Good point. Being asexual doesn't stop you from falling in love though right? Although I imagine it would take away one of the main incentives. I've certainly never fallen for anyone I didn't have some kind of sexual attraction to, but then for a sexual person maybe lust is an inherent part of the process that develops when you fall in love even if it wasn't present before? I'm starting to get the feeling that a story about people who aren't sexually attracted to each other might actually be more interesting than one where they are.
This has been an interesting thread, and I've enjoyed reading the responses, but I think a major issue has been skipped: What type of story are you writing about that you feel you have to include a specific description of sexual attraction? I've always heard that sex scenes should never be thrown in gratuitously -- they should only be included if they are necessary to the plot or to develop a relationship between two characters where their relationship is a major component of the story. If the story itself doesn't really have anything to do with sex or sexual attraction, why is it necessary to be included? You can just make it a given that there are couples who are together if you're describing a group of people. With the adage, 'write what you know' in mind, I'm a little uncertain why someone who is asexual would feel compelled to write a novel that dealt heavily on sexual attraction. There are many areas of life in which that specific subject is not the main focus. I'm not downplaying the idea of writing about sexual attraction -- the stories I've written actually rely on it pretty heavily and it is a significant theme. But my stories are about relationships. If my story were about a war or something, I don't think there'd be a lot of it in there.
I'm not sure if this is the best for exploring sexual attraction, but my favourite romance is A Little Love Song by Michelle Magorian
Google is your friend in this case. You are likely to find a list of "signs of attraction". Off the top of my head, shuddering when you touch, focusing on their lips when they talk, brushing against each other accidentally and feeling butterflies are some ways to show sexual attraction.
Although I'm still ironing out some of the plot details, basically it'll be a group of 6 (occasionally 7) people in their late teens - early 20's, and the situation has them together basically 24/7 over the course of a month or so (sleeping in the same area, etc). Everyone's personalities will be different, so tension/conflict will raise but... would it be more realistic if no one developed attraction for anyone, or if there was some romance...? I swear a lot of stories I read - even if romance wasn't the main focus, it was still a powerful emotion and people love romance (think of the shipping wars in Harry Potter. It was about a wizard, but all the love stories... Or the stuff in Games of Thrones, or even Hunger Games where it's all Battle Royale... ) It's rare to find a book, for young adults to adults, that has no romance in it. I guess I'm worried if the story is 100% devoid of romance, it wouldn't seem realistic (or interesting) given the situation...? =( Although I feel if I tried to write a realistic romance it'd be more like a platonic Disney one... I guess I could just avoid it altogether since you gotta write what you know. ^^; Some asexuals are also aromantic, although I can experience romantic attraction. Maybe I'll write about an asexual character one day, but yea. ^^;
A couple more thoughts, based on your plot description. First, are you writing YA? If so, the sexual themes and romantic descriptions are going to be much tamer and less explicit than if your novel is adult fiction. I agree with your thought that if you've got 7 20 year olds in a mixed gender setting, undergoing some kind of intense bonding experience together, someone is probably having sex, or if not, someone (probably most or all of them) is certainly at least thinking about it. But your question also depends on the POV you're writing and also if it's in first or third person. One potentially interesting way to solve this might be if you are writing from the POV of a character who is asexual and observes that two of his/her comrades seem to have developed a relationship. That way, you could describe what happened in a way similar to that which you observe when you suspect or realize two people have entered into a sexual or romantic relationship.
