Unflattering Job Descriptions

I first read this in a Richard Marcinko book, but I'll add to it here:

Soldier: I break things and kill people. Other people honor me for it.

(second half mine)

 

Psychologist: People pay me not to laugh while they complain.

Psychiatrist: People pay me to drug them until they stop complaining.

Veterinarian: I keep your pet healthy. If I can't, I kill it.

 

Childminder: I get paid to act as a parent to other people's children.
Parent: I go to work so I can afford to pay a childminder to act as a surrogate parent to my children.
Child: I'm confused.

Priest: I get paid to talk to an imaginary friend and listen to people telling me all the bad things they have done.
Imam: I get paid to talk to an imaginary friend and tell people all the bad things they should do.
Atheist: I have no-one to talk to except my psychiatrist.
Agnostic: I don't know who to talk to.

 

Preacher: Someone you will need the services of at least once in your life.
Lawyer: Someone you will need the services of at least once in your life.
Doctor: Someone you will need the services of at least once in your life.
Policeman: Someone you will need the services of at least once in your life.
Farmer: Someone you will need the services of every single day of your life.