WARNING: RAMBLING AND MENTIONS OF RAPE AHEAD! If you want, you can scan through the following and then read more closely the section labeled in bold. Thanks! I have a “slice of life” almost story idea whose premise is set up to be a story about an undergraduate freshman adapting to college, but is truly about a child's coming-of-age story, where he learns how relationships work in the mature world and, especially, how to advocate for himself as a free-thinking adult. The basic premise is that this 18-year-old kid wants to go out to college, especially after being homeschooled, but his mom has extreme anxiety and is against the idea, especially since he has epilepsy. In effect, she warns her son of the dangers of an outside world that wasn’t made for him. The protagonist, however, wants to take risks so he can feel truly alive. He manages to win and gets to go to college, but he and his mom are not on great terms, and though she sends him aggressive texts, he doesn’t really pay heed to them. As far as the practical side of things in college, the protagonist ends up having two different seizures, both having to do with sleep deprivation and the stress of college. A major conflict at this point is whether or not his mom was right and he should drop out of college, but the protagonist, with the support of his roommate and older brother (whom he called for advice), the protagonist begins setting goals for himself and he works on a college schedule that will enable him to succeed. This is a part of his growth as a self-sufficient adult who also has the support of his loved ones along the way. As far as relationships go…. As a result of his rigid upbringing, he hasn’t even ridden a bicycle since his first seizure at 10 years old. So, when he meets a nice girl and they become friends, the nature of their relationship is very cute and juvenile. They have fun as kids would. And yes, the protagonist gets to ride bikes with her. Things shift when the protagonist learns of her inner demons, and he thinks back to his view on relationships in the context of his older brother, who is married to a guy the protagonist never liked. Part of it probably has to do with jealousy (as his brother and him are very close), while the other part of it is the protagonist’s own observations of his brother’s husband’s behavior, even back when the brother and husband were just friends. The protagonist has always been wary of mental illness and thinks that his brother’s husband is a burden on him. So. though, he initially tries to help his friend with her issues, he is afraid of the strain her past might have on their relationship, which leads to avoidance on his part. When the girl still reaches out to him regardless, this is where the protagonist learns about the give-and-take of relationships, that not everything should be fun and cute in a relationship and everyone has their own problems. (In fact, the protagonist is conveniently denying the potential burdens the girl would have from his epilepsy.) Everyone has problems, not everything is perfect, and for relationships to be balanced as they can be, the protagonist has to “grow up” and handle everything as adult as he can. He needs to be there for the girl as much as she is there for him, even if it might be uncomfortable at times. He also reconciles with his older brother and recognizes that though the husband has been personally struggling, he still has a lot to offer to his brother and that since his brother is a literal adult (four years his senior), he can make his own decisions. The protagonist also needs to let go of his clinging to him if he’s supposed to be a more independent adult. This where I'm thinking about including this potential, final scene. You know how in college, avoiding drinking too much and rape and all that is a major theme? I know in my college, as soon as we were orientated as freshman, we discussed rape statistics and how to be safe. Rape of this nature is mostly attributed to young girls. While it is a severe problem among girls, it can certainly happen among men, too. And if college is the bogeyman the protagonist mother’s makes it out to be, it would be a hotspot of trauma for the protagonist, right? But the main trauma the protagonist would experience would happen off-campus, showing that one shouldn’t be wary of college, but of life in general--and some of these things you just can’t control or avoid, so you gotta persevere in spite of it. Anyways, the warnings of partying and rape are taught to the students near the beginning of the book, but only come up again near the end. He meets up with an old friend from his childhood, who attends school elsewhere. They hit it off and they drink a bit. The “old friend,” however, takes advantage of the fact that the protagonist’s antiepileptic medication enhances the effects of alcohol. So the “friend” brings the protagonist back to his apartment and rapes him. The emotional trauma and signs of physical abuse understandably affects the protagonist, and eventually, as he is tearfully telling his RA about it, he has a seizure. As a result, the RA makes the decision to call an ambulance so he could at least get treated for the physical side of his sexual abuse. I was thinking of using this trauma as a way for the protagonist to advocate for himself in both bringing his rapist to justice, as well as the protagonist to gain the courage to acknowledge the dangers of life, but also to persevere in spite of it. His mom ends up being really unsupportive of the protagonist in his trauma and acts holier-than-thou, like “told you so,” while his friends and brother support him a lot. Eventually, through the protagonist’s processing of what has happened and what he plans to do about it, the protagonist finds middle-ground (or as middle as he can) with his mother and both agree that he can take on what college--or, more accurately, life--throws at him, and use it to grow as a person. Like in relationships, life has its good and its bad sides, but as the protagonist would want to grow as a person in relation to others, he has to learn that though life is rough, it is up to him to advocate for himself and what he wants/needs so he can life the best, most fulfilled life he can. My question to you guys is: does rape in this context help develop the character and connect back to the goals/questions that have been mentioned throughout? Is it an appropriate scene, or is there something better/less intense I can do to bring these themes to fruition and have the mother and son find middle-ground?
