Is the meaning clear? The heliocraft Marianna bought whirred as it took to the air. Silver blades stretched out like giant wings, disappearing over the horizon.
Well, to put it bluntly, no. Nor is your very first sentence. The heliocraft Marianna bought whirred as it took to the air. What does this mean? I assumed 'bought' should be 'boat', but then the 'took to the air' part threw me on that. Also, the last line suggests it is only the blades which are disappearing over the horizon, rather than the craft itself. Finally, the simile itself. 'Heliocraft' suggest a helicopter type thing, which is further suggested by the use of the word 'blades'. When I imagine helicopter blades I don't think of 'wings'.
I see your point about the simile. I'm slightly confused about why the first sentence isn't clear. Is it the verb? can you help me out one more time? If I change it to the heliocraft she brought whirred as it took to the air does that make it clearer.
I think there was some confusion regarding your first line. @OurJud may have misread the name "Marianna" as "Marina" and thought you were talking about watercraft rather than aircraft. As for your simile: It's not unbearable, but you should focus it to mean that the craft disappeared rather than just the blades. "Silver blades stretched out like giant wings and the Heliocraft disappeared over the horizon."
Sorry, it's getting late. I thought 'Heliocraft Marianna' was the name of some futuristic, land-to-sea craft So I was reading it like you would 'The Boeing 747 bought whirred into the air.' I'm going to stop replying to posts after a certain time, as my brain gets more stupid than usual.
Incidently, when I look up heliocraft I get a bunch of minecraft stuff. Are you sure this is the correct term / spelling?
As for the first sentence, it's still clumsy even now I understand it better. I'd suggest losing the 'Marianna bought / she brought' lines altogether and just go with 'The Heliocraft whirred as it took to the air.' But look up the word. We all know how big Minecraft is so if it's something from that, you may need want to change the name. Unless you're writing a Minecraft based story. I'm going to bed!
The only problem I have with the name "Heliocraft" is that "helio" means the sun. So unless this aircraft has anything to do with the sun, you might want to think of another name. If said craft is solar powered, then I'd have no problem with the name.
I will. Oh, I forgot to say thank you for the help with the simile, Spencer. I'm going to rewrite it using your suggestion.
It depends. Do you mean that as the past participle of the verb to buy (as in, she bought it when she was in the toy shop) or to bring (as in, she brought it with her when she moved from Florida)? There's also a slight problem with your simile, even with @Spencer1990 's clarification version. The point being that Silver blades stretched...implies that they started small, and gradually extended to larger; I'm imagining some sort of transformer-like device that emerges from a backpack, and slowly/rapidly grows to big enough to carry a man. Given that ...which Marianna bought...suggests to me that it was portable.
With today's tech and on this world you'd need: Strong (long-lasting (talking Saharan)) sunshine Craft made with lightweight components (seriously wispy lightweight) High energy density battery (for night flight) Also, if it's to carry passengers think along the lines of a hamster or two—I don't think there's ever been one made (as of yet) that'll carry an average human being. Rotors are less efficient than wings.
https://www.theguardian.com/environment/2016/jul/26/solar-impulse-plane-makes-history-completing-round-the-world-trip
@anitaex100 - I think all this should tell you something, namely that no on is quite clear what this Heliocraft thing is. I thought it was a land-to-sea vessel, @Spencer1990 didn't know, and @Shadowfax presumably thinks it's a toy. Unless it's explained at length somewhere what this thing is, you need to be wary of this.
Aye, I know of this...it's a bit red-bull—it's got wings—I'm reading 'helio' as a sun powered helicopter.
No, not a toy, a toy shop was the first shop that came to mind when I thought about using the verb to buy. In fact, I'm seeing it as more like Little Nellie from You Only Live Twice, being unpacked from a suitcase. I have to say that I, too, read the first four letters - and the extending wings - and saw a helicopter (see above!) but @anitaex100 didn't make it clear.
Penny drops, and calling the wings blades—hmmm. I think I'd better hand over my 'crown of being ambiguous'.
Hold on, wait. Isn't the point of figurative language to be...figurative? We know via the word "like" that it is not a literal explanation of what it looked like. Stretched like giant wings is a perfectly clear figurative interpretation of what helicopter blades look like. I'll have disagree with your post @Shadowfax. If I saw a sentence like, "the buildings stretched into the night sky," I would not think they were actively stretching. I would see tall buildings. In this example, I see long blades.
Going back to the OP When I read -- whirred -- I'm imagining helicopter-style blades. When I read -- silver blades stretched -- I'm imagining plane-style wings. Also, the way you present -- disappearing over the horizon after the first clause, makes it sound as if it's only the wings disappearing & not the whole vehicle. When I first read it, I thought you were trying to describe the way helicopter blades kind of disappear when they are moving. I'd try to give you my version of a rewording, but since I'm not sure what you're trying to convey, I can't help.
