To put the title into context a little, this isn't my first story, but it will be my first attempt at something serious, rather than what I mostly write which is fan fiction. I'm also posting this because I've done some research regarding the type of story I want to write. I'm fairly close to starting, even contemplating the dreaded 'page 1'. There are three things I would like to discuss here. The first is the opening itself, and the second is the character progression, and the last is time progression. 1. With the opening, I know how much hangs on the first few sentences. This is where you establish things like mood, tone, pace, the setting, the main character, the initial conflict, and more. It's here that most books keep or lose readers. To that end I'd like to post two openings I'm considering and get some feedback. FYI, this is a medieval fantasy story. 1.1 From the balcony above, Nicodimus watched as the Duke and his men walked into the keep and thought to himself it would be so easy. A single object, that's all it would take. Something heavy like a stone that 'accidentally' fell, and the pompous man would trouble his family no more. As he stood there scowling, slender hands of fair complexion wove their way around his chest from behind as long curls of chestnut hair fell over a shoulder. Eyes closed and with a deep breath the scent of lilacs filled Nicodimus' nostrils, bringing with it a gentle smile. 1.2 From the balcony above, Nicodimus watched as the Duke and his men walked into the keep. The mere sight of the man brought a scowl to his face as this 'noble' always proved to be a herald of misfortune for House Loradi. It also infuriated Nicodimus that his father always excluded him from these meetings, but the last thing they needed was the Duke finding out... too much. The house treasury would no doubt be lighter for the Duke's visit, and as always it would fall to him to find a way to fill it again. "Gods I hate that man," Nicodimus said, absentmindedly rolling a gold coin over the back of his fingers. 2. To cut to the chase, the story won't end well for Nicodimus, and in researching this, I came across a website that detailed a good formula for a 'character fall' arc. Namely a means to develop a realistic character and series of events. Goes a little something like this. Establish Flaw Add Positivity Tragedy Wrong but reasonable response Punish Choice- possible new flaw Rinse and repeat Offer redemption 2.1 While this does seem like a solid progression arc in terms of what I'm looking for, a friend I recently talk with also pointed something else out as well. If the tragedy involves the loss of a loved one such as fiancee/wife. Don't portray them as being so in love/affectionate before the tragedy because it's rather cliche. I've either not noticed this, or am so used to it in novels it just didn't register, opinion? 3. How do you handle passing years worth of time in a story? When the story starts off, Nicodimus is in his late teens, and it ends several decades later. The reason being he becomes a mystic, and this obviously isn't something that happens overnight. Also I wanted this to be a single origin story for the character, not an entire saga. Basically I'm looking for a way to pass decades of time without completely destroying the flow of the story, or going into overkill on details regarding his years of tutelage.
1/ I don't much like either version. The first is too confused; too much feelings. He scowls, he breathes deeply, he smiles gently. He goes from resenting the duke (incidentally, don't capitalise it - only if it's a title such as Prince Andrew, Duke of York) to having soft mushy emotions when he's attacked from the rear in the blink of an eye; is he really that easily distracted by a woman's wiles? The second is too political; to much explaining the reasons for his resenting the duke. I'd suggest starting with: "Gods, I hate that man." Nicodimus rolled the gold draken across the back of his hand, his gaze intent upon the scene in the courtyard below. I've used a beat instead of an direct attribution. And I've shown that his coin-handling is absent-minded rather than telling. And by naming the coin (the fact that he's handling it and that it's gold is enough of a hint that it's a coin) I've hinted that this isn't quite taking place in downtown New York. And I've got into the action, and his feelings, a little more quickly. Now, new paragraph and paint the scene around the duke, because we care about who it is whom Nicodimus hates. 2/ I'm not a great one for 8-point character arcs. Just write it, already! If it works for you, go for it, but I can't be any help here. 3/ As far as passing time goes, you're going to need to leap from year to year, or decade to decade. One way you can do this is by having people dying, being born, coming to the monastery and Nicodimus feeling something (distaste/disdain/irritation/envy/???) about these upstarts...
Don't get hung up on your beginning. Just pick one and carry on writing. Chances are by the time you finish you'll have decided to start somewhere else anyway.
Of the two, I prefer the first one because the second reads a bit too much like trying to rush information at the audience rather than letting the story unfold. I agree with @Shadowfax though that this could be smoothed over too, but there's enough in it that I would be intrigued to read on. I'm afraid that I don't have much advice for the time trouble, its difficult without knowing which parts of his life will be important to your plot. I would just say that I think skipping forward is ok as long as it follows and makes sense. Finally, I have to agree with your friend about the cliche romance. I guess a lot of people make the love appear perfect partly because then it is all the more tragic when it is taken away, but also because the MC probably would look back on it through rose tinted glasses and put their lover on a pedestal - especially if they feel guilty. But a relationship that isn't perfect would make it more realistic, and for me as a reader it would make a death sadder because it feels like you've lost a real person and not just a plot-driving trope. You could then either make your MC feel even more guilty thinking about all the things they should have done in the relationship to add to their frustration, or you could show how the way they remember it as perfect wasn't what it was really like. Anyway, hope this helps, good luck with it!
For passing time, why not have a Part I, Part II, and Part III, labeled as such? If the story has a calendar, you could also put the year-span in the parts. Like Part I: 757-759, Common Calendar. Part II: 762-768. Failing that, I think it works OK to start a new chapter already years ahead, and the first page or two has concrete details that make the passage of time very clear. Like the male lead having new scars, a beard, wrinkles, or the clothes of his station.
You can always intertwine the two. If you have parts that you feel belong in the story you, I would suggest that you put it all together and then cut the fat later. Sometimes meaningless characters and moments become more important to me as I write, and I'm glad that I have something to look back on. Other times I look back and wonder why that's there. lol
Too much thought in making the first paragraph The World's Greatest Hook. Shadowfax opens with the best sentence. Well done. All of those steps in '2' just make me think whatever you write will be contrived to fit in those neat little categories. I don't work that way, but then not everyone writes the same. I get the feeling that you think the first go-round has to be exceptional. Just write the thing! I've started out with paragraphs and entire chapters I was certain a book had to have and wound up chopping them on the first or second edit. A good story will tell you where to begin...and exactly where to end.
Don't sweat the passage of time. End one chapter before the leap, and start the next after the leap. By stating the passage of time in the first or second sentence of the next chapter, the reader will get it: It's been ten years since the (MC) walked the streets of his kinsmen. Some faces looked familiar, but none could he recognize.
