1. Robert_S

    Robert_S Senior Member

    Aug 25, 2013
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    Where to put a piece for critique that doesn't fall into a specific category.

    Discussion in 'Support & Feedback' started by Robert_S, Dec 31, 2014.

    I've finished with a tough piece of dialog between main character and protagonist. I'd like to get some other eyes on it, but it's a graphic novel script, not movie, so there's no action, only moments in time stills.

    It's part of a scifi graphic novel, but the scene isn't completely fleshed out. I tend to focus on dialog on first pass, then go back and work on scene details.

    So, I'm wanting to know if the dialog grabs people and gets them interested, while answering the questions of the main character and showing a change in him.

    Where should I go with this?
  2. GingerCoffee

    GingerCoffee Web Surfer Girl Contributor

    Mar 3, 2013
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    Ralph's side of the island.
    If it's a script (how does one write a graphic script?) or a novel, I'd put it in whichever one applies and just note at the top it is graphic novel.
  3. Robert_S

    Robert_S Senior Member

    Aug 25, 2013
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    Looks very similar to a movie script, but you describe the still scene, actions that have happened as opposed to actions happening.

    PAGE 1
    The scene takes place aboard the Atlas (not yet named this) as
    it orbits Earth.
    DANTE has undergone surgery to install a cybernetic implant
    that's given him the memories and experiences of those who also
    carried the implant. However, as a common side-effect, the these
    memories are manifesting as personas of past Ro'shaan. BES is
    trying to quell the personas through Q&A.

    PANEL 1
    Room: Space
    Large panel, shot from medium orbit above Earth.
    The Atlas passes over the sun lit South Pacific in a East to
    West equatorial orbit with Earth taking up the left half or so
    of the panel. Australia, New Guinea, Indonesia show through the
    dingy atmosphere of a polluted Earth.
    NOTE: BES and Dante, the new Ro'shaan, speak in the Consortium's
    interchange language, so all dialog between the two is in <>.

    <What do you remember?>

    <What am I supposed to remember?>

    <Do you remember your name?>

    PANEL 2
    The Room: Inquisition Room. Rectangular with a sliding door to
    panel right and floor to ceiling one way mirror running the
    length of the wall in front of Dante, separating this room from
    the observation room. With the exception of the mirror and chair
    in the middle of the room, the area is bare of any distractions.
    Straight on shot, medium panel.

    DANTE rests his hands on the arms of the chair, leaning slightly
    forward and looking tense as if ready to jump to his feet and
    begin railing against the moment. His head and face are shaved
    clean and he's barefoot wearing silk lounge clothes with a tied
    wrap around tunic of a soothing, perhaps bland color, beige or
    off-white. BES traipses a circle around him, wearing similar
    clothes, her long red hair hanging thick and wavy to the middle
    of her back.
    He looks to his left where she was, but has since started to
    pass behind him going to his right.

    <I am Ro'shaan Kahl.>

    <No. That was a previous life. You are
    Ro'shaan Dante now.>
    (new bubble)
    <Do you remember the name of your

    PANEL 3
    Room: Observation room (there will be an observation lounge
    later, but this is a room). An observation room, long and narrow
    with one side entirely made of glass (or some similar
    transparent material used for the one-way mirror). Angled panels
    near the ceiling on the glass wall show vitals for Dante (heart
    rate, blood pressure, neural signals, etc). A sliding pneumatic
    door in the background (Stewart's right) allows entry.
    Medium panel, left side shot.
    Stewart stands in front of the window looking in. Her hair is
    tied up in a rear bun.

    What are you two saying? I don't
    understand the language.

    He believes he is a past Ro'shaan.
  4. Wreybies

    Wreybies The Ops Pops Operations Manager Staff Supporter Contributor

    May 1, 2008
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    Puerto Rico
    The closest area is going to be scripts. The format is not exactly the same, clearly, but it's as close as we come to dealing with graphic novels.

    I wonder why we don't have an area for graphics novels and comics... o_O

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