"Wakey, wakey... Get up!" (Any time). "You're late!" (Any time). "'Something' happened and I won't make it. Sorry." (During shooting schedule). "Smoking is bad for you." (Any time). "Ticket." (Whenever I got none). "We're out of coffee. Go get some." (Right after I get out of bed). "We're out of cigarettes. Go get some." (Right after I get out of bed). "We're out of money. Go get some." (Right after I get out of bed). "Namaste." (Pou' maste, re malaka? Explanation: In greek "namaste" sounds like saying "here we are". What I wrote translates as "where at, you jerk off?"? It just sounds too pretentious to me and ironic at the same time. It's not so oftenly used but I detest it perhaps due to the kind of people around me that use it).
"Hey y'all, watch this!" "We need to talk." (related to above) "Do you have a minute?" "I don't think it's supposed to be that color." "Don't worry, it'll fit."
"You'll feel a little pressure." "Pull up and wait, and we'll bring it out to you." "Do you know why I pulled you over, sir?"
Just relax, it'll only hurt for a moment. Uh-oh, I think it's your turn to drive. All of our customer service representatives are busy at the moment, but if you'll just stay on the line someone will be available to help you shortly.
I tended bar one summer cash under the table. Saturday days in a complete dive. State law didn't say everybody behind the bar had to be licensed, but there had to be at least one licensed bartender (probably a ratio for big places, IDK) on duty at all times. So one day a new guy comes in, mid-40s, no issue, but when I ask him what he'll have he pulls out a badge and says he's from the county liquor commission and on an inspection. I tell him I'm brand new, never had an inspection before and don't remember the procedure but whatever he needs to do. All he did was took a quick look around from the customer side, checked a few boxes on a form he had, and asked me to sign it. I'm not a legible writer on the best of days, but I'd defy anyone who saw that signature to even assign it to a specific linguistic family. I left a note in the office for my boss and told my relief when he got in, but nothing else ever came of it, praise be to the scale semi-truck tire that's sitting on my desk right now.
It's on my desk. I'm not one to bother deities, so I prefer a more traditional system of glorifying inanimate objects when events seem to warrant.
I have some far-right friends and most of the time they're just fun and games, but once in a while they'll start talking about how Jews are ruining the world (I do not sympathize with these views), and I just kind of become the child of two fighting parents, except that the parents agree with each other and are looking to me.
"You have a doctor's appointment scheduled on..." "Yo, man, can you loan me a dolla, bruh?" "Excuse me, I'm working with [save the fucking world foundation number 100k] do you have a minute?"
American Football must be your worst nightmare. I swear half the commentary is about holes and penetration. It's like they're doing it on purpose.