What jumps out to me is that it seems like it comes out of nowhere, thematically. This 'old friend' has never been mentioned before and so far the story has seemed to be more about relationships (romantic and familial), mental/physical illness, and independence, so it just doesn't really fit to me, from the description you've given. I'd try to come up with a catalyst that goes along with those themes a bit better. That, or tie it in better.
Would introducing the old friend sooner, and even have him transfer to the protagonist's school, help? Could I explore the same themes with this character, such as relationships, mental illness, and dependence/independence? This character could make the protagonist feel dependent on him when his goal is independence? Maybe he feels that this old friend is really dependent on him? Perhaps the protagonist has to distinguish between not only the shades of gray he has seen in relationships before, but maybe be more distinct and black/white when it comes to the harm that comes to him? That would certainly conflict with the resolution the protagonist has with mental illness from earlier. Would this be an improvement? What do you guys think? In the meantime, I will always keep brainstorming.
Thanks! Another idea that could either replace the original idea--or maybe come at the very end, following the original idea: What if the protagonist's mother becomes ill with something? The protagonist may be challenged, then, to either be sympathetic towards his mother or be vengeful and treat her in a way that he views he is treated by her. That could be a way to resolve the mom vs. son plot point. Should this replace my original idea, or would they work together to resolve separate plot problems?
They might be able to work together, but you need to think about pacing and tension. Both kind of sound like climactic events, but it depends on how you handle them. I think the mother getting ill could work to resolve both the mc dealing with her being nasty to him and the fears from the outside world threads, because after all, she was put in danger despite staying at home. He could overcome his negative feelings for her / take the high road as well as make a point about how he, out in the world, was fine, and she was the one who had a problem (bonus point if you can make it because of how she stayed inside somehow, eg something in the house made her sick). On the other hand, the potential rape plot is the kind of thing that's likely to overpower other plots. It's a heavy issue and other plots are likely to seem smaller by comparison - and that doesn't at all mean you should downplay it. But, I'm thinking if you want to include both, maybe you could integrate the 'old friend' character the way you thought of and let that play out almost the way it did before, except that the mc manages to avoid the worst of it (ech; again not to downplay any type of sexual assault) either because of the friends he's made ie they're suspicious of Old Friend and follow him or something, or at the very least they play a significant role in the aftermath and his recovery. Afterwards, he finds out his mother has gotten sick, and maybe his friends standing by / helping him helps inspire him to help her. Hopefully that makes sense. To boil it down further, what I mean is you can probably use both of these things if you can tie them into each other and make them complement each other, which I don't really think is a possibility with the rape plot as it stands now. Imo it should either be about that, or the severity of the thing should be toned down.
That's very thoughtful and definitely covers a lot of bases! I think him shooting her a "told you so" comment like what she does with his problems would be a good start to the protagonist working on how to respond to his mother in the future. The bitterness he feels from the beginning to end could come together and, along with the supports he's gotten from college, work to inform what decision he makes. It sounds like she could have a nasty fall or even a heart-attack--something that came from within. That could definitely offer even more introspection on both characters' parts. I think even more bonus points if the issue comes from within the house and within the person, herself. Because you can't exactly escape things that are bound to happen no matter where you go (inside or outside), but you can change how you respond to them. Yeah, it's definitely a really heavy issue, which is why I came to the forums in the first place. I'm not sure how to handle it--or even if I should. I see what you mean by downplaying this part, but also like you mentioned, that could run the risk of glossing over a real problem that affects so many. In addition, if I made it so that his friends conveniently come and rescue him, that could seem like a bit of a deux-ex-machina, a solution that doesn't come from the main character, himself. I don't want to take that away from him, you know? So I'm leaning more in favor to the idea of them playing significant roles in the aftermath/recovery. The thing about this scene is, now that I'm thinking about it, the protagonist's problems with his "old friend" would do well to fuel his bitterness/decision making even more when, after the mother responds poorly to his problems, he has to respond somehow to hers. Instead of using just old ammunition (being iffy about college, etc) to shut the mother down (at first), he can use fresh ammunition (the mom's response to his trauma), something that's even more relevant and poignant. Do you know what I mean? But, if I should modify the encounter with his "old friend," how could I "tone it down" without "toning it down," if that makes sense? What if I have both scenes, but I make the protagonist's response to his mother less of a climax, but more of a part of the resolution? Thanks, by the way! I really appreciate your thoughtful responses.
I like the way it sounds. I agree with Izzybot that you may want to introduce the old "friend" earlier so that it doesn't come out of nowhere, but I think it sounds interesting. I also like that your rape victim is male. I think it shines some light on the fact that men can be victims of rape too, and it'll get more people to see it as a problem and take it seriously.
