1. OJB

    OJB A Mean Old Man Contributor

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    Would you read?

    Discussion in 'Plot Development' started by OJB, Apr 30, 2017.

    Following the advice of my writing teacher, I wanted to post my synopsis for a short story horror/romance I want to knock out, and get a feel on if the premise would be interesting enough for people to read. Since the internet provides me with lots of people to engage, thought I'd give it a try here.

    -
    Having had her face mutilated, Nerium, a former model and singer, wrestles with the idea of suicide after her attack, but, when she finds a strange ring, her life finds new meaning; feeling a spiritual calling, Nerium seeks out the crafter of the ring despite the fact she finds herself being pursued by ghoulish entities. Will Nerium find the creator of the ring, or will she fall victim to the things that stalk her?

    -

    Just some general questions.
    1. Would you read?
    2. If so, what would you like to see/read about?
    3. What would you not like to see/read about?

    Just trying to gauge an audience, and learn what expectations people would have going into such a thing.
     
  2. BayView

    BayView Huh. Interesting. Contributor

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    The "spiritual calling" thing feels too vague for me... there's not enough there to tell me why she's motivated, so the whole thing feels like she's doing it because she has to do it for the plot to work, rather than because of a real reason.
     
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  3. Cave Troll

    Cave Troll Contributor Contributor

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    Where cushions are comfy, and straps hold firm.
    It is a reverse Tragedy.
    A woman who has her face so severely mutilated that she
    cannot speak properly (or sing), and her modelling career
    is done because she is no longer 'beautiful'.
    It is kinda like having your entire world taken away, and
    the only thing left to do is to fight every day to find a reason
    to keep going. Many people find some form of spirituality
    after something that major happens. It is not a plot demand,
    it was a choice among many.

    Never know what you're going to do when life slams you face
    down in the dirt and takes away everything. It is almost like
    dying.

    @OJB I would give a gander.
    As for the other 2 questions,
    I don't tell others how to write
    a story.

    So Good Luck.:supersmile:
     
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  4. Odile_Blud

    Odile_Blud Active Member

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    I'm a big fan of horror but not of romance so this may be a little biased.

    Would I read? Yeah. It sounds interesting, and the horror lover in me loves the dark aspects you've described here.
    What would I like to see? I like to see some really dark stuff, lol. Like I said, I'm a horror fan so amp up the scary, amp up the disturbing, and amp up the bloody, throw that in with some interesting characters I'd love to get to know, and you've got yourself a story.

    What would I not want to see? I know you're trying to write a romantic horror, and his is going to be based on my personal opinion solely. Like I said, I'm not a fan for romance, so for me, I'd focus less on the romantic aspect and more on the horror aspect, but like I said, this opinion is going to be a bit biased based on my taste in stories, but it sounds like you've got a great story in the works.
     
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  5. BayView

    BayView Huh. Interesting. Contributor

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    I think this was fairly obvious from the summary.

    However, having read the summary, I don't find her motivation compelling. And "many people find some form of spirituality" doesn't make it any better. Possibly OJB has a more compelling reason in the actual story, but based on the summary? Not doing it for me. Too vague.

    As I said.
     
    Last edited: May 1, 2017
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  6. OJB

    OJB A Mean Old Man Contributor

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    Thanks for your thoughts Bayview. I am juggling with the idea that the person she is searching for has the capability to repair the damage to her face. The reason I didn't present that in the Synopsis is I am not sure if I want to present that info early in the story (to give a better motivation) or at the midpoint (to raise the stakes.)

    Currently, in my outline (though nothing is 100% at this time) I have three reasons for this.

    Inner personal reason: When she puts on the ring, Nerium experiences every emotion that "The Crafter" has ever felt. Due to the intimate experience, she wants to meet "The Crafter." (This is why I said Spiritual calling.)

    Inter Personal reason: "The Crafter" has the ability to restore her face.

    Outer personal reason: (This be for you horror lovers) The ring acts like U.V light, but instead of attracting insects it attracts the undead. To her horror, she is unable to remove the ring.

    Yes, Cave Troll, this is a Tragedy, and you are 100% correct about the spiritual goals this girl has.

    Like I said, I still have a lot of 'holes' to fill, and will no doubt have to rewrite this synopsis few times before I have it where it is not vague.
     
