Hello guys, it is my first time posting on this website, but I had a question about world building. Aside from the main character going about finding more on the world, I thought it would be nice to once in a while show other characters discussing their environmental circumstances far removed from the main character, although not unrelated. When I did this, there was a backlash from some of the readers who just wanted to see more of the main character and for me not to do these 'useless perspective shifts'. My question is, was I wrong in how I did it? My immediate thought was that I didn't write the world interestingly enough for those people to want to know more about it. So could anyone give me some tips or advice to write from other character's perspectives? To make it enjoyable even if the Main Character isn't there? Thank you
I don't think that a reader is going to be interested in a part of the world that isn't important to the plot, no matter how cool it is. Was there a plot reason for these POV shifts?
To set up the next part of the story. I am currently writing fantasy and wanted to establish the power range of an enemy. In this case it was a rampaging stone golem. To do this, I wrote in the point of view of a footsoldier going up against this monstrosity. How impossible it would be to take this down. It was headed in the direction of where the main character resided. I mean, if I didn't write this part, it would only end up being that a sudden massive monster appears out of nowhere.
I have an idea of what went 'wrong,' but before I dive into it, what exactly did you describe with this perspective character?
Was the golem in the scene the specific one being sent after the MC? But in any case, if the MC is surprised when the monster appears, I think that it's good, not bad, for the reader to be equally surprised.
My mistake, I'll clarify. The Golem wasn't actually in the scene. It was a footsoldier, a scout, that was reporting back to his captain about what he saw. About how his entire squad was torn apart and how they sacrificed themselves to get the information back. He describes how big the golem was, about fifty metres, which is like trying to fight a walking skyscraper with bendy straws and firecrackers. The captain speculates that because golems are artificially created, there must be someone controlling the strings. Etc. Etc. The scout pleads with his captain not to fight the behemoth because everyone would just end up dying. The captain replies that it is his job to and leaves. The main character in this instances knows nothing about this. The golem is not particularly going after the main character either. I didn't write this part in the story, but to the shadowy people who sent this golem, it was basically just a weapon field test. So the story is this. A golem is rampaging across the country side, where the main character lives. It's actually not a coincidence that the golem is headed to where the main character is, but also unrelated to them. There is a group of soldiers who has a job to put down this murderous golem.
I agree that this isn't necessary. If a golem is rampaging across the countryside, why not get the news to the MC through rumors?
It seems to me that a move like this would kill the momentum of whatever's going on with the mc just to interject seemingly pointless tidbits. Unless you make it clear that this is about the mc in some way, to add in the tension of what will happen when the golem reaches the mc, all you're doing is cutting away from the story to let people the reader doesn't know talk about something they have no reason to care about.
Because the golem literally only got there like half a day ago in an isolated forest/mountain area. Only the soldiers know due to patrols. I wanted the villains to seem more omnipresent. Like they can create these massive destructive constructs anywhere at anytime with no one realizing it until it was too late.
I'm not seeing the value in giving the reader that information before it's directly relevant to the plot.
Well, unless some of the characters in this scene, particularly the POV character interact in some meaningful way with your main ensemble in the near future, this is a pretty random digression. The only way you could probably get away having this as a standalone chapter without these characters reappearing later is if it was a prologue, but I wouldn't really recommend that. Also, rumours move faster than people. If the soldiers know about it to the extent that they've dispatched troops towards it, probably everyone in a hundred kilometers has heard about it as well, even if they don't believe it.
I've planned it so the main villains only appear in documents and journal entries. Not as actual people, so no.
It is directly relevant to the plot though. Like, the soldiers, the Golem and the main character will meet up in probably like the next two or three chapters. It also establishes the capability of the main antagonists and what their plans are.
But when the reader reads it, the relevance isn't apparent. And since your readers are objecting, it seems clear that they're not feeling the relevance. How long is the sequence about the golem? Approximately how many words?
I mean, if putting the main characters well being and the wellbeing of their family by putting a gigantic Golem their way is not how you raise the stakes, then I don't know how. I honestly would like some tips. Is it really not relevant even though the one most affected by the golem is the main character? Only they just don't know it yet. As for the length of that segment. It was about 1500 words.