Its 3 am for me correct me if I am wrong. If I read correctly the MC and older brother are both gay? You Mentioned he has a husband and is jealous? Why not nix this random "Old Friend" who rapes him and instead make it his older brother husband who does. This will make it way more personal and emotional to deal with, MC cant easily come out to say it. It will shock the reader if you make them attach to this kind gentle husband who turns out to be a sick violent rapist. Rape usually happens when there is a trust and knowing each other is involved. Also even for gay men or rapist like dominance, control and inflicting pain over others. Could make it where the MC and older brothers husband meet up, trust and personally knowing each other. Espically knowing the younger brother has epilepsy(there is different kinds do research to fit your story), after they do have their spells they cant really remember they had em at all. I know this because my mother had them, she could never remember she had one afterwards. The Gay Husband knows this, takes advantage of it. He even had a thing for his the younger brother all along and wanting sexual with both brothers. The Older brother takes a trip out of town. MC and husband get a bit drunk, he violently dominates and rapes him. Giving the husband that fix he needs for sexual dominance and making him the antogonist of your story. The story can get even worse and worse of more sexual abuse/rape by the husband. Using fear by the husband to dominate the younger brother and he is weak to come out as a victim. The MC fears ruining his brother relationship, out of fear he dosent believe him or being sexually rape victim by a other man. I believe you should nix this random "Old Friend" who has no connection to your readers. Realize your the drug dealer and your feeding that dosage drug to your readers. Get them hooked, attached to every character and let them keep coming back reading your story. Just a thought for your story.
@Odile_Blud Yep, definitely going to introduce him sooner and make him more relevant throughout! Thanks. @33percent Thanks for your interest in my story!! It's awesome you got some ideas out of it. At the same time, I'm still going to go with the friend. The brother's husband thing sounds frightening and would definitely give some insight into the very true and very scary statistic that most sexual assault/abuse is at the hands of someone you know. What's especially preventing me from rolling with it, though, is that I know the character of the brother's husband very well and it just wouldn't be in him to be a villain in that way. I'll play with that statistic in a different way--by making the "old friend" not so random after all.
It is your story, it was only a suggestion for a plot twister. The only problem I see with this old friend there is no emotional attachment or investment by your reader. It will be too much work to incorporate this character "Old Friend" into your story than keeping it simple. How relevant is he to the plot besides raping the MC? My 2 cents it's just a fill in a character. I'm guessing you're invested in this husband character quite a bit why not extend this character role in the story. Even in life you truly don't know people, who could be lovely, kind, going to church person and they live this sinister and fucked up life in secret. People like to put on a mask as if act while in public. The reason GoT is so successful because the writer heavily has the reader digest into their favorite character then kills them and fucks with their emotions. If I was reading your story and this random character "old friend" comes out of nowhere, rapes the MC. I'll be like "Ok?? and? Also, who will be your audience for this book? End of the day you're selling a product(which I think you plan to do). Think of this way, you said yourself you know this "Husband" so well, let's say you personally know him. Would it be a shocker to you that he rapes your MC? If you convinced yourself he is such a good guy and you yourself can't see himself doing this. Then my friend you got yourself the perfect villain. The main reason this husband is the best choice because he is deeply connected to all the characters in your story, family, friends etc. I can only imagine the reader's response when they find out how fucked up the husband truly is and believing such a good stand up guy he is. You want to keep the reader guessing, wanting to turn the next page what will happen next. The younger brother could be straight not gay like his older brother is, which makes it harder for him to come out that he got raped and now he forever is damaged by this. Even for straight couples can have their own fetishes. I know this one guy who was happily married to his wife, he wanted a threesome with his wife and her sister for his birthday. His wife refused, so he went behind her back and cheated on her with her own sister, and got her pregnant. Just imagine that same situation with the husband and the two brothers. Even one private everyone knew walked in on his own team leader having sex with his wife, the one who put him on staff duty but the squad leader let him go home. When I was deployed a 1SG got a private knocked up, well his career was over. There is a ton of situations you can get creative with. I would just read countless screwed up stories on relationships, doesn't matter sexual preference it is, but it gives you ideas. Read articles in the military of men on men rape that are never reported, because it's humiliating as a man to be dominated by another sexually. When I arrived in basic training, there was a report of three men gang raping one guy in the shower. Another incident of barracks rape, we had a safety brief on locking your doors at night. These two guys went door to door in ski masks, on Friday or Saturday after hours trying to find rooms that were unlocked. The ones that were unlocked, they found passed out drunk guys in their own barracks room, and of course, were raped. Of course, staff duty had to make sure our doors were locked at night in case of the boogie man rapist that was lurking in the shadows. It is sick, sinister and screwed up in all ways. If this is what your book wants to show, bringing to light men on men rape, you have to show how frightening it truly is and how it can damage and changes their lives forever. Milo even discussed how early in his life he was sexually abused in his childhood.
