Discussion in 'Word Mechanics' started by PBrady, Jan 16, 2014.
Any ideas of words to refer to this?
Currrently have a dollop, but I'm sure there are better words.
dallop, blob, glob, squirt, shot,
play around with the sentence see what works best with the character
Thanks for the suggestions.
Was trying to think of something that worked well in a the middle of a section that was becoming sensual.
All of the words I could think of, and some suggested, gave the wrong kind of feel.
I may have to just have "filled his palm with shower gel" rather than " he poured a generous dollop/blob/squirt/shot of shower gel into his hand".
I was starting to get a "the night was wet/damp/moist" moment.
How about, "He poured a generous mound of shower gel into his hand."
To me the word mound implies a heap of dry or hard material.
You're trying to describe something pretty ordinary, despite the context it's being used in. Why not just write, "He poured a generous amount of shower gel into his hand."?
Your own idea is even better. Fewer words, too.
Probably will end up with something like this, although I'm sure that I can find a good word eventually. I may just have to make one up; with a large glooze of shower gel in his hand...
If you're writing an erotic/sexy scene, I think you're overwriting this part. Just say she poured the shower gel into his hand. Adding "glooze" or focusing on the mound of shower gel isn't in itself erotic.
Just tried a thesaurus and am liking the word glob.
My point exactly.
Ever get the feeling the forums are not being utilised to their full potential?
How about a globule of gel; a slather of gel; a voluminous, bulbous slug of shower gel?
That's more like it. I had ended up side-stepping that little bit, however I think it can go back in refreshed and invigorated.
Please don't use "glob" - that sounds horrible. Not sensual in the slightest, sorry.
How about something like: "He poured the silky gel onto his palms" or "He slathered the cold, scented gel all across my body, his hands sliding down the curves of my flesh."
Try something that implies some sort of touch - you wanted sensual. Glob suggests nothing of the sort. Sensual would have to include an adjective that allows you to imagine the way it feels. I'm inclined towards cold and silky, if you hadn't noticed.
So here are mine: smooth, soothing, scented, silky, cold, refreshing, perfumed, slippery, thick, shimmer, opaque....
Personally, if you really wanted to emphasise the sensuality of the gel, you're gonna need several other sentences describing the way the gel moves on your character's body and what she imagines while she's at it. If these lines were effective, there's a chance you may not need and adjective proceeding the shower gel at all.
Either way, just make sure the adjective is something you can feel, smell or at least see. I'd say sight is the least important one here. Stick with feel or smell. Don't use generic ones that says nothing of the texture of the gel or its effects on the skin.
Heed this advice, please. If you're focusing on describing the viscous nature of shower gel, you're detracting from any sensuality there is, was, or going to be.
If you want to be sensual (because I agree with @chicagoliz), switch the whole approach.
The shower gel cooled his hot palm, but only briefly.
Maybe not that exactly but at least something more sensual, less telling.
Shower gel is rather a feminine product, something more masculine might be the foam of a soap like Imperial Leather.
I like this best. One possible thing to consider is that while "gel" is the name of the substance, it also has a descriptive vibe--you're effectively getting the adjective "gelatinous" for free, so you may not need anything else.
It could be shower creme or foam, rather than gel. Gel is distinctly unsensual, formulaic and functional, for me. And it should definitely be squeezed, then lathered!
This question made me think momentarily of the instructions on the side of a toothpaste tube that implore you only to use a pea-sized drop, and wonder whether even that could ever be made sensual?!
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