I have tried to write sexual desire and encounters before and i find them very challenging- that is to say i could write it sure, but the risk of it sounding cheesy or cliched or like a cheap erotic novel is a very big one. I have been criticised for making something sexual for shock value before, perhaps overdoing it. So from my, albeit very little, experiance, i would say subtlety is the way to go. Metaphors are good too; something that, if used right, can be very powerful in my opinion. I also try to think of my own experiances (they say write about what you know), to try to have some level of grounding in reality. Then of course there's the seperation between sex and love. the character may just want to get laid, or he/she may want something more significant. If the latter, perhaps hints on loneliness, or the longing for physical contact. I actually thing one could write a sexual scene (be it actual intercourse or the want for intercourse) without even mentioning sex, and i think that would be more effective than describing sex. So instead of saying "John stripped Julie of her clothes, exposing her firm breasts. Immediately he was turned on..." You could take the less direct approach: "For John it was like unwraping a christmas present. With the tenderest of care, he reached out, feeling the softness of the fabric. Within seconds he was staring at her natural and intimite beauty. He reached out, feeling her cold skin." Not that great, but the second one i did not mention sex at all. The same goes for the desire of sex i think. Instead of "Johny saw Julie and immediately wanted her. He found himself imagining her with not clothes on, wondering what lay beneath. What styling choices did she make? What did she feel and taste like? He had to know." you could say: "John's mind raced. Julie stood in front of him, and all he wanted to do was to reach out. He wanted to pull her close to him, to feel her skin against his, to match her excited breathing. He wanted more still. He imagined the jumper coming off, revealing what had to be perfection beneath" Again not a great example - they were rushed, so perhaps i'm speaking rubbish. It's a challenging thing i think, and i think it'd pay to write it in several ways, try the subtle approach, try the direct approach, try describing everything, try condensing it down - find which one works the most. My opinion though is to avoid the graphic obviousness that would be the easiest approach and try attacking it from a different angle. I'm not expert of course, but i hope i've helped.
Based on everything I've read above, they've pretty much beat this post to death with incite... What I'll add will be brief and to the point. 1. Be subtle. Small clues about the way people look at each other, or the nervousness a person feels should suffice as we see the tension building (building is good-- shows development) 2. In the YA world this scenario almost demands a growing sexual tension from at least 2 characters. 3. It would be difficult to write without the actual experience, but it is doable with research and help. Post your scenes on here for critique when you have some. 4. Make it something that advances the plot 5. Keep in mind the story that you are writing so that you can keep the love interest from overshadowing the plot [less is more sometimes] 6. Write YOUR BEST with CONFIDENCE and make it better in revision. It doesn't hurt to mess up once, twice,ten times just ask for help and it will be given
As a male, the main physical sensations that accompany sexual attraction to a gal for me are: 1) My heart beats faster when she's around. 2) Her physical proximity is almost palpable. If we touch, the sensation can be very focused, as if that bit of skin is more alive than any other section. 3) My sense of smell, which is not very sensitive, seems to be more so; and of course, the olfactory sense-memories are very durable. I can still smell my son's mother's hair, even though we separated over a decade ago. Psychologically, I'll tend to focus on her location and demeanor. Closer and happier is better. If she's not nearby, my emotional intensity tends to be lower. If she's nearby and happy, great. If she's nearby and upset, I seem to pick that up and resound it a bit.
I'd agree. I see a lot of people calling themselves asexual that have shown way more sexual desire than me. I cannot masturbate, in the sense of touching my sexual organs and getting a pleasurable feeling. I have never felt any feeling whatsoever that I can identify as sexual. And I don't want any pity for this. I actually think I'd rather be asexual, it makes my life simpler. I see people getting bent up in knots over the dating game, and I'm completely uninvolved in it. But it does make writing characters that have a sexuality pretty tricky.
If I were to wright about sexual attraction, I would describe mostly what I find sexual about a woman. Most men, just reading a sexy story gets them turned on.. ''...Everyone was staring at her cleavage, because the tight turquoise dress she was wearing put her nearly too perfect breasts well in place. The dress matching her green eyes and her black suade lace heels matching her wavy dark hair, it was like Johnny Dep and Megan Fox had a baby and God decided to really show her off. As Alex saw her walking by he looked quickly away of embarrasment, knowing that he had been caught the other day looking through the creek of the door while she was doing her Yoga, never in his life had he seen such a figure, the only time he saw curves like that was when he was cleaning the edges of his snowboard.'' Just made something up there, but I think you get the point. I mostly think, if its sexual to me it mostly is to others as well. I am also a dancer/entertainer and when I make solo shows with cartoon/comedy/funny bits in it, I never know when I'm making the music mix behind my computer if its really that funny to the public or not, but I crack myself up, and so far the audience has too I guess if you think it wont work, it wont. But if you tunr yourself on and think its awesome, write the hell out of it...
