Out of anger, by not getting what she wanted, Hera puts a curse upon the kingdom. Upon which the people are turned into stone.

In desperation, the people flee for their lives, along with Queen Arial and her daughter. To save Marina's life Queen Arial bestow her daughter to a human family upon which she finds refuge far from danger. Marina is distraught for being taken away from the only home that she knew.

Seeing Alan and his mother able to breathe underwater like herself, she accepts their trust. Alan wonders about his ability to breathe underwater. Finding a secret room with alien artifacts inside it his mother decides to reveal her extraterrestrial origins.

Over time Alan and Marina develop affection for one another. Alan promised Marina he would always be there to protect her from anyone or anything that would harm her.

Wanting the princess dead, Hera uses her powers to kill off all sea life. With the coastlines in danger, Alan and Marina go back to Oceana to stop the destruction. Upon arriving, they see a desolated kingdom in an advanced state of decay devoid of sea life. Upon which they confront Hera in a final showdown.

Managing to destroy the crystal, along with Hera, the curse is lifted but with consequence. With the sudden release of energy from the crystal, Marina is fatally wounded. Marina thanks Alan for what he had done for her and to bring her home with her last breath.

At Marina's funeral, the kingdom mourns for the sacrifice that she made. King Randal and Queen Arial grief over their little angelfish for which they never had a chance to see her grow up. Alan is heartbroken by the loss of his princess of the sea and regretted that he wasn't able to keep his promise. Feeling empty, Alan tries to cope with Marina's death.

With time Alan moves on with his life and dedicate his life to repairing the damage that Hera created. After a full life, Alan quietly passed away has he dreamed about his beloving princess. Upon crossing to the afterlife, Alan is overwhelmed by seeing Marina, in human form, waiting for him. Marina explains that she received the gift of a human soul because she was loved and showed courage and sacrifice. Marina takes Alan into the environment for which they both loved, below the waves, spending eternity together.

 

Is there a certain type of critique you are looking for? Is this synopsis just for you or are you planning on publishing this as a blurb?
As a blurb I found it very difficult to read. I felt that it was redundant in places and jumped quickly without a comfortable transition. But if you wrote it for yourself thats so cool. I should try doing something like this to help me internalize the plot of my story.

 

Two beings from different worlds whose friendship for one another must gather their courage and stop a danger from her past before time runs out and all ocean life disappears forever

 

Is there actually something to read and critique here?

 

@jxb911 - Are you asking us a question about your plot idea? What kind of feedback are you looking for?

When you say 'two different worlds' are you talking about an earth person and a person from elsewhere? Or is this fantasy set on another world altogether?

 

I can't read a giant block of text like that. Please, for the love of all that is good and pure in this world, insert some paragraph breaks. People's eyes and brains need a break.

 

PART 1

The people of Oceana gather to celebrate King Randal and Queen Arial's daughter's 4th birthday. No one is aware of the threat that was coming their way. Hera mourns and remembers the loss of her husband. Not having a child of her own, Hera wonders if she will find love once more and be remembered. Finding Pandora's Crystal, inside a cave, Hera receives powers beyond imagination with a sense of immortality. Over time, she becomes heartless with jealousy, hatred, and anger. Hera is hunted by nightmares upon which a mermaid comes to destroy the crystal along with her. Hera eventually realizes that the mermaid in her dreams is a future image of King Randal and Queen Arial's daughter Marina. When she demands that they hand over their daughter to her. Queen Arial flees with her daughter in hopes of saving her from certain doom. Hera loses patience and cast a petrifaction spell on the kingdom, turning everyone to stone. At the surface, Alan and his parents are wondering about the strange light below the waves. Queen Arial shows up abruptly on their boat, pleading with them to take her daughter with them so she can have a chance to live, to which they agree. Queen Arial only has time to tell them her daughter's name before returning below the waves. When Hera can't find the young princess's body, she goes into a fit of rage.



PART 2

Arriving in their undersea home in the Bahamas, Marina is distraught for being taken away from the only family that she knew. Seeing Alan and his mother able to breathe underwater like herself, she accepts their trust. Alan wonders about his ability to breathe underwater. Finding a secret room with alien artifacts inside it, Alan's mother decides to reveal her extraterrestrial origins and abilities. As their friendship grows over the years, they develop affection for one another.



PART 3

After 15 years of trying to find Marina, Hera's mental state turns for the worse. She creates a dark curse spreading by the currents like a cancer, killing all sea life. Finding out, via the news network, that it reached the southernmost part of the Caribbean and its point of origin, they decide to go back to Marina's home to stop the threat. When they arrive, they only see a desolated kingdom devoid of sea life. Finding Hera in the grand ballroom, they battled out till Alan can get Hera to lose grip of Pandora's Crystal with his harpoon gun. Upon which, Marina takes the crystal and destroys it. Marina is fatally injured by the sudden energy surge released by Hera's body, and all of Hera's powers are dispelled. Marina gives thanks to Alan for what he did for her and for bringing her home with her last breath. Realizing her passing away, Alan mourns, feeling regret for not being able to protect her. King Randal and Queen Arial morn over their little angelfish for which they never had a chance to see her grow up. King Randal carries his daughter's body to her final resting place the next day, with the populace forming a guard of honor. Waking up to what felt like a dream, Marina noticed she became human. Being pure of heart, Marina showed courage and sacrifice upon which she received everlasting life.



PART 4

As Alan tries to accept the loss of the one that he loved decides to repair all the damage that Hera created. He goes back to Oceana to help out with the repairs. As well Alan's mother comes along, wanting to talk with Marina's parents, knowing that they would like to know about their daughter's life. After this, Alan creates the MORA Foundation to help restore and preserve the ocean's coral reefs. When his life comes to an end, his soul crosses over to the other side. He's totally overwhelmed when he sees Marina, in human form, waiting for him. She explains to him that through love, friendship, courage, and sacrifice, she received the gift of a human soul. Marina takes Alan to the ocean nearby and swims together among the coral reefs spending eternity together.

 

@jxb911 Several members have asked you to state a question. If you have a plot-related question, please say so. If not, I'll lock this thread.