  7. Odile_Blud

    Odile_Blud Active Member

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    That sounds pretty awesome! Yeah. I'd give it a shot.
     
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  8. Soufiane

    Soufiane New Member

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    1. Would you read?
    I would definitely give it a try; I love short stories... Although I think that I'd get bored quickly if her sole drive is the ''spiritual calling''

    2. If so, what would you like to see/read about?
    It would be interesting to read it as a first person POV. Possibly quite a bit of suspense/horror.

    3. What would you not like to see/read about?
    Some chase the crafter while I'm being chased dilemma
     
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  9. Alex Brandt

    Alex Brandt Member

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    I'm into it. We all have things we'd want to change about ourselves. I can relate to that.

    I'm kinda twisted in that I'd like to see her vanity and desire to be normal become a curse, meanwhile she's not seeing all that she's gaining without her "looks." - Just my idea, I'm with CaveTroll:
    I'd have to see more of whatcha got before telling you what works and what doesn't.
    Best of luck, sounds like you're off to a good start.
     
  10. OJB

    OJB A Mean Old Man Contributor

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    Thank you, everyone, for your thoughts. It seems that the spiritual calling is not strong enough for some people to be a solid motivation (and this is a fair critique).

    I am playing around with the wording atm, but the change I am going for in the synopsis will be something along the lines of ' ...but when she finds a strange ring and puts it on her life takes a dark turn as the dead begin to pursue her. Finding she is unable to remove the ring, Nerium must seek the crafter of the ring and have him removed it before she falls victim to the dead...." A little wordy but something along those lines.

    I might make the spiritual calling part a subplot.

    I've been wrestling with what type of Tragedy I want. I am still at the part where I could 'Punish' my character for her hubris (Vanity) or I can take the Dionysian approach to Tragedy and have it as "A hero who is wrong by no fault of their own, seeks to undo their injustice, only to find death."
     
  11. BayView

    BayView Huh. Interesting. Contributor

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    The spiritual calling may be enough once it's written out in story format. Your story isn't just going to say "spiritual calling", it's going to flesh the idea out and give it more power. So I'm not sure the story needs to change, necessarily - it might just be an issue with the description.
     
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  12. Lemie

    Lemie Contributor Contributor

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    I accidentally read it as she was a model, singer and a wrestler.
    My interest sort of died when I re-read it. ;)

    Though I'm not a fan of horror or spiritual things, so I'm not going to have an real opinion about it.
     
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  13. Thundair

    Thundair Contributor Contributor

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    What caused her face to be mutilated? Begin with the tragedy.
    Create an antagonist and a back story, with a surprise ending. That would pretty much do it.
     
    Last edited: May 3, 2017
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  14. OJB

    OJB A Mean Old Man Contributor

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    The beginning starts pretty closely to the tragedy (like a few days after her attack), and I do have a surprise ending thought out, though I do plan on making it more subtle in its reveal.

    Thank you for your feedback and time.
     
  15. PirateQueen27

    PirateQueen27 New Member

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    I'm not one particular to horror or romance, but I'm definitely intrigued here. I'd have to see/know more to be able to say what content would be best.
     
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  16. OJB

    OJB A Mean Old Man Contributor

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    Thank you for your interest. Since this is just a short story I am doing for fun (vs. my main project which I am on break from) I'll be posting all 12 chapters in the workshop for people to review after I get my second draft completed.
     
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  17. Rosacrvx

    Rosacrvx Contributor Contributor

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    I'd read.
    I agree that "spiritual calling" is a too vague description and probably not the words you wanted to use. ("Spiritual calling" is mostly associated with religion or some sort of religious feeling that I'm not sensing from your premise.) Something about the ring speaks to her or tempts her in this difficult moment of her life. She somehow realises that she needs to find the crafter in order to know/achieve more from the ring, despite the threat from the ghoulish entities.
    What she wants, how you go about it, it's your call. The premise is intriguing enough.
     
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  18. Ettina

    Ettina Senior Member

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    Personally, probably not, because as a disabled person, I've seen the "person who is suicidal due to disability or mutilation, then plot intervenes" done badly far too often. If it was recommended to me by another disabled person, I'd be much more inclined to read it, but I'm really burnt out on stories like that.
     
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