Hi, everyone. This is the sentence I struggled with: What will happen to her when she wakes up and finds out that her parents had died because of a mistake she had made. a. will happen b. wakes up c. finds out d. had died e. had made Can anyone tell me what's correct and what's not in the provided sentence? And how should I change it? This is what I want to show: First, she made a mistake, then her parents died, then she woke up, now what next? Thanks for reading!
We would need more detail. What tense is the story written in? The issue is that a lot of combinations COULD be correct depending on context and the effect you are trying to achieve. When is this particular sentence being asked and by whom? Past perfect is the correct tense to use for the second part of the sentence because regardless of anything else, these actions have already taken place and are complete at this point.
I'm thinking about writing it(the story) in past tense, this sentence is a question being used to hook the reader at the very beginning of the story. Is this making sense?
Excellent question! So, as stated above, the "right" or "best" construction will depend on what tense the story is written in and what you meant to say. In it's current form there is a slight tense disagreement. The sentence itself is in a future construction, so you the proper construction of the second half of your sentence would actually be present perfect tense, and you would say "have died" and "has made." "What will happen to her when she wakes up and finds out that her parents have died because of a mistake she has made." This is assuming that within the context of the story, this has actually happened. If it is a hypothetical situation you wont to use the conditional tense, like this: "What would happen to her if she woke up and found out that her parents had died because of a mistake she had made." If it did happen and you want to write in past tense, about the future you would use something similar to the conditional tense, but instead of "if," you would say "when." So that would look like this: "What would happen to her when she woke up and found out that her parents had died because of a mistake she had made." You could also replace "found out" with "to find" which uses present tense construction to give it a little more of that future event told in past tense feel.
Is this the case where a person in the story actually spoke the given sentence? But if I use the sentence as something outside the story, let's say on the cover, it should be What will happen to her when she wakes up and finds out that her parents have died because of a mistake she has made. ? Okay, I am a bit confused now.
To me, the original line is unwieldy. There's a lot of padding in the message. Kill the double phrasals (woke up, found out). Use future-in-the-past tense (would happen) for the opening. Simplify the tenses. The clause "when she woke up . . ." is a sort of anchor that already aligns the actions around it without much needing to be added. Simplify the ending. I'm not sure what the emphasis is on. Is it upon her blame or upon her parents dying? That will sort the sentence. (That's not an error. I just haven't read the lead up.) Splitting the sentence gives even more emphasis, so I'll just do that. What would happen when she woke up and realized her parents were dead? That she was to blame? What would happen when she woke up and heard what she'd done? Her parents were dead. I don't think you have to even mention the mistake. If it was deliberate then there wouldn't be anything for her to discover. There's a thousand transformations of that sentence that work. Some of those are good and some aren't, but not because of grammar. It's really just about finding a sentence that fits stylistically. If this line is really important then I would put more emotion into the ending. I suppose this line could just be a bridge though, in which case the simple statement is fine.
Sorry for any confusion. I would be happy to clarify what I can, but I'm not entirely sure what you're asking here. The simplest answer I have for you is not to switch tenses mid sentence unless you have a good reason. Switching tenses or moods causes the sentence to say something else despite them looking similar. There is not difference in the two sentences below except for the tense. One uses past tense narration but still speaks to a future event (when she work up): "What would happen to her when she woke up and found out that her parents had died because of a mistake she had made." And the other uses future tense construction: "What will happen to her when she wakes up and finds out that her parents have died because of a mistake she has made?" What matter is the POV of the narrator and consistency.
I think this is muddled because it's not clear what she's waking up to discover. That her parents are dead? (She went to bed thinking they were still alive.) That she made a mistake? (She thought she'd been doing the right thing.) That a mistake she made—which she already knows about—caused the death of her parents—whom she already knows are dead. (It's the connection between the two that she's just discovering.) See if you can construct a sentence that conveys the chronological order of events, THEN add in the question about what will happen to her next. As this is taken entirely out of context at the moment, it's difficult to determine what the reader will think, when actually reading the story. It's not even clear who is asking the question. It must be somebody other than 'she' because, logically, 'she' wouldn't be wondering what will happen to herself when she wakes up not knowing something she doesn't know yet.
change: Julie learned two things from the police-her parents had died, and it was her fault. What is she going to do now? Is this any better? In the book, Julie is suffering from some memory loss, so she has no idea about the mistake and the death of her parents, both are news to her. Does the underlined part functioned as something she asked herself? Originally I was trying to do some sort of tease, so I guess it was me addressing the question to the readers? Could this change also server that propose? I still not sure whether the question is in the right tense. English tense confuses me big times. There's so much to learn.
You need to understand that without context and understanding what you want to achieve, it's impossible to give you a definitive answer. Different combinations change the sense inrelation to whatever else follows. If you write: Julie learned two things from the police-her parents had died, and it was her fault. What is she going to do now? This implies the first part (the event) takes place some time in the past, and we are now focusing on what Julie is doing now. If you write: Julie learns two things from the police-her parents had died, and it was her fault. What is she going to do now? This brings the event into the here and now, and implies that it either is happening now or has just happened, and the next scene will jump into the story during or just after the event.
Yep! As @jannert (Hi Jannert!) and @Naomasa298 have both pointed out, without any context, it is nearly impossible to give you good feedback or direction on how best to construct your sentence. I gave you advice on grammar for construction's sake, but I barely scratched the surface on what information you're trying to convey. The most important thing to consider is what you want your reader to know about what has happened in the story. I won't belabor the point, as I think the other two hit the nail on the head with their examples. I do hope this helps though!