That's a lot of words for a relatively small amount of relevant information. The relevant information, as I see it, is: Big dangerous monster coming. Be afraid! That's important information, but it can be expressed very briefly. When you expand that to 1500 words, the reader has to care about the expansion. So, they need to care about the scout, and about the men who died, and about the captain, and about what's going to happen to the captain. They need to find the conversation between them interesting or engaging. Those 1500 words need to earn their keep. The information could instead be communicated with, say, Joe asked the barkeeper, "What are you talking about?" Fred said, "Ah, just fairy stories. People claiming they saw a giant tear some troops apart down south." "Ah." Joe nodded. "Troops just got their whiskey allotment?" "Probably. So, what can I get you?" (That's a lousy example, but you see what I mean.) So how to make the words earn their keep? Will the scout be an ongoing character? Who is he? What's he like? Is it apparent that the monster is headed for the MC? If not, how can you make it apparent with some subtlety?
I see, thanks for the advice. The scout doesn't matter, but the captain does. He is an ongoing character and I did try to expand his character as he was getting the information. It is also very apparent the monster is headed to the man characters direction.
In that case, the captain's POV should definitely be primary in the scene--I had the impression that the primary POV was the scout. In the scene, I would strongly suggest that you put more focus on the captain's personality and character than you feel is necessary--not describing personality and character, but demonstrating it with the dialogue. To you, I suspect that the scene is primarily about conveying information to the reader. But the reader's going to get that vibe, and that vibe will put them off. The scene needs to be engaging to read. So what's up with the captain? Who is he? What's he like? What goals is this golem thingie going to shatter for him? Is he old, on the verge of retirement, about to head home to his wife, and this will keep him in the field for another year? Did he just bring out a team of freshly-trained recruits because he judged that this would be relatively safe duty, and now he's going to have to deal with their low level of competence and with the guilt of seeing them all die? You don't need to put all this in the scene, but thinking it through, coming up with a lot of detail for yourself, may allow you to add the bits and pieces that you need for this scene to come to life and not just be a "Huh? Why are we here?" infodump.
And then the soldiers go for drinks. Maybe they mention what they saw, or some large prints, too deep in the ground for it to be something normal. Of course, the innkeeper who brings them drinks overhears, and one of them starts bragging to their desired romantic partner of the "great beast" they were tracking. Of course, it doesn't work, but now she knows, and she goes back to three of her friends who are also there drinking. That's how rumours spread.
Related question (I think). I've got a character who lives in the "real" world, but is also a member of a group of immortals that is incorporated into its own sub-society. I've done an okay job I think with general introduction of MC and worked in a few details about his secret life, but I'm wondering if I ever introduce a big explanation of the history and working of the organization. The story is told in first person, so I'm wondering if I could reasonably have the narrator say, "maybe i should explain something to the reader" or something like that, or have the narrator sharing his musings about his world and thereby introduce some background details. Or should it always be a matter of dropping crumbs along the way?
I agree with the 'crumb' theory, provided the crumbs are specific and really do give information (via the perspective of the POV character.) The POV character can say (or narrate) something like, "I'll say nothing when the king orders the army to attack Waterland's border again. I'll get my cohort ready for battle, just like I've done the last two times he gave that order. There's no point arguing with him, and I value my head." Or something like, "I better do what the king tells me or I'll be in trouble." The first of these statements gives a fair amount of information. The narrator is some kind of officer in an army which is at war with a place called Waterland. The narrator isn't happy with the orders he's being given, but he's pragmatic enough to know that refusing to carry them out, or arguing the toss with a powerful king is likely to result in his own execution. The second statement gives very little information in comparison. While this isn't stellar writing on my part, I hope it's an example that makes sense. If you can, use substantial crumbs!
I have a much harsher theory as to why your POV shift didn't work. It's possible that your readers didn't take the POV shift well because they flat out don't like your other characters. Maybe they find them boring or annoying. And I know that because I POV shift a lot with varying degrees of success and the connection is undeniable. When people don't like my other characters, they also don't like the POV shift. And they could have disliked the character for a number of different reasons. They might have found the character boring. Or annoying Maybe they just don't see why this character is even there. Maybe I went 200+ pages without really establishing their purpose in the book and so a POV shift just feels like I'm that mom that makes you play with the kid you don't like with the excuse of "Well, you just need to get to know each other." Yeah, people don't take that too well. However, when I did have characters just as likable as the main character, audiences liked the POV shift. They were more likely to see the POV shift as essential and welcoming. Brandon Sanderson does POV shifts, but he has a strong cast of characters, so you don't mind when the first book switches from Kaiser to Vin to Eland to some of the other characters. The second book in the Abhorsen series by Garth Nix shifts between two characters, but they're both likable enough that it's actually kind of fun. Chronicles of Narnia has POV shifts, but you like the characters, so you don't mind. A Brave New World shifts POVs but it works, again because the characters are strong. It's very hard to see a purpose behind a POV shift when you don't like the characters.
