When do you end a sentence, and how do you lengthen one properly.

Discussion in 'Word Mechanics' started by waitingforzion, Dec 7, 2017.

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  1. big soft moose

    big soft moose An Admoostrator Admin Staff Supporter Contributor Community Volunteer

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    That ... and before you make the excuse that you can't afford to buy books or don't have a bookshop near by you can get 1000s of kindle books free on amazon (including classic prose as well as new books) you can also get a kindle reader for pc app free from amazon, or indeed a kindle reader for your phone.
     
  2. big soft moose

    big soft moose An Admoostrator Admin Staff Supporter Contributor Community Volunteer

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    Well no actually because she was just referring to the sentence structure ... it was you that went off on the bibles that aren't bibles riff

    Your understanding that the KJ is the best English translation may not be flawed but your dismissal of all other versions on the basis that translation introduces errors definitely is, because every bible is a translation .... in fact a translation of a translation of a translation of a transcription

    Word of mouth to Hebrew and Aramaic to Latin or Greek to Middle English to Modern English.

    However you are right that this isnt the place for a theological discussion - but it does highlight a major problem with your proposal to write an apologetics ... i.e that you don't know enough to discuss things in a learned manner and will wind up writing a diatribe about how Christianity is the one true faith instead.

    How, for example, will you answer an argument that many elements of Christianty are derived from pagan religions if you don't know about those religions , how can you defend against the view that Angels were not mentioned in Christianity until 360AD and are an absorption of the Roman deity Victoria (originally Vacuna) herself an adoption of the Greek winged victory goddess Nike, if you don't know enough about those dieties or the development of early christianty ?
     
    Last edited: Dec 9, 2017
  3. jannert

    jannert Retired Mod Supporter Contributor

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    @waitingforzion - There isn't any rule about how long a sentence should be. As you write more, you'll get a feel for how to create sentences of many different lengths, as long as you focus on what you want to say, rather than getting fixated on how you say it.

    Me? I like to vary the length of my sentences, which breaks up rhythm, but increases flow, if that makes sense. Like traveling a road by car. If you only come out of one curve and head straight into another, and then again, and again—and this pattern goes on for miles and miles—you'll get very fed up with that journey and start wishing for an occasional bit of straight road to break it up. At least I would. Any journey that contains curves, straight bits, tight curves, gentle curves, hills, valleys and changing vistas will make traveling more interesting and varied. I try to recreate that kind of journey with sentence lengths.

    Sometimes you need to step back from what you've written (I'm talking paragraphs or pages, not single sentences) and see how it all flows together. Make changes. Combine a few sentences, or shorten a couple. Don't always start the sentence with the subject, or whatever your favourite pattern is. If you find yourself repeating patterns, see what you can do to break them up. You want your readers to be thinking about the content of your writing, don't you? Not joggity joggity joggity joggity joggity joggity joggity....

    If you're looking for a formula for how to make a sentence longer, @Robert Musil 's suggestions about sentence diagramming are as good as any. But I wouldn't worry about adopting a formula yet. You obviously speak English well enough to write and get your meanings across to us here. Creative writing is more or less the same thing, so concentrate on what, rather than how. Figure out what you want to say with your writing first of all. Then say it—any old way you can. Work on the meaning until it's clear. And THEN start to worry about how it reads/sounds, and edit changes accordingly.

    And good luck! I'd say worry less and create more. The more you have to work with, the easier the editing will be.
     
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  4. The Dapper Hooligan

    The Dapper Hooligan (V) ( ;,,;) (v) Contributor

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    If you want to make sentences longer, you should try reading some James Joyce. Ulysses has one that comes in at over 3500 words long. Virginia Wolfe is also known for long sentences.
     
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  5. ChickenFreak

    ChickenFreak Contributor Contributor

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    I'm going to offer some long sentences from Rumer Godden's book China Court. It was published in 1961, so it violates my "within the past 50 years" rule by six years.

    As I see it, each of these sentences goes on for a while and ends with a sort of breathless feel--you'd have trouble reading them aloud. Each one covers a single thought, but some of them get some of that length by stretching away from that thought, and then snapping back again.

    Now, Rumer Godden has a very distinctive style. I don't know if it's a "love it or hate it" style, because I love it, but anything I love this much has to be something that someone else can hate. Even if you love it, elements of it are a tightrope act that can't just be easily imitated.


    ======

    There has always been a rumour in the village that he has Gypsy blood and this, with the gossip that he is in reality Eustace’s father, might explain the magnificent and unexpected darkness of the two youngest of Eustace’s brood, Jared and Damaris, though they do not look Gypsy, but as if there were a strain, from some sailor perhaps, darker than Cornish, a Venetian or Spaniard.

    ======

    Though these reasons for China Court’s name are invariably given by the village, it is from neither of them, but from the more mundane fact that the day the roof goes on, with beer for the workmen and a green bough in a chimney, is also the day Eustace – following in his uncle’s footsteps in making money – buys over the china-clay works at Canverisk.

    ======

    It has a courtyard, where the kitchen and nursery wing makes an L, but the house is decidedly not a court: it is middle-sized ‘and middle-class,’ says Eliza, but the name suits a house built on the edge of the Cornish moors that have a strange foreign flavour as they roll to the skyline, with their tors and the pale-coloured Chinese coolie-hat shapes of the sand dumps at the different china-clay works breaking the dark landscape: Stannon, Hawks Tor, Temple, and Canverisk.


