i'm starting to realize it's like a roller coaster. i'll have a week where i feel like the stars have aligned and i'm an omnipotent genius who can spin universes at my whimsy, and then i'll read some literary masterpiece and come crashing back to earth. i'm at a low point in the cycle at the moment. i think the key is trusting that you will come out on the other side again. i'm working on my awareness; recognizing that this state of mind is what it is and that it's only temporary. i've taken a break from writing because of it, just chilling and letting go of control for a while. you'd be surprised how liberating it is to simply write about your frustrations. write about what you don't know, how irritating it is to have the shortcomings you have, and vent all your insecurities and uncertainties. that act alone can shrink the space they occupy in your head. they become more manageable, even if they don't go away entirely (and they won't). Double bonus: you have fodder for future writing. maybe one of your characters will battle with chronic self-consciousness. i also empathize with the feeling you get when reading another book doesn't help. i start building up a book in my head and wondering "why can't I write like that? i'll never reach this level of ability, why am i even bothering?" blah blah blah. so i started doing something new. when i read a book that's really good, i'll pause every once in a while and ask myself how this scene could be improved. or how it could have been botched. i tweak ideas in my head ever-so-slightly and see how it would look that way. it's reminded me that writing is literally that: small tweaks over and over and over again until you have something awesome. it's helped me remember that a book like Harry Potter with all its twists and turns and surprises did NOT just fall out of JK Rowling's head on a diner napkin. she probably changed and adapted and updated dozens and dozens of times over. so that's my advice. write about your mental gunk. use it in your writing if you can. and take a deep breath and know that your self-doubt is fleeting. you'll come out of it, and then when it happens again you'll be even more prepared for it.
We seem to be in a similar situation, although I think I have got past the emotional turmoil, so besides extending my sympathies, I may have some helpful thoughts. 1. I also found comparing myself to favourite authors turn into an unexpected demotivator. "I'll never be as good as Hunter S Thompson, so why bother." I now know this was incorrect thinking on my part. I don't have to be as good a writer to be good enough to entertain, or maybe even make a difference for my readers. I took some time to address what I wanted to achieve from writing, and luckily, it does seem possible, so my motivation has restored somewhat. 2. Not all writers think their writing is garbage - but a lot do. My learning over time is that it's about expectations. Every first draft is going to be terrible, and once I accepted that and lowered my quality expectations for first, second, third drafts, and started treating writing as a longer timeframe 'work' process, I have been happier with my output (what little there is of it - see point 4 for more on this). 3. New, "quick hit," challenges. I chose to write long form fiction. This creates a really long block of time where I have an unsatisfying unfinished work in progress. For a part-time writer like myself, that means literally years between the moment I start a story and the 'triumph' of eventually finishing a rubbish first draft. I discovered something that gives me a sprinkling of positive emotions from writing: I do an improv theater dropin. That's just me, though - you may find something different works. The idea I'm trying to convey is: give yourself a periodic boost. Write an unrelated short story once a month, show up at an open mike poetry slam night, write some jokes as if you're writing for an imaginary standup comedian, fix your favourite tv show's worst episode by rewriting it, post some outrageous fanfic. 4. First World Problems. "O, woe is me, I have a job that pays the bills that leaves inadequate leisure time to develop my writing." We're in the same club. It kinda sucks, but in this economy, it beats the alternative. In another section in the forum, I explained that I forced myself to come to terms with my priorities. I'm not going to be a writer/astronaut/nobelprizewinner/olympicmedalist who bakes apple pies for the kids before I head to work in the morning. My writing time has come at the cost of other hobbies. I made some hard decisions.
Wise, indeed. Yep... that's pretty much it!! This is me too. Not that I've yet to finish a first draft, but I take your meaning. This is a major part of my hang-up, I know. I don't have much in the way of talent when it comes to the sort of things jobs like to pay you to do... which makes it that much harder to get my rear to work every morning when my true interests lie in writing. I suppose there is nothing for it, though, except to muscle through it until it (eventually?) pays off. Thanks all, for your input. I appreciate the collaboration! This is why I like the forum- people who can relate.