Just to throw in the thought that while the Mills and Boon sort of romance novels are very cheesy, some of the more obvious similes and metaphors they use might help as they usually compare sexual attraction to something not entirely "sexy" or sex-oriented. There's a lot of fire burning through veins and frankly there's less actual graphic sex and more of the suspense, romance and lust beforehand, so it could be more appropriate to an intended YA audience. I hope this thread can stay around as a guide, I'll try to think up some more tips as romance/erotica is kinda my thing, though obviously everything here will be "PG-13" I think is the phrase.
See my issue is trying to be subtle about it. Then again I'm a terrible judge of my own subtly. But it's incredibly hard for my to switch from sex to something sexy (or I think. Again, terrible judge of my own work) because that doesn't have to be as blunt. It's like writing something that just blatantly over the top to go to a more poetic language. Personally, I like using as a guideline My Dark Life-by Elvis Costello. If you haven't figured it out I like music better than people but the language he uses in this song is incredibly sexy but not blatantly sexual. If I feel I can meet that standard then I'm okay.
I'm not crazy about the write what you know adage - if it were true there would be no Alice in Wonderland. I believe the statement should be more write what you love. And what you love, you'll know, or get to know for that matter. But , I'm finding it hard to believe there are writers who don't feel passionate about something, anything that they can tap into and transfer into the realm of love. Not a crush on a star? not a giddiness over a goodlooking man that passes you in the park? Not a flush of heat over a sexy book passage? Not even a swelling of love for a friend you haven't seen in ages? Try tapping into your emotions - look at people differently. Watch couples in the park. Sexual attraction isn't just about the senses , there's deeper emotions involved - love , intense friendship. Think about your own friendships and family. Are you a hugger? - tap into that - think about it, why this need to be touched.
haha good point.. I guess then you make a post on a forum on how to do it ? If it doesnt turn you on, but you think the idea is excellent and it excites you, same kinda thing.
As another asexual writer, this is something I have put quite a lot of thought into. While I completely agree with previous posters' comments that not having experienced sexual desire makes it extremely difficult to write well, I would also point out that different people experience sexual attraction (and just about everything else) differently. While this may seem like an obvious assertion, it raises the point that (unless they always write characters who are aproximately identical to themselves) all writers have to write about types of experiences that they have not experienced directly. The most important thing is that how your character experiences these things meshes with who they are as a person. The reader may read your description of the MC's sexual attraction and not relate directly to those experiences, even if both the reader and the MC fit into the same general category of sexuality. What matters is that the reader can see that this reaction makes sense for your MC. Of course, writing about characters who are substantially different from yourself requires research. For a lot of aspects of character and behavior this can be accomplished by time spent people watching at the mall, airport, local ice rink, or wherever. Unfortunately, people tend to be a little more private about their sexual attraction so, as others have said, read good romance! Also, got any non-asexual friends who would be willing to let you grill them? All that said, my current MC has ended up being pretty close to the asexual end of the spectrum. It's not that she has a negative view of sex, just that she isn't inclined to seek it out and certainly doesn't think of it as either intimate or romantic. The man to whom she is romantically attracted is not asexual and that is part of what is so interesting about their relationship. My being asexual had nothing to do with how I chose to write her, it's just how she turned out when I got to know her. Furthermore, her experience of asexuality is vastly different from mine. Still, there is something refreshing about writing this different perspective on love as it sometimes feels like there is a major lack of romantic relationships in literature which do not center around sexual desire (particularly in fantasy which is my primary genre). I guess my point is to write your characters according to how they would respond to situations. Don't be worried about writing them as experiencing love in different ways, both different from each other and different from the norm. Write them as they are and if you need help with parts that don't mesh with your own experience try getting input from a friend who you see as similar to the character in question or looking through examples from existing literature. But don't limit your characters to only experiences that you can write from your own memory. If everyone did this then we'd all be stuck with continually rewriting the same character, ourselves.
If you can stomach the content, try watching Season One of Dexter. He is in a relationship and he also seems to display asexuality (in this season anyway, I haven't watched past season one yet) and hearing his internal monologue about his girl being out of an abusive relationship and not wanting to have sex is just fine with him because it doesn't appeal to him anyway. You might be able to get some good plot flow ideas from his voice overs.
