Help! I'm going nuts over this, really confused about how to properly use tenses. My novel is in 3rd person, past tense. So most of it is 'he was', 'he did', 'he said'. But what about when a character remembers something that has already happened? Random example. What is correct? "Toby frowned, looking at the night sky. He didn't like how things were turning out. That day had started great. His sister had said good morning, and his dog had licked his hand." OR " "Toby frowned, looking at the night sky. He didn't like how things were turning out. That day had started great. His sister said good morning, and his dog licked his hand." On example number 2, isn't "That day had started great" enough to establish that this was a memory? Do I really need to say 'has done this', 'has said that' for every little thing in that memory?
No, you have it right in 2. You set the tense as past perfect (had started) and then bounce out to past. From there you play it by ear. Sometimes you have to throw another had in, but most everything can stay simple past.
I'd argue the first in correct. You're telling us how the day had started (firmly in the past) and during that period of time your sister HAD said good morning and her dog HAD licked your hand. The second one is fine, but the dropping of the past perfect makes it sound like the reader is alongside the character as the 'good morning' and 'dog licking' are happening. It's my understanding (although I don't think a rule as such) that all aspects of a memory should be in past perfect. It can start to sound awkward if it goes on for too long, which is why I usually limit memory segments. Now a flashback, I think, is different. Because a flashback is often used as a more powerful story-telling device, I think it's normal to drop the past perfect 'hads' once it's been established it's a flashback.
They're both correct, but the second version makes for better writing in fiction because once you've established the timeline, it's sometimes all right to slip back into past simple. However, to be technically correct, it would be the first version. Personally I'd go with the second.
