On the page this is written, there is a guy that is giving the main character a card which has the organization's insignia on it that the guy works for. I just need to know if the description actually makes sense and the reader can imagine it in their minds. He had pulled out a card from his pocket; on the card was the Imperium’s insignia, which was black and was that of a circle that had an inner circle within it, that was white and it had three lines separating the outer circle.
Complete honesty. No, it does not. Too many uses of "which was" and commas separating phrases in odd places. It's a little jumbled. Read it carefully. Word by word. Read it out loud, that will help you immensely. Good luck on your story.
Hows this? He had pulled out a card from his pocket; on the card was the Imperium’s insignia. The insignia was a black circle that had an inner circle within it that was white and it had three lines separating the outer circle.
Hmmm... That's better, but still a little weird. Maybe. "The insignia was a black circle with a smaller white circle inside of it. Three sharp lines separated the circles, making the symbol look bigger." Or something like that. Keep working at it. You'll get it. I have a hard times with describing abstract symbols and facial expressions.
He pulled a card out of his pocket. It was the Imperium's insignia; a black circle with a white inner circle ... And that's as far as I could go because I'm not clear how you see the lines. But that's my suggestion to start your description.
http://www.puzzles.com/puzzleplayground/UnicursalMarathon/UnicursalMarathonSol.htm basically, i'm trying to describe the top right circle.
Ah yes. The old knuckle head with a hoop suspended with springs. Maybe the Imperium has a recording history.
Haha, nah, i just liked the look of it and thought i could use it as an Insignia. Plus there is a reason why i wanted to use it, as it works with my "magic system".
