I've been working on the descriptions for my next two books for Smashwords. They ask for a long version and a short version (with no more than 400 characters). I'd like to know what people think of these. Draconia: Fractured Dream (Book 2): (long version) Draconia: a world home to a race of intelligent dragons--the Draconians. Hatching: a Human colony established on Draconia for a 10-year trial period during which Draconians and Humans would learn to trust each other and form a peaceful co-existence. In exchange, the Earth Union would protect the planet from invaders. Seven years have passed since the Treaty was formed. For seven years, Draconians and the Humans of Hatching have lived in peace. The friendship between Varthikes and Audwin McClance has blossomed into a brotherhood. It was all about to change... The Earth Union have become lax in upholding their end of the Treaty. Loyal Providence, Humans who oppose the Treaty, and Commander Slikmac of the lizard-like Norseen, who seeks to control the Draconians, have formed an alliance. Together, they launch a devastating attack on Draconia, striking Bare Peak Range and provoking a renegade group of Draconians into attacking the colony. Varthikes and Audwin race to repair the fracture in their dream of a peaceful co-existence, battling invading Norseen, enduring the brand of traitor from both sides and tests to their friendship. (short version) For seven years, Humans have lived peacefully on Draconia with their dragon-like hosts. That is, until an unprovoked attack on the dragons into striking back at the Human colony. Varthikes and Audwin McClance, race to repair the fracture in their dream of a peaceful co-existence, battling invading Norseen, enduring the brand of traitor from both sides and tests to their friendship. (385/400) Draconia: Rehatching (Book 3): (long version) The Treaty between Draconia and Earth Union was in shreds. The experimental colony of Hatching, a product of that Treaty, was to be removed from Draconia. Varthikes and Audwin's dream of peaceful co-existence between their two kinds seemed lost. Forces from Earth were closing to avenge what was believed to have been an unprovoked attack on the colony. Norseen forces were also closing. Enemies were everywhere. Hope still exists, however. Captain Mark Johnson of the United Earth Space Fleet was determined to defend Draconia against all threats--Norseen and Human. Malcon Ambassador Cairleeta has devised a plan to save Draconia and the Human colony. But, ultimately, it is up to Varthikes and Audwin, and the power of their friendship, to ensure their home survives the Norseen invasion to be rehatched. (short version) The Treaty between Draconia and Earth was in shreds. Enemies were everywhere. But, hope still existed. Captain Mark Johnson of Earth was determined to defend Draconia against all threats--Norseen and Human. But, ultimately, it was up to Varthikes and Audwin, and the power of their friendship, to ensure their home survives the Norseen invasion to be rehatched. (396/400)
As somebody whose sole claim to writing fame is a single article in my professional journal some 30-odd years ago, I'm giving my opinion with a little trepidation, but you did ask...
It's Commander Slikmac, primarily, who seeks to control the Draconians, but his government is behind him, at least for the moment. Together, they launch a devastating attack on Draconia, striking Bare Peak Range and provoking a renegade group of Draconians into attacking the colony. Is that better? And, yeah... Your third suggestion does make it better.
