1. Stammis

    Stammis Senior Member

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    What is this?

    Discussion in 'General Writing' started by Stammis, Jan 2, 2016.

    I tried to write about an experience I had with a foreign girl while I lived in Cambodia, though I was not quite as blunt as in the text I still rejected her advances. I wanted to write a song that had meaning to me but instead lead to this.

    I am not looking for critique but rather if someone could tell me what this is? Is this something? a short poem, a first draft to a song? or just some words put together that happen to kind of rhyme? Keep in mind that I have no experience writing either songs nor poems, that is why I am asking.

    In a different world she took me in

    her home, her sanctuary she let me in

    But her past loomed dark behind her smile

    In a new world she wanted to begin


    She saw me as a ticket out

    Yet I was blinded of her plight

    Her heart which was extended to me, I rejected with a loud plea

    Her kindness, rooted in fear

    I denied her with a heart full of cheer

    Down that path I didn’t want to go

    To the path of family and stuck at home


    It started serious but became kind of amusing at the end there.
     
  2. BayView

    BayView Contributor Contributor

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    In the absence of accompanying music, I wouldn't call it a song. So assuming you've worked to make the words the best they can be and to express your ideas most effectively, I'd call it a poem. Absent that effort, I'd call it a bunch of words stuck together.
     
  3. Stammis

    Stammis Senior Member

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    Haha yeah, makes sense. I read an article a few minutes ago that basically explains what a poem is, and a poem is a thing made. I guess my text is a thing so it is a poem.

    Its a good article but I am not sure about the rules of creating links so I am not gonna.
     

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