The silly theory thread

At a restaurant, if you feel like your food is taking forever to come out, light a cigarette. Food always comes as soon as you light a cigarette.

Of course, this was back when you could smoke in restaurants. I have no idea how to make the food come faster now.

 

Order earlier?

 

Calorie: A small creature that sneaks into your wardrobe at night and sews all you clothes together to make them fit tighter (or not fit at all).

 

Or, if you were drunk when you lost it, you have to get equally drunk to find it.

A friend of mine lost her keys when she got blackout drunk at a party (was it fate?). The next day, I had to go pick her up to give her a ride to work. She got just as drunk two weeks later at the same person's house, and found her keys. Works like a charm.

 

I am fairly certain there is an inter-dimensional portal in my closet at my parents old house. I would literally pull everything out it to find something, and it is simply gone. Though it reappears within a about 1-6 month time frame, after multiple cleanings to search for the item. I wonder where those items vanished to.

 

Also, if you need a waiter all you have to do is start complaining about the service and they're already behind you.

Just realized this thread is from 2015...
feel like I've been @Cave Trolled

 

Doctors spend their time between patients doing research. Whatever your complaint is, she read up on it so she'd look like an instant genius when you tell her what was wrong.

That's why, when you call to make an appointment, the receptionist always asks the reason for your visit.

 

And there's an antipode...

You save something for years because you know that someday you'll find a use for it.

And the day after you finally give up and toss it, you find out what that use is.

 

And if you're the designated driver (and therefore shouldn't be drinking at all) you and your car mates will end up in a frat house in another city, broke... and no one knows what happened to the car.

 

Go to the restroom. It'll be on the table and cold when you get back.

 

Every time you want to watch a movie, and your going through Netflix or whatever, you can never remember all those things you said "oh, I want to watch that" about. None. Of. Them.