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  1. The Piper

    The Piper Contributor Contributor

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    Twist too obvious?

    Discussion in 'Plot Development' started by The Piper, Apr 30, 2018.

    Firstly, this contains huge, massive giant huuuuuuge SPOILERS for The Archangel so if any of you have seen any chapters in the workshop or wanted to read more (once finished) as betas (which is very kind and thank you to everyone who's offered!) then DO NOT READ FURTHER.

    Basically, I'm a little worried that my (possibly) biggest twist is (you guessed it) too obvious. (Side note: how do I actually create a spoiler tag? For this post I'll just make it very clear but would be really useful for future!)

    So (SPOILERS NOW)

    The twist is:








    The storyline involves a plan to start the Biblical apocalypse - from a hotel, of course, where all the guests are either involved with the endgame or just fuel for the final ritual, it's all very complicated but hopefully you get the gist - and it will (eventually) turn out that the MC (good ol' Nick) is one of the Four Horsemen (Death, specifically) and obviously he has no idea and so this is all very confusing and surprising etc etc etc etc etc etc.

    BUT

    I've laid clues so far throughout the novel. That is, we already know that whatever the hotel staff's plan (although so far there's no mention of an apocalypse, just that something baddd is going down), it is something demonic. Eg we've seen Satanic symbols on walls, the number 666 in a guestbook (subtle, I know) and the biggest giveaway of all, a giant painting in the lobby showing the Devil having a jolly old time with some dead fellas. We've also met the other three horsemen: War (a spoilt little kid whose parents are always fighting and get more violent with each other as the story progresses), Famine (an enormously, ridiculously huge man who eats and eats and ohhhh by the way his favourite food is of course human meat, a hotel speciality) and Pestilence (a very sick woman who looks disgusting and makes people ill and is just not very nice to hang out with). Based on this, and the fact that I haven't named any of these characters - would you say the fact that we haven't seen an obvious "Death" character yet means it's obvious that it's our MC?

    As always, any advice is hugely appreciated. Thank you!

    Piper
     
  2. John Calligan

    John Calligan Contributor Contributor

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    Maybe it’s not a twist. Sometimes it is exciting to know the protagonist is powering up and on the way, and you can’t wait for him to do his thing.
     
  3. OB1

    OB1 Active Member

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    I don't think its particularly obvious, but then again I haven't read all the story.
     
  4. X Equestris

    X Equestris Contributor Contributor

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    Things like this usually come down to execution. Sure, you've got the hints for foreshadowing, but how exactly they're implemented will ultimately decide if it's too obvious or not. I don't think I could say for certain without reading the finished product.
     

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