As I'm editing my fic, I've felt very conscious of the fact that the characters' appearances in my head have not been thoroughly translated at all, and the setting is not very developed in terms of atmosphere. Beyond their species and approximate age, my readers generally don't know what the characters look like, and the planet the majority of the fic is set on could very well be any modern-day semi-urban environment. This is a Star Wars fic. The engaging set pieces and visuals are just as important as the plot functions the settings and characters serve. How might I better paint a picture of the corner of the galaxy far far away that I've invented?
Just speaking off the top of my head, without seeing what you've actually written (maybe try some of it in the Workshop?) I'd say the very very best way to get an idea of how to paint a picture is to read somebody else's work. Choose some author whom you really admire, who writes in a similar vein to what you're writing. See how they do it. How do they create atmosphere and visuals for the reader? I think if you focus too much on what the characters look like, the descriptions can become wooden and laundry-list-like. Nobody, at the start of your story, is going to keep the descriptions you give inside their heads unless you make them stick. The old 'red-haired, green-eyed' trope, for example. (I'm gritting my teeth here....) Instead of telling the reader 'character so and so has red hair and green eyes,' let this evolve through the eyes of other characters. When does the colour of this character's eyes actually STRIKE somebody else. Admit it. When you first meet somebody, it's rare to notice the colour of their eyes, unless the circumstances are very unusual. Hair colour might be more noticeable, but only if it makes an impact. It's that impact on your other characters that you should concentrate on. Who is receiving this impression, and what impression do these characteristics make? Ditto surroundings. What do your CHARACTERS notice about the surroundings? Without always taking time out of the story to have them stand and gawp and marvel (while you give a laundry-list description of the setting) try to pick out one or two details that matter AT THE TIME to your POV character. If you keep doing this, a general picture will evolve in the reader's mind. Don't be afraid to take this slowly. It's what's important to your POV character at that time that will stick with the reader. Just a long list of, say, grey, snow capped mountains, grey sky with dark grey clouds, a pasture filled with red and black cows, a stream running through it, a path leading along the river, three houses in the distance, one with a black roof, the other two with roofs of grey slate, a cornfield on the left, two cars coming along the road, major road works ahead, and etc. Very little of that is going to stick. Maybe concentrate on the roadworks? And the fact that the POV character is pissed off that his journey is being delayed by them. And that it looks like a storm is brewing and the mountains are fast disappearing in the mist—which is going to mean trouble ahead. And maybe, while he sits for ages waiting for the temporary light to turn green, he MIGHT notice the cows, the river the path, the houses. But—this is what's most important—what does he think of these things when he notices them? It's his IMPRESSIONS of the scene he's witnessing that will leave a mark on the reader. It's worthy to note that, at that moment, we probably don't care what the guy's hair and eye colour is. We're more worried about the delay and the approaching storm ...and maybe what his thoughts reveal about his current situation. Whether he has blonde hair, red hair, brown hair or black hair doesn't matter. Yet. Providing those details here would be a distraction, not an asset. Wait till they do matter, then reveal them. (Maybe when he stops at the filling station and the female attendant remarks that his black hair makes him look just like her favourite movie star—and he IS actually that movie star, but trying to travel incognito....) Choose the time and place to reveal details, make each detail matter, and you'll be fine.
I actually had very similar problems with my current WIP, I was desperate to translate the appearance of the characters and the mood and atmosphere of the fictional city I'd created into the story itself, but I found myself struggling to do so. Jannert's point about avoiding heavy, laundry list descriptions of characters and settings is absolutely spot on, indeed you'll find similar advice in many professional books and articles on novel-writing. However, if you find yourself in a similar situation to me, do not be afraid to use such lengthy descriptions, particularly for settings and world-building. Independently from your current WIP, perhaps in an entirely separate document, by all means write a long, hyper-detailed description of one or multiple settings which feature in your story, from a whole city to perhaps just one street or building. Really try to put the heart and soul of the place into these descriptions, as well as the physical appearance, going into as much detail as you want. Then, as you continue with your work in progress you'll be able to call upon this pre-prepared info-dump of description and include pieces where you feel it's appropriate, or even use it as an inspiration for setting future scenes. There's no need to use every word of it, or even quote from it verbatim when you come to include parts of it, but I found that doing some strong world building for your own benefit can really help. I've seen a lot of advice comparing story-writing to baking a cake, with various elements such as plot and characters compared to ingredients. Think of this method of world building like a bar of dark chocolate. Don't chuck the whole thing into the mixture, it would ruin the structure of the cake and seem completely out of place. But if you break it up into pieces and mix it in gradually, it will give you a much richer, deeper flavour. I've never baked a cake in my life, but I hope that analogy and the advice in general kind of helps, and best of luck with your work! (Big fan of Star Wars too, at least there's plenty of source material to draw from!)
