1. Bonzo-Reborn

    Bonzo-Reborn New Member

    May 25, 2008
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    The Waiting...

    Discussion in '"Consequences" Short Story Contest' started by Bonzo-Reborn, May 25, 2008.

    Jack Thomspon was born, raised and beaten. He's never really had many friends and the ones that called them friends used him for themselves, this story is about how Jack spends his final hours before paying the price for his waste of an existense...

    Its hard to realise and feel what a person goes through when their waiting. Waiting for something, an ending, a beginning, maybe even death? One person who never realised this until now was Jack Thompson.

    He led a life of pain and he never realised what he missed until now, he's been on death row for 3 years now, sometimes he wonders, "Will they ever kill me, or is my punishment the inevitibility of my wait"....hours spent in his cell, trapped not only inside the walls that physically restrict his movement, but Jack's trapped inside his head a pit full of deep thought and worry every day for the last 3 years, yet he has found some release because in an hour, Jack will recieve his ultimate punishment, Death by Hanging.

    Its strange, the emotions you can feel when your faced with such a situation, when he was sentenced to hanging for homicide in Des Moines, Iowa. He was angry, like he always had been, Jack was an angry boy, who grew up to be an angry man, well is he old enough to be caled a man?...Jack is only 19, yet it was a waste of 19 years.

    He reminises on things from his childhood sitting on his own, Music he listened to, he was always an avid musician, playing the drums was his escape from having an alcoholic mother and an abusive father, and Jack was good, he could have been in a band...always dreamed he could be accepted into a band. Always waiting for acceptance, for love, for a friend to talk with, but to Jack noone ever came. The isolation in childhood can make anybody angry and without a figure, a role model nobody to look up to, it was hard for Jack to find anyone, but he did, eventually Jack found a 'friend', his name was Damon. Damon was friends with Jack, they met when Jack was 16 and Damon was 28, Damon had a car, loads of girls, lots of money, and he wanted Jack to have all of this aswell.

    Damon gave him jobs, and because of these jobs Jack felt strong, loved, he felt he belonged. Then one day Jack was given a job that he was afraid to do, of everything he felt in his sixteen years, fear was never anything he felt but he was scared, and when Damon drve him to the drop off he realised he was not only afraid of what he was about to do, he was afraid of Damon, but if he didnt do it, he would have nobody, the girls that thought he was hot and cool would stop going up to the roomd Damon gave him, the alcohol that helped Jack sleep at night would stop, his new life full of people paid to put up with him would all stop as soon as he walked away and didnt put a bullet between that Debtors eyes.

    Jack had been told he was the only boy, no, man to ever pick up a gun and look so comfortable to aim and squeeze a trigger, "always squeez the trigger" he remembered that was what Damon said, "never pull, squeeze"...

    But now he waits as always......remembers.......and waits .......and remembers the faces of those children he murdered, the father who tried to protect his wife and children, the wife who cried over her dead husbands body while cowering with her children in the corner.....he feels the noose around his neck tighten, and the trap door tense, his senses become aware of everything, and as he feels the doors beneath him open, he feels.....for the first time in his life, he feels relief, pain, every emotion he can let fill him up, every emotion except anger. And the last image he sees is the wife of that man, and mother of those children, and he sees that woman as nothing more than a woman, alone, crying, just like his mother standing over his corpse...
  2. Honeybun

    Honeybun Active Member

    Sep 13, 2008
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    You're writing is pretty capturing; however, you really need to edit before you post. there are many spelling errors all around.
    And the part when you wrote "Waiting for something, an ending, a beginning, maybe even death?"... i was thinking that an ending is actually death so there's no need to mention the last part.

    enjoyed it nevertheless

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