Hello. I'm writing a novel in 1st persom POV where the main character lives very much in his body and often describes physical sensations. A problem has cropped up where 'my' seems to be used very, perhaps too, frequently. Examples include: -Some spittle landed on my chin -Oozed onto my lips -My other ones were -My voice cracked -Reamed its way up my throat Any suggestions and how to flip things around? The amount of "I's" aren't too bad but I wonder if that's because of all the "my's".
This is interesting for me because I too struggle. The advice I've received is conflicting: Some say not to worry too much as these words are mostly invisible to the reader. Others say too many instances spoil the immersion and become annoying. (of course when highlighted, they stand out even more) In your examples above, I think you'll need to rework the entire sentences rather than just the fragments you've given. Others may be able offer better advice here but the decision will ultimately rest with you on how much is too much.
Thanks Maverick. "Some spittle landed on my chin" is a full sentence. I'm at a loss as how to eliminate "my" and if I can figure out how to do it here, when it's simple, I bet I could apply that to more complex sentences. The character is a computer scientist, not a word wizard, so I'm trying to reflect that in my (there it is again!) writing. However, I'd of course also like to keep it from reading redundant.
I think I meant the whole sentence in context. I don't know whether the ;spittle; example is describing someone eating, talking or whatever. Regardless, it certainly doesn't sound unnatural so I'm not convinced there's a problem.
There's three kinds of repetition. Repetition serving a function: The direct word should be used, and avoiding it is bad. E.g., a "banana" becomes a "yellow elongated fruit." Don't do this. Over-correcting is poor form. Repetition giving emphasis: The repetition is used for stylistic effect. (This list, for instance.) There are a lot of rhetorical devices that use this. Dozens too many to list here. Repetition in error: You should have used another word. "I buttered the butter on the bread." Unless you're trying to be funny, avoid it. It's the third case you're trying to avoid. Usually, not always. Nothing happens always. Words like "said" and "my" are invisible until they're not. They want to be, and then a writer tests their limits. The repetition isn't even so much in the words themselves as it is in the highlighted structure/approach. They're more of a symptom than a cause. With "my," you don't have any realistic alternative. First person possessive really limits you. The real problem is that your MC is describing themselves too much. They need to be more interested in what's happening around them. I'd argue that the reader does too, and that this is why 1st person often fails. It's too easy to be introspective and borderline narcissistic. You have to aim the MC's attention at the story. Anyway, that's just my opinion. I can't prove it to be true. I guess the first thing to do is figure out if you're really overusing I/my. You can compare it to word frequency charts and that gives you a rough estimate of where you are. "I" is really popular. It's shows up as about 1 out of 100 words. "My" is a bit more rare. It shows up in 1 out of 400 words. So if your story is about 80k, average writing will have "I" hit 800 occurrences and "my" 200. Now this is just a metric. You're just looking at the norm, and it doesn't speak to writing quality. Of course every story is unique, but if you're at, let's say, 4000 occurrences of "I", then something is probably off. Same with "my." I was looking at Palahniuk's "Fight Club," which is in 1st-person, and he lands "I" at 1 out of 100 words and "my" at 1 out of 300. Not that far off, which surprises me because I though a 1st-person book would have a greater number of I/my than the average for all writing (which you can get from Google & co). If I were you, I would do something similar. Look at your absolute favorite 1st-person book and do a search in your writing program to see what the counts are. Compare that to where your story is at. It's not unusual to see clusters of "my" when the MC is self-assessing, but he/she shouldn't be doing that every other paragraph. If your numbers point to a sincere problem: direct your MC to the story, not themselves kill most filler, they should usually die anyway (I saw, I heard, I felt) avoid personification (my hands lifted, my eyes saw, my heart raced). It's fun until it's overdone. I typed too much again. Sorry. I have to get back to work anyway. Good luck!
One thing I have learned at length from the ladies in my writing group is too avoid using say/said in dialogue tags, and instead putting in an action where ever possible, unless that isn't an option. Though I can feel you on the 1st POV front, and trying to move the story along without writing Stage Direction, style with the MY, but it is quite difficult when it is a much more personal perspective. I often find it hard to omit it entirely since it is a much more personal recount of events, sensations, etc., but I suppose it is possible to put the in POV in the backseat to the story, but I think it takes away from the reality that we experience things in much the same way, which makes it harder to divorce our own personal exp. to the overall stories we tell about ourselves.