    ======

    It was odd that Mrs Quin, who has done less in the village than any other lady of China Court – Adza with her soups and visits, or conscientious Anne, or Bella with her Red Cross lectures and Workers’ Adult Education courses – should be the one St Probus loves, perhaps the first it really accepts; though Great-Uncle Mcleod is village-born, the Eustace Quins when they come from Devonshire are reckoned as foreigners in St Probus, foreigners from England.

    ======
     
  6. Shadowfax

    Shadowfax Contributor Contributor

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    No, Moose, the KJ is based upon a pure manuscript which is no longer available to us, thus the current reliance upon corrupted versions.

    Curious, though, how the modern bibles say pretty much the same thing as the KJ.
     
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  7. waitingforzion

    waitingforzion Banned

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    They really don't say the same thing as the KJV. In the modern Bibles many phrases are altered or missing, and whole verses are missing. The verses in the modern Bibles often do not say the same things as the verses in the KJV.

    We still have the manuscripts that the KJV was translated from. They are part of the majority texts. The modern translations are based on the minority texts, manuscript fragments which largely differ from one another and contradict one another. The majority texts are numerous, and are not mere fragments, and they all agree perfectly with one another, differing only slightly, as in the spelling of words.
     
  8. big soft moose

    big soft moose An Admoostrator Admin Staff Supporter Contributor Community Volunteer

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    Going off topic but the following is a list of the English language bible versions based on the Textus Receptus (from wiki)

    English translations[edit]
    Also of note The Textus Receptus was established on a basis of the Byzantine text-type, also called 'Majority text', however Daniel B. Wallace enumerated that in 1,838 places (1005 are translatable) where Textus Receptus differs from the Byzantine text-type. Dean Burgon, one of the main supporters of the Textus Receptus, declared that the Textus Receptus needs correction. He suggested 150 corrections in the Textus Receptus Gospel of Matthew alone.
     
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  9. Seven Crowns

    Seven Crowns Moderator Staff Supporter Contributor Contest Winner 2022

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    Sentences don’t sit on the page like islands. The shape of one depends on its neighbor. That’s how you build rhythm. The flow picks up this rhythm from length, structure, voice, purpose, imagery, terseness, clarity, etc. Each sentence is a single idea that is a piece of the paragraph’s greater whole. You can have two sentences that are Pulitzer-perfect, but when placed beside one another, they’ll fail. So keep that in mind.

    For a long sentence (or a long paragraph, or a long phrase, or even a long scene) you start at point A and move toward point B. You don’t jog backwards and repeat yourself or point back to some idea that’s already been made *. Think of it as a camera taking in a scene. You can zoom in, zoom out, or pan. But the motion keeps in one direction. You don't do a little of each or the viewer gets lost. It'll wind up looking like that Schumacher Batman movie.

    (I have a mind to post that horrible scene.)

    When writing sentences this is called a rightward-branching structure. It moves forward with the idea. Its counterpart is the leftward-branching sentence. And yeah, there’s an in-between called the middle-branching. I think what you’re doing is writing leftward-branching sentences, and your readers are sensing that repetition and are zeroing in on the length, which is more of a symptom than a cause.

    Here's an excerpt about left-branching sentences from a book I'm reading:

    Having highlighted the strength of left-branching sentences, I must give a caution: if they are misused, or overused, you will bore, alienate, or infuriate your audience. For instance, the following left-branching sentence refuses to get to the point, flustering any reader trying to finish it; like before, I have underlined the first word of each phrase and italicised the main clause:

    In the fading light, under the mossy ruins of a fallen willow, hoping against hope that she would show up dressed in that red sundress that hugged her curves, praying he wouldn't fumble as he reached for the ring in his pocket, Jason sat.

    What an anticlimax! All that fluff and melodrama. All that hoping and praying. And for what? For Jason sat?​

    I’m not going to knock myself out on explaining it all, because frankly you shouldn’t rely too much on forum posts (and I’m very busy getting word counts on the page today, this is just a diversion for me). Go find some authorities on these types of structures. I think you’ll find what they say very enlightening.

    Here’s the one I’m reading now. Be warned. It’s not overwhelming, but they’re not messing around with basics either:

    https://www.amazon.com/dp/0987553062/?tag=writingfor07a-20

    I think on top of this, you're using a technique called anastrophe a lot, which is leftward-branching on the phrase-level. That causes even more inversion. It's like paprika, great in small doses, but not as a garnish for everything. (Paprika, that's a good movie!) Anyway, it's not a mistake in itself. It's like all those long sentences clustered in a uber-paragraph. They fall together in strange ways. So just measure carefully.

    * Everything I say can be broken for effect. Or not really broken, because no technique ever gets broken. It gets used as a negative. You use its absence.

    I'm sorry for this . . . I have to do it.
     
    Last edited: Dec 12, 2017
  10. JLT

    JLT Contributor Contributor

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    I don't have much to add to this excellent discussion except that AFAIK, none of the Greek or Hebrew texts we have of the Bible had punctuation as we know it, so parsing the text into sentences was something done by the translators, who were trying to convey the text breaks into patterns familiar to their languages.

    (That's a mighty long sentence, isn't it?)
     
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