Six years and you're still working on one novel? Try writing six novels in one year if you really want to be a novelist. I know this guy who basically spent every free second writing for a year or two. He wrote a ton of novels and they all got rejected. So, he wrote more. Finally, a book was picked up, then another, then a movie deal. And I don't want to mention this person by name because he is somewhat known now. But before his writing took off I believe he was washing dishes or something like that. People who really want to be novelists really try to be novelists.
Novelists don't all work to such a frantic schedule. And some really really good novelists only produce one or two novels in their entire lifetime. Harper Lee, for example. Alastair MacLeod. From Wikipedia: If you want to make a living being a novelist, yes, you probably do need to produce one per year, at least. But if that is not your goal, then you don't. A novelist is somebody who writes or has written a novel, and if that's what you're doing, that's what you are. What else would you call yourself?
Maybe if I was washing dishes for a living, I would have more free seconds to write. Agreed. Quality over quantity, IMO. I may only ever have three or four decent stories in me, but I'd rather do those well (and attempt to pay my bills in the mean time) than churn out a whole bunch of mediocre pieces nobody's interested in.
Honestly, @Caveriver, sounds like you are just making excuses. That's fine. You made the decision to take your job. You made the decision to do other things besides write. Again, all fine. It's your writing dream, but I'm done with this thread.
@jannert A vlog is a video blog, ie a blog consisting of video clips instead of text. A famous example is the Vlog Brothers channel on Youtube, starring Hank Green and...the other one, whose name I forget.
I've just plotted the outline for a novel after years of experimentation with short stories. I have had one of the central characters in my mind for about 10 years and I've tried so many times to map out her story. Now I feel like I have it. It's a crime story, but not a pulsing thriller. It's more about the four central characters involved with the crime, their individual stories and the point at which they all converge. I have a beginning, a middle and an end. A three act structure and nice little twist at the end. It has form, and it has direction. So why, now, have I lost all confidence in it? (And what should I do about it?)
Sounds good. As to what you should do about it? Write it anyway. Write any part of it, whatever speaks to you the most in the moment. Maybe you're not a linear writer, or maybe you just need a kick start?
Just start writing. Nothing bad is going to happen if it's rubbish to begin with. Example: One of my favorite Golden Age Science Fiction novels is The City and the Stars (1956) by Arthur C. Clarke. It's a wonderful novel and epitomises everything the I love about Science Fiction of that era. But... That book started as something else. It started as a story Clarke published in 1948 called Against the Fall of Night. He completely rewrote the story and published it again as a new novel. Nothing bad happened. I think too often writers get locked in a cycle of an unspoken thought that if it's not glowing off the page from the first go (cue resounding angelic singing) then they'll be out of the race, or some other nameless calamitous event will ensue. There is no hulking guard to lash you if you write words that you eventually throw away, or change, or save for some other time because you like them but they don't fit anymore. How can you lose confidence in something you haven't even really started writing?
Could it be that the story is 'stale' in your mind since you have thought about elements of it for so long? Punch up the story and make it more exciting so it grabs you again?
Speaking from personal experience, I had to leap a mental hurdle to start to write the novel that I'd planned out for a few months. I can't really describe it, but it was kind of a paralyzing fear that I wouldn't be able to actually write the damn thing, that it would fizzle out a few chapters in and all my excitement and planning would end up with an epic fail. It was especially hard because I was making the leap from fanfiction (where I was quite popular in my corner of the fandom) to original fiction, and I wasn't sure if my success there would translate to a story entirely populated with characters/setting/plot of my own creation. I'm not saying that this is at the root of your loss of confidence but it sure was for me. I had everything ready to go and then procrastinated for a couple of weeks mentally rocking back and forth in the corner screaming I DON'T KNOW IF I CAN DO THIS WHO THE HELL DO I THINK I AM TRYING TO WRITE A DAMN BOOK LIKE AN ACTUAL WRITER OR SOMETHING Eventually I got over it and started writing. It sounds silly now, but putting those first words down on the page was really scary. It got easier and easier with each page, though, and the finished product met with a success I'd never come close to imagining.
