1. kate zold

    kate zold Member

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    What's it called? First Person exposition directed at specific person

    Discussion in 'Word Mechanics' started by kate zold, Nov 7, 2017.

    I've been writing something in First Person, which works very well for the story as a whole, but there was something that I just didn't like about a lot of the character voice. Granted it's the first draft and fine-tuning comes later, but something kind of popped into my head. I remembered what half the premise of the plot was - the MC/narrator talking to and thinking about their dead spouse. Not constantly, but a pretty pervasive theme.

    So then I rewrote a few lines.

    The original was the ordinary First Person: I did this, I did that. The snow was deep. The Smith's house. Their home. My husband was. He would have said. He used to.

    Then the rewrite: I did this, I did that. The snow was deep. Your parent's house. Their home. You were. You would have said. You used to.

    For some reason, in my mind at least right now, this works VERY well for the intimate feel of the scene and, knowing what I'm going to write after this, I know it will work very well for that too.

    Naturally most of the book is regular First Person narrative/exposition and dialogue with either living or imagined people, but

    What Is This Called?

    Surely it has a name, some literary device. If I've read any books with these sorts of narratives sprinkled in then I don't remember it. And I have no idea if whatever this is is considered good, or confusing, or nothing out of the ordinary, or horrible.....

    In any case, thanks!
     
  2. Trish

    Trish Damned if I do and damned if I don't Contributor

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    I think you're asking about Second-Person POV? I have two works in the erotica workshop in this POV.
     
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  3. Cave Troll

    Cave Troll It's Coffee O'clock everywhere. Contributor

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    I think it is still just called exposition, no matter what POV it is.
    Though it is called breaking the fourth wall when your character
    addresses the reader directly. :)
     
  4. Seven Crowns

    Seven Crowns Moderator Staff Supporter Contributor Contest Winner 2022

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    This is a specific form of 2nd-person POV called "direct address."

    Here's a strange source for it: Yo yo yo!

    (example verse from page. Notice "I" and "you.")
    Hey well, I'm a friendly stranger in a black Sedan
    Won't you hop inside my car?
    I got pictures, got candy, I'm a lovable man
    And I can take you to the nearest star​

    Though I suppose the source is not that surprising. This POV shows up in lyrics a LOT. That would be your most common use for it. I've written a story in this voice before too. It's kind of a fun change of pace. I don't think the "article" is totally correct equating 2nd to direct address. They're not synonyms. One is a subset of the other. Maybe someone else can find a better site.

    Edit: What's up with those lyrics? Good lord! It was just cut and paste. I'm leaving them though. LOL
     
    Last edited: Nov 7, 2017
  5. kate zold

    kate zold Member

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    Thanks for the link! I would never have guessed it was 2nd... though that seems obvious now lol. I always see people saying to not ever use 2nd for regular novels and I can understand why. But I'll look around for discussions of Direct Address.

    Certainly I can see it becoming a problem when dialogue with people other than the dead spouse comes to pass. Would have to make the narrative very explicit about direction.
     
  6. OJB

    OJB A Mean Old Man Contributor

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    It is called an Apostrophe (spelled the same as the punctuation mark.) It is a Rhetorical device, where the speaker makes a direct address to an imaginary audience.
     
  7. The Dapper Hooligan

    The Dapper Hooligan (V) ( ;,,;) (v) Contributor

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    Also cook books, repair manuals, instruction booklets, and pretty much anything that's giving the reader instructions. It's used a lot of places you'd barely even notice, but it's a bit of a rarity when it comes to fiction, though I'm told Tom Robbins’ Half Asleep in Frog Pajamas is a decent example.
     
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  8. kate zold

    kate zold Member

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    [praise.gif] All the kudos, my friend. All the kudos. The wiki definition definitely sounds more like what I've been writing than anything else I've seen. Thank you!!
     
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  9. OurJud

    OurJud Contributor Contributor

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    In @Kate example, I don't see it as the narrator addressing the audience. I see it as them addressing their dead partner.
     
  10. Shadowfax

    Shadowfax Contributor Contributor

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    This doesn't really sound like 2nd person to me; it's simply a monologue without the parentheses...

    So, this creepy old geezer pulled up alongside me and started off "Hey well, I'm a friendly stranger..."

    And it's substantially the same as @OurJud 's interpretation (which I agree with) of the OP.
     
  11. kate zold

    kate zold Member

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    Precisely. HOWEVER... I was writing some more scenes in this voice and it really started to feel confusing. Even with some additions of the vocative spouse's name. And I really worry if this won't work, except for the occasional peppering within a normal 1st pov scene (which is what it started out as). It just reads awkward when it's an entire chapter. I'm going to have to dig deeper into the interwebs to find any examples in fiction. The only way I've done this before is not in narrative but in distinct thoughts (italicized) and it was very seldom.
     
  12. OurJud

    OurJud Contributor Contributor

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    I'm trying to imagine reading this kind of voice at length, and whether it would irritate me. I think in all honesty I would start to find it a little odd to have the narrator addressing their dead loved one for any prolonged period of time. It would start to sound as though the character was beginning to lose their mind.
     
  13. deadrats

    deadrats Contributor Contributor

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    I believe it's still first person. When you write a letter to someone you address them, but you are still writing in first person. In second person, there would be no I, just you and your.
     
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  14. kate zold

    kate zold Member

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    It does get heavy, awkward, and starts to sound like 2nd person.

    Who says she isn't? ;) ;) ;)
     
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