She perched on the sun soaked river bank like a queen, her branches the veil that parted in the wind to allow her admirers a glimpse of perfection. For over a century she had ruled there, lording it over the less majestic pines and cedars, a pearl among the pebbles.
Turns out, I can't do the sonnet. It had sacred hollies, cedars of Lebanon, ghostly Russian birches, mighty German oaks... but it just wouldn't jell. Sorry.
Is it semantically correct to use the term "intertwining" here? Her intertwining branches cascaded in all directions, like the errant tresses of an exotic dancer
Yes. Don't take this the wrong way, but you seem awfully concerned about whether words you are using are semantically correct. Any dictionary should give you examples of how to correctly use words. If you worry about every word you're unfamiliar with, you're not going to get very much writing done.
English is his second language and if I understand correctly he's using this thread just to learn about proper semantics and word usage. I don't think he's writing stories.
I want to write. But I want to do it the right way. What is wrong with attaining perfect command of these beautiful words? This forum and its members are great! Actually, I write short stories, but I have not published anything yet.
What about if gnarled was used in describing a comparative? I am thinking along the lines of “The stoic and ancient tree stood as guardian to the lands below, wearing centuries of untold history upon its weathered and worn surface much as the aged battle worn soldier wearily wears his scarred and gnarled skin, with only him fully knowing and comprehending the immense strength of effort required to still be standing now, so strong and proud.”
I like it, but I'd throttle it back just a little. 'Wearily wears' is too many wea's; 'immense strength of effort' is too many words for 'fortitude'. A sketchy approximation of the poem I was thinking of for the willow: I have seen many trees in many lands, but it was you I carried in my heart. Watching a ghost army of birches disappear in snow along the Volga plain, brought to mind your serenity. Sheltered by a generous old mango on the slope of Mount Mawma, I remembered the comfort of your shade. Pricked by the holly in the sacred grove of Avalon, I bled the colour of its berries and recalled the softness of your leaves. I marveled at the thrusting spires of Lombardy's fabled poplar trees and missed your modest, gentle grace. My willow, I bring home these weary bones to be at peace at last among your roots. I know it's crap as a poem; just illustrating POV.
Ahh yes, I can see that now looking closer. Maybe something more towards ‘solemnly’ rather than ‘wearily’. I can see ‘fortitude’ being an excellent replacement just as it is for the 'immense strength of effort' portion as well. Cheers! If crap can be written as such I tip my cap to you sir! I have a long ways to travel...
What a weak-minded generation we are, indeed! Old Will could pop sonnets out by the litter, on any topic, woke from a wine-soaked sleep, and we can't whelp a single rhyme among us!