Because you paused. I remember reading a piece of advice in some book of essays by successful writers that you can't pause, because when you do, it all starts to look stupid and silly. (Not their words; I can't remember their words.) I was just whining yesterday that I hadn't written a scene in my WIP in too many days and so I was struggling to get moving again. Write something. Feel the stupid and silly wash over you, and ignore it. Keep writing. The juice will probably come back in to it. If it never does, no matter how hard you fight, then move on to the next idea and this time, never pause. Edited to add: Elizabeth Gilbert, probably in Big Magic, anthropomorphizes the phenomenon: The idea chose you, and it was willing to wait a little while, but if you make it wait too long, it's going to move on and choose a writer that will give it attention.
Guys! Thanks for your comments. I think you're all right. Any piece of creative work feels as fragile as a cobweb in its infancy. I get wrapped up in the language; in how the words sound when read back. And I worry that a story has been brewing for so long it only exists now as an idea. So, in the absence of any other ideas right now, I guess I'll start writing this one!
It is utterly and totally too hard for me to write anything; Therefore have I decided to write nothing. Everything I write sounds stupid. Everything I write does not have flow. When I write a rough draft that is clear but not smooth, then I revise it for cadence, but the product of my efforts does not have flow, and no one can understand it. And thus the published authors declare that my skill with language is very low, and they try to persuade me to write without cadence, and they try to persuade me to write without flow. And this mostly happens when I write a rough draft, and cannot see how to make it flow. But if I have to write one-hundred thousand words in a style that sounds like junk, because they do not allow me to write anything that flows, then to those who tell me to write without style, to them I must say no. And therefore I should have given up a long time ago. And thus will I endeavor to write no more.
Well, if that's your conclusion, maybe you should at least take a break. And/or give your writing to somebody who knows about writing, and then ...this is VERY important ...pay attention to their feedback. If they try to show you what might improve it, do try it on. Don't just say no no no no no no and refuse to take their advice on board. I know you have 'goals' which is fine, but if you want things to change, you need to change your approach. Try loosening up a bit. Just based on other things you've posted, my suggestion would be this: FORGET FORM. For now at least. Focus on what you want your writing to say, and make sure you're saying it. Get feedback, and make sure your readers are getting what you're saying. If cadence is all-important to you and trumps all other considerations, try writing music—or poetry. (No, I'm not being facetious.) Cadence is NOT all-important for most writers of fiction or non-fiction. Getting a story or philosophy across to readers is what most writers want to do. Getting readers to be tapping their feet in time to the prose rhythm is WAY down the list. On another thread, I've given you some links to introducing and working with cadence in writing, however. So give these things a try. But if you need a break, take one. And maybe refocus your writing ambition a bit. OR ...dig in and learn to use cadence in your writing. It's not going to come to you full-born, like Venus on the half shell. It will take practice and it will take making mistakes and learning from them. And it might even take a eureka moment or two, which you can't really force. Good luck to you, whichever way you go.
I'm also not an Author. However, it has been said by some that once you start to write, you're a writer. It depends on your end goal. I want to be published one day, but not-self published. That is my goal. Achievable or not is yet to be determined, but there is no rush. It is a new goal of mine. What I can add to this conversation is that if you want to write, then you should. You should do some research and start small. Maybe don't try to write a novel of 100k words from the get-go. Try just a scene or two, then smooth those out, work with a sizable chunk of material before spending countless days, weeks and or months discovering you're completely lost. Ask someone to check out a few pages and have them guide you until you mastered a paragraph, a page, a scene, then a chapter. This is the way I am approaching it. Shelve your good ideas when your projects fail (in your mind), so when you get better at writing you can come back to them. I've already shelved a few great ideas but at the time I was writing, I also realized something is wrong. So I started over. My ideas are getting better and others are helping me refine some areas that need attention. Practice makes perfect, like anything.
