I have never been a mother. I have observed mothers, but apparently not enough to write them convincingly. I'm looking for some tips on writing dialogue for a single mother with one child. This child is now about 17 or 18, and has always been disobedient and headstrong, but with a charm and humor that many find endearing. Right now, all I have is horrifically cliche garbage like, "X, you're not listening to me" and "X! Listen to me when I'm talking to you!" Does anyone have advice on writing such a character? Any great examples come to mind from which I might learn?
It's that old writer thing ...you need to put yourself into the shoes of your characters. Which means you need to know what your characters are like. A single mother, with no desire for confrontation and no great facility with repartee—who is maybe just tired of it all—will speak differently from one who is as headstrong and motivated as her son, articulate, and who fully intends to get her way. And how do they feel about each other? Both superficially, and 'deep.' Do they have an 'understanding' between them, with verbal shorthand, etc, or any mutual goals or things they both find important? (Are they a 'team' in other words. I suspect that a single mother with one child may often feel like a 'team.' Just them against the world.) Or does the son resent the mother—either typical teenagery desire to break free from parental control, or is there something that goes deeper? Does the son resent the fact that father isn't around, and blame the mother? Conversely, does the mother resent the son? What would her life be like if he just wasn't there? Maybe she loves him a lot, but is just sick of all the hassle of dealing with him. It's also important to visualise what's happening WHILE they speak. Is one of them cringing? Or maybe hands on hips belligerent. Or just about to leave the room or the house? Or harrassed by some job they're doing just then? Or impatient because somebody else is awaiting their attention? Is there a sense of urgency? Or is this a longstanding 'chat' they have frequently? We need to feel the facial expressions, the actions taking place, the pauses in the conversation, or where it speeds up, etc. In short, you need to create a picture for the reader that isn't just talking heads 'saying' dialogue. I stress that I don't need to know the answers to these questions here on this thread ...but I think you do. Once you have your characters (and their backstory) firmly in your mind, you should be able to 'hear' them speak. It's great fun when you hit that sweet spot. But the characters need to come alive for you, before you can make them come alive for somebody else. I'd say don't worry about how they 'should' speak, but just let them speak. And get to know them better. For me, this is one of the great perks of writing. Suddenly, there is this 'person' you've created, and they are speaking ...wow. Maybe even saying things you didn't expect, or saying them in ways you didn't expect. When that happens, you know you've nailed it. Even if it changes things about your pre-planned plot—go with it. That's your subconscious taking over, and the subconscious usually gets it right.
Yes, I think you're right. I'm going to try to write a bit from her life, just to get to know her. I know the situation she and her child are in, but I know a lot more about how her child feels than about how she feels. Tired, sure, but not without hope. I think they do have a verbal shorthand, yes. Now that you've mentioned it, I'm overwhelmed by all of the things she could have on her plate. You've given me a lot to think about. I still want to know more about the experiences of single mothers, so I'm eager for recommendations on things written by or about single mothers. Still, this was very helpful, thank you.
You could look at "The Summer of my Amazing Luck" by Miram Toews. It's her first book and the central character is a single mom. BTW, I love you're asking this question! I asked a similar question about how people talk in word mechanics. The normal suggestion would be to hang out somewhere and listen to people but I'm hard-of-hearing/deaf so that doesn't work for me. In your situation, maybe there's a parenting group you could drop in on and listen to the conversations? Where do parents go? Is your character a widow - maybe a grief support group? A teenaged mom? A divorced mom? Hang out at Starbucks and eavesdrop on some conversations or a daycare?
I'll buy it as soon as I get my first paycheck at my new job! Thank you for the recommendation. I don't want to drop in on something serious and personal like a grief support group, I'd feel mercenary and selfish. I'll do more writing at cafes and see what I pick up, though. At the moment, all I do is write at my workstation.
I don't think anyone would mind in an online single mothers' group. The lines you gave as examples are actually realistic. Some people can talk to their parents when they are 40 or 50 years old and whatever old habits developed in their childhood will just come right back. I had that happen with my father until a few weeks before he died when he actually came to respect I was an adult in my own right.
I'm not a single mum, but I am a mum. I'm also a teacher. Honestly, how I approach my school kids vs my own kid isn't really all that different. I'm not sure I've ever used the phrase, "You're not listening to me" or "Listen to me when I'm talking to you". I do of course tell kids to listen, but more often I just call their names. To my own kid, I sometimes use the phrase, "We need to talk" or "I wanna talk to you." She's only 4 though. When she's older, I can imagine I might change it to, "Can we talk?" It sorta depends on the sort of parent she is as well. What are her beliefs and values as a mother? What does she believe about raising a child and how children should be treated and disciplined? How did she end up with such a rebellious and headstrong child - because likely it isn't only a case of personality.
I've never been a mother, though I have been called one (usually with another word after it). I've also had one and known several. To get to know the characters and their dynamics better in conversation you might try writing a scene (not from the story, just from their lives) first from one's POV and then from the other's. How does each one see the situation differently? You might even try writing up several different scenarios like this, maybe some when the child was younger and some when they're older. I write a lot about my characters and story ideas before I ever begin writing the actual story itself.
You may want to check the library first. Saves some money, which I guess is bad for the writer but if you like her work, buy a more recent book. It's also more likely to be in print. "The Summer of my Amazing Luck" came out around 2000, give or take.
Good point. I'll start lurking a bit. Thanks. These sorts of insights are helping a lot. I'm starting to get a better idea of her thought process, even if her approach is a little different. This helps me understand the competing desires of a mother regarding her own child. She needs to set boundaries, but she doesn't want to push the child away or make them feel lesser. You're tempting me, here. Tempting me to go hog wild, describing the minutiae of both characters, but I'll answer these questions myself as a writing exercise. Yeah, that's what jannert's advice has me thinking. Training at the new job is killing my free time, though. Can't get much chance to write until things slow down. Frustrating. Nearest library's a long way away, and I haven't bought a new book in too long. Thanks, everyone. This is all helping a lot. This is the kind of advice I was hoping to get on this forum, and I really appreciate it.
