1. Damage718

    Damage718 Senior Member

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    What's a good way to slow down the pace without using too much exposition?

    Discussion in 'Plot Development' started by Damage718, Jul 24, 2020.

    Maybe this is a common problem? Maybe not.

    I realize this may be a challenge without me posting excerpts, but please bear with me. :cool:

    In a couple chapters in my WIP (a collection of short fic) I keep running into the same problem that may be starting to drive my editor mad :p where the MC spends a lot of time walking around and exploring dark, empty houses that have fallen into disrepair. (Two different stories, but similar thematic scenes...MC is alone, wandering through a house.)

    In my first draft, the pacing in these scenes were too rushed and I wasn't describing their explorations enough. Now, there may be too much exposition and sentences have become too long, AND my editor hinted that I'm in a trap of thinking I'm showing, but I'm still telling too much. I've fixed this habit in other chapters, but not in these...and it's frustrating.

    How can I break this? I'm still awaiting her revisions, but I can already sense what she means. Like I'm explaining just to explain, or I've slowed down the pace TOO much. Generally speaking, what's a good way to slow it down and make the scene feel atmospheric without getting too boring and not making the story too short?
     
  2. Aled James Taylor

    Aled James Taylor Contributor Contributor

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    If you want to show the MC being in no hurry, the first thing I'd say is; describe the surroundings. In doing this, it's tempting to make a comprehensive account of what he/she sees. Don't do that. If a detail is not noteworthy, don't make a note of it. Imagine being there. What catches your eye? What do you find interesting and why is it interesting to you? Write about those things. Make deductions, tell a story. Peeling wallpaper reveals a variety of fashions in interior decoration over the decades. What are they? What might the rooms have been used for? Above all, tell the reader something interesting. There is no such thing as a passage that's too long. If the reader feels it's too long, it's because it too boring.
     
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  3. SethLoki

    SethLoki Retired Autodidact Contributor

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    I've suffered the same with my doings. Skipped and left readers confused then later weighted my pen with an inordinate burden of proof. Discovered the latter's better for pruning/fixing if you leave your work alone for a fortnight before sending it off to editor. Effectively, slow your own pace as a writer and allow yourself distance. Amazing what fresh eyes can pick up.
     
  4. Xoic

    Xoic Prognosticator of Arcana Ridiculosum Contributor Blogerator

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    It's a situation where he would naturally be taking his time. At least the way I'm imagining it, not knowing if it's the same way you see it. I'm seeing a fairly destroyed house, that's probably had homeless people living in it and might even now, so he'd want to be careful exploring it. There could be graffiti on the walls, smashed windows, holes broken through walls, a collapsed ceiling in places maybe—broken beer bottles all over, plus god knows what people might have dragged in there. He'd have to worry about animals possibly sheltering in there etc.

    Plus just describing his thoughts and what he sees would tend to slow it down I think, if you really stop and think about what it would be like.
     
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  5. Damage718

    Damage718 Senior Member

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    That's exactly what I've done. I've described what the MC's are seeing. The empty, damaged rooms. The broken windows. The torn curtains. The sparse, overturned furniture. Icy drafts blowing in from outside, etc. But I fear I went from too rushed/not interesting, to too slow/overdone lol.

    Again, I won't know exactly what the errors are until I get the revision back. I'm just struggling to find that sweet spot where I'm showing the right amount of action where there isn't any "traditional action" -- it's just one character, alone, in an empty house. Not the easiest thing to make compelling, even if the house is falling apart and possibly haunted.
     
  6. jannert

    jannert Retired Mod Supporter Contributor

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    The trick is ....I want to say 'always', but I know that's not 'always' the case ....to feed the scene through your POV character. But don't just give us a list of what he sees. Let us know how he feels about what he's seeing, hearing, smelling, etc.

    As somebody who loves to explore deserted houses (and who isn't afraid of bogey-people) I love to look at the remnants of what's there and imagine what it was like while people lived there, etc. I might worry if flooring seems unstable underfoot—and I might hesitate to go up or downstairs for that reason. I might worry about what would happen if I fell ...does anybody know I'm here? How would I signal for help? I might hate the smell of decay—or wonder about some other smell I can't quite identify. I might peer out a broken window and observe how overgrown and untended the view is, and try to imagine what it would have been like when the garden was used and tended by the occupants. I might run across a newspaper or calendar from back in the day, and see what I can read from it. The place will make me feel something (or I wouldn't be there.)

    Make the place matter to your readers, the way it matters to your MC. And if your MC finds himself feeling tense, get him to identify why that is? Does he feel like he's intruding? Or being 'watched?' Does he feel the presence of a benevolent being? A malevolent one? Is he worried about getting caught trespassing?

    That's even before we get to 'is it haunted by an actual ghost?' If it is, and he suspects it, what's he looking for? Is he hoping to see or feel a ghost? Or is he hoping that won't happen? Make the readers feel what he's feeling. And make sure we know why he's there in the first place. Is he just curious? Is he looking for something in particular?

    Don't be afraid to take your time with this, because if the readers ARE feeling what he's feeling, they'll stay on board however long it takes.

    Concentrate on what the situation is making him feel, and think. That's the trick. And you don't need to tell us 'he feels this or that.' Just re-create the experience. Make us experience what he's experiencing. If he's scared, scare us as well. If we feel fright too, we won't need to be 'told' how he feels.
     
    Last edited: Jul 30, 2020
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  7. Damage718

    Damage718 Senior Member

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    Thanks @jannert , great stuff there.

    One of these chapters is personally frustrating to struggle with, because it's first person POV based on my real-life experiences (well, in a dream, but it was me.) I can see/hear/smell/feel everything the MC does...and I know I was afraid and spooked to no end to be in the house, but I can't recall WHY. So in addition to the over-exposition, I feel I'm struggling to convey the meat of the issue. So I've thrown in some fictional elements (the ghosts & shadows) to compensate.

    It's pretty damn hard to write something that combines both reality and a dream from many years ago :eek:
     
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  8. jannert

    jannert Retired Mod Supporter Contributor

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    I suppose it's very easy to bring fear to a situation as well. Because you (in the generic sense) are scared of old houses, you will probably be scared going inside one. However, that fear isn't generated by the house, it's generated by your thoughts about the house. The house is just bricks and mortar. So concentration on what the person is afraid of, or what he thinks or fears will happen, is where to go as a writer.

    I might see a huge brown stain on wallpaper and think ...what a shame, dampness has got in. He might see the stain as ...old blood. I might find a wee mess of bits chewed from the wall or the floor and think ...mice have been making a nest here. He might think ...omigod, something is EATING the WALLS!

    Perspective matters on most things, actually. Especially the things we might consider 'irrational fears.'
     
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