Discussion in 'The Lounge' started by katina, Sep 23, 2018.
How old were you and where was it?
And did it work out?
If by love you mean love, then I was like 20. If you mean heavily infatuated, then like 13-ish. And no, it did not work out.
Aww sorry to hear it.
Why did it not? When you 20 I mean?
I am guessing 13 is when you were at school?
One of us passed away. I'll leave it to you to figure out which.
I was fifteen, it was near London,
It worked out in that we are still good friends although we've gone in wildly different directions.
Certainly my longest-standing friend by some years as well .
That is sad. Life is such it is out of our reach. Hope you are doing better now.
I understand. Friends and love just don't mix. It is just the way it is.
Glad you are still in touch. Did this experience made you any better?
...that's not true.
It made us both better I think, it was more like lovers growing into friends that lasted over time.
Agreed. To be a friend, one must be loved. The difference is the long term; a beloved is someone to marry and have a family with, a great friend is someone who is not that invested (or to be that invested into).
To directly answer the topic question: I've had crushes and have had crushes upon me but I aimed too high and acted too shyly so nothing came of it (which in the long run was a good thing as my types were not good). I cannot say I've ever been in love, that's to say truly loved someone to the point of being willing to die for that person.
Well you can't start off being friend then decide you are going to be lovers.
I might be wrong but why do you think differently?
It feels like it was more their part then yours right?
How do you mean you aimed too high?
Of course you can. The fact that you can seems so obvious to me that I can't wrap my mind around why you think otherwise.
I gotta agree with @ChickenFreak on this one. My go to is starting off as friends because why would you want to be lovers with someone that you can't be friends with.
I have probably did not word it properly.
What I mean for if you start being friends from the beginning for a period of time then one of you decide they want something more then it is a bit awkward.
Well ''you can'' anything is possible but I personally do not think it is a good idea. That is my own
decision on it and so I have never experienced friendship then love after that.
It is a kind of mind set. I keep friends and people I fancy separate.
The issue with friendship is that once you go cross it may or may not work out in the end and so both friendship and love may be lost. It is a double whammy which is not nice.
Now if you are saying you have fallen love and conduct your relationship as friend then I still feel it would be tricky.
Maybe it is just me. But what I mean to say is that just because you can doesn't mean you should.
And I still don’t get it. What should love start out as if not as friendship? Dislike? Indifference?
I am talking about how I feel about friendship.
Love and friendship are two very different things.
I have friends and then I have partners.
IT is a bit like saying you can't play tennis and football at the same time.
When I first saw/met my partner there was an attraction straight away and I knew it was not going to be friendship but girlfriend/boyfriend.
When I met friends I was not attracted to them physically but because we got on and so they are still my friends to this day. I will not mix the two. That is the choice I make.
That is how I see things. It is easier that way .Obviously you are different to me.
But...are they not your friend? Do you not like their personality, not talk to them about things, not laugh at shared jokes, not...are they, other than sex, just a nonentity, utterly dull and uninteresting to you?
Yes I would not be with my partner if I did not like their personality and the way they are. I would not be with them if I did not like them. It is not just sex it is intimacy too. I am not intimate with my friends.
For example I would not treat my male friends the exact same way I treat my partner. It is not the same. I don't have sex with them.
You said in your last post love starting off as friendship then developing into love.
I have never experienced friendship turning into love. That is what I am trying to say.
The odd part is that you assumed that it shouldn’t work in any way other than the way it worked for you, and that others would agree that your way is obviously the only way.
Everyone is different. I am not implying my way or no way. I am talking from experience.
You said nothing about your experience so I can have something to agree with or disagree.
Never... Been. Never cared.
How is that?
Separate names with